Tomorrow
Regrets8 total reviews
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written poem of regret when we are not always able to be with the ones we love in times they need us to be there. Tomorrow may also never come.
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2017
  |
A very well-written poem of regret when we are not always able to be with the ones we love in times they need us to be there. Tomorrow may also never come.
Comment Written 15-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2017
-
How true. Thank you for your review.
Comment from rama devi
Good response to the contest challenge. Well expressed and voiced with an emotional overtone implied and fine authentic POV. Good picture, too. Good flow. Just one spot the flow is hampered by an unnecessary comma, so I suggest (optional):
I can't take away all the
nights you slept alone,(NO COMMA)
because by job took me
far from home.
Also suggest a dash instead of period here, to join the sentences:
I'm sorry for not being
at your side the day you
heard your father died.(--)
O(o)r the day I missed the
birth of our only son.
so it would read as one sentence:
I'm sorry for not being
at your side the day you
heard your father died--
or the day I missed the
birth of our only son.
My only other suggestion, entirely optional, is to add line brakes for 'breath' effect.
With above suggestions:
Tomorrow may be gone.
I can't take away all the
nights you slept alone
because by job took me
far from home.
I'm sorry for not being
at your side the day you
heard your father died,
or the day I missed the
birth of our only son.
I can't take back what
I have done, but there
is always ...tomorrow.
Good luck in the contest. Should prove a contender.
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2017
|
Good response to the contest challenge. Well expressed and voiced with an emotional overtone implied and fine authentic POV. Good picture, too. Good flow. Just one spot the flow is hampered by an unnecessary comma, so I suggest (optional):
I can't take away all the
nights you slept alone,(NO COMMA)
because by job took me
far from home.
Also suggest a dash instead of period here, to join the sentences:
I'm sorry for not being
at your side the day you
heard your father died.(--)
O(o)r the day I missed the
birth of our only son.
so it would read as one sentence:
I'm sorry for not being
at your side the day you
heard your father died--
or the day I missed the
birth of our only son.
My only other suggestion, entirely optional, is to add line brakes for 'breath' effect.
With above suggestions:
Tomorrow may be gone.
I can't take away all the
nights you slept alone
because by job took me
far from home.
I'm sorry for not being
at your side the day you
heard your father died,
or the day I missed the
birth of our only son.
I can't take back what
I have done, but there
is always ...tomorrow.
Good luck in the contest. Should prove a contender.
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 14-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2017
-
Thank you for your review, I lost the contest, but will still look at your suggestion.
-
:-))) Happy to help.
Comment from luther maddox
interesting poetic work, it is good and sad at the same time. if this is true your emotions are painted well in just a few words. I like this poem because often men are away on times when they should be there, yet, this is what we call life.
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2017
 |
interesting poetic work, it is good and sad at the same time. if this is true your emotions are painted well in just a few words. I like this poem because often men are away on times when they should be there, yet, this is what we call life.
Comment Written 13-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2017
-
Thank you for your review.
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This speaks about eternal integral status of time, we name time for identification, none can take away time say morning, none can stop or control happening or time, tomorrow has to come; I like.
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2017
|
This speaks about eternal integral status of time, we name time for identification, none can take away time say morning, none can stop or control happening or time, tomorrow has to come; I like.
Comment Written 13-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2017
-
Thank you for your review.
Comment from Janilou
Having been there and done that, I really enjoyed reading your poem even though it left me with an ache in my heart. Tomorrow indeed. I try very hard to live for today and never put off to tomorrow what should be done and said in the present moment, for this very reason.
I wish you all the best in the contest. I didn't see any errors and I have no suggestions for improvment.
Jan
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2017
|
Having been there and done that, I really enjoyed reading your poem even though it left me with an ache in my heart. Tomorrow indeed. I try very hard to live for today and never put off to tomorrow what should be done and said in the present moment, for this very reason.
I wish you all the best in the contest. I didn't see any errors and I have no suggestions for improvment.
Jan
Comment Written 13-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2017
-
Thank you for your review.
Comment from zanya
An interesting angle on the topic of Tomorrow -looking back at the omissions of the past and attempting to put them right 'there is always....tomorrow'. Lovely pic
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2017
|
An interesting angle on the topic of Tomorrow -looking back at the omissions of the past and attempting to put them right 'there is always....tomorrow'. Lovely pic
Comment Written 12-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2017
-
Thank you for your review.
Comment from dragonpoet
This is a nice poetic apology for thing done wrong. Hope the speaker will actually do what he says. He shouldn't of missed these two important days. Finding out a parent is going to die is never a good day and a day that one can't schedule. But if the speaker is there the day he dies that should take care of that. It is always hard to miss a birth but be there for the rest of the baby's birthdays should be good atonement.
Good luck in the contest.
Keep writing.
dragonpoet
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2017
|
This is a nice poetic apology for thing done wrong. Hope the speaker will actually do what he says. He shouldn't of missed these two important days. Finding out a parent is going to die is never a good day and a day that one can't schedule. But if the speaker is there the day he dies that should take care of that. It is always hard to miss a birth but be there for the rest of the baby's birthdays should be good atonement.
Good luck in the contest.
Keep writing.
dragonpoet
Comment Written 12-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2017
-
Thank you for your review.
-
Any time.
jp
Comment from Kazzawin
Sometimes you read something and know it's from the heart.
Simple wording, written with regret and pain...but also hope at the end.
Good luck in the contest, I like your style : )
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2017
|
Sometimes you read something and know it's from the heart.
Simple wording, written with regret and pain...but also hope at the end.
Good luck in the contest, I like your style : )
Comment Written 12-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2017
-
Thank you for your review.
