A Torn Life
Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "Demon Dragon"How mental challenges are seen and experienced
5 total reviews
Comment from Heather Knight
This is a great metaphor. I like your use of the dragon as a representation of mental illness. It's very powerful.
Did you write minde instead of mind on purpose or is it a typo?
I hope you do well in the contest. You deserve it.
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2017
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This is a great metaphor. I like your use of the dragon as a representation of mental illness. It's very powerful.
Did you write minde instead of mind on purpose or is it a typo?
I hope you do well in the contest. You deserve it.
Comment Written 03-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2017
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You are correct, it was a typo. Thanks very much for your very supportive review
Hugs, Trisha
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
Thhis is an absolutely wonderful played piece for the contest. Very nicely done and perfect for the contest with a message very important and I love the way youput it in the mind and move it.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2017
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Thhis is an absolutely wonderful played piece for the contest. Very nicely done and perfect for the contest with a message very important and I love the way youput it in the mind and move it.
Comment Written 31-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2017
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Thank you very much! I never hold much hope of placing, but I wrote it for other reasons .
Comment from Asem.inspirations
BRAVO, BRAVO, BRAVO - You deserve a standing ovation for this poem and a first prize win. I could not have said it any better than this. Yet it is so clear that it relates to the mental horrors that are suffered in the day to day of those with mental illnesses, especially schizophrenia. Love it. Love it. Love it
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2017
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BRAVO, BRAVO, BRAVO - You deserve a standing ovation for this poem and a first prize win. I could not have said it any better than this. Yet it is so clear that it relates to the mental horrors that are suffered in the day to day of those with mental illnesses, especially schizophrenia. Love it. Love it. Love it
Comment Written 31-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2017
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Thanks soooo much for reviewing. I'm glad you felt it was relevant for those suffering. I only put "mental illness" in the author's notes because from what I've read, some symptoms are similar to other mental conditions. Again, you are a sweetheart for giving your opinion. Have a blessed day Tier
Mucho hugs, Trisha
Comment from rama devi
Potent imagery and presentation. Expressive poem with good rhythmic groove and word economy in the shorter line style 9adding to flow). Good voicing and intensity in tone. Potent content.
A few minor nits and suggestions:
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In my Lair-your brain
no cap on lair
dessicate reality
spelling:
desiccate
nice consonance of V:
voraciously devour
*since there is no end-line punctuation elsewhere, I suggest removing this period:
induce nightmares.
*no cap needed on inner:
Inner self
Good luck in the contest. Five stars in advance, as I'm sure you'll want to fix the spelling and consider suggestions.
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2017
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Potent imagery and presentation. Expressive poem with good rhythmic groove and word economy in the shorter line style 9adding to flow). Good voicing and intensity in tone. Potent content.
A few minor nits and suggestions:
*
In my Lair-your brain
no cap on lair
dessicate reality
spelling:
desiccate
nice consonance of V:
voraciously devour
*since there is no end-line punctuation elsewhere, I suggest removing this period:
induce nightmares.
*no cap needed on inner:
Inner self
Good luck in the contest. Five stars in advance, as I'm sure you'll want to fix the spelling and consider suggestions.
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 30-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2017
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Hi, I am honored by your review. Thank you so much for proof reading which I should have done. I appreciate your help.
Namaste, Trisha
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Namaste, Trisha. Thanks for your gracious response. Much appreciated. Love and light, rd
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Just grateful, I'm here to learn!
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Great! I do editing and writing coaching professionally, if you ever want more intensive coaching...feel free to PM me for my email...
Warmly, rd
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Thanks
Comment from Drew Delaney
This pic looks very demonic. The red font colour matches the picture exactly.
sratch my scales (Did you mean Scratch my scales?)
This sounds like a mental illness. Great metaphor used here. Nice job!
Drew
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2017
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This pic looks very demonic. The red font colour matches the picture exactly.
sratch my scales (Did you mean Scratch my scales?)
This sounds like a mental illness. Great metaphor used here. Nice job!
Drew
Comment Written 30-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2017
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Ethan's for your eagle eyed proof reading. I have fixed the typo. I'm glad you liked my presentation of colors. Thank you Drew for taking time to review my poem
