Boiler Room
Viewing comments for Chapter 13 "Section 5 - Part 1: Exhumed"Cody's worst nightmare from Hell becomes reality!
12 total reviews
Comment from Asem.inspirations
Good morning Bret:
I am in eager anticipation to see what will happen next. I kind of believe that Earl is not dead and from what I am reading I would only believe that he isn't. I remember reading ahead a little also. Anyway tis story is still very interesting and I am still following along.
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2017
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Good morning Bret:
I am in eager anticipation to see what will happen next. I kind of believe that Earl is not dead and from what I am reading I would only believe that he isn't. I remember reading ahead a little also. Anyway tis story is still very interesting and I am still following along.
Comment Written 30-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2017
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of Cody's story.
Appreciate you taking the time to read it and to write a review.
Much more to come so I invite you to ride along.
Comment from Ricky1024
"This was a "Reveling Chapter" on Earl Anthony Schroeder."
"Perhaps more hen The Sheriff or the Judge wants to know?"
"Murder is a "Time a Dozen" but "Justice."
"Sometimes...
"Is Blind."
"Nice."
Dr. Ricky 1024.
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2017
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"This was a "Reveling Chapter" on Earl Anthony Schroeder."
"Perhaps more hen The Sheriff or the Judge wants to know?"
"Murder is a "Time a Dozen" but "Justice."
"Sometimes...
"Is Blind."
"Nice."
Dr. Ricky 1024.
Comment Written 30-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2017
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of Cody's story.
Much more to come so I invite you to ride along.
Comment from doggymad
Apologies for falling behind yet again. I had to go way for a few days.
This is developing into a captivating story and I am becoming more familiar with the characters now, which is an advantage lol
hugs
Freda
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2017
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Apologies for falling behind yet again. I had to go way for a few days.
This is developing into a captivating story and I am becoming more familiar with the characters now, which is an advantage lol
hugs
Freda
Comment Written 25-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2017
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of Cody's tale.
Appreciate you taking the time to read it and to write a review.
Much more to come so I invite you to ride along.
Comment from Rasmine
Good writing: He fought back the wall of tears in his diamond blue eyes. "I know he was way up past his eyeballs in money he owed some drug dealers," Cody replied, then empathetically stated (how about 'added' to connect it to the first statement?), "and they wanted their cash, too!"
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2017
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Good writing: He fought back the wall of tears in his diamond blue eyes. "I know he was way up past his eyeballs in money he owed some drug dealers," Cody replied, then empathetically stated (how about 'added' to connect it to the first statement?), "and they wanted their cash, too!"
Comment Written 25-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2017
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of Cody's story.
Appreciate the suggestion.
Much more to come so I invite you to ride along.
Comment from emptypage
Brett, the chapter is good, interesting, held my attention. All good things. I have some suggestions, though.
Your tags on your dialogue are too long and they are sometimes redundant. I haven't seen that in the other chapters, but I see it a lot here. In fact, in a profession where tags are discouraged and where perfection means not needing or using tags at all, you don't have a single line of dialogue in this entire chapter without a tag.
Look at this. You wrote, "You just said a mouthful, Cody," Judge Stancil agreed with his comment, then encouraged him to, "tell me more." You are inserting the narrator into the Judge's dialogue. Leave out "then encouraged him to 'tell me more.'" Readers KNOW the judge is encouraging him. You don't have to tell them.
And this: "It was as if he knew a deep, dark secret he wasn't sure how to reveal. His biggest fear was that he was afraid what he said would destroy his relationship with his Dad."
"His biggest fear was that he was afraid...." That's redundant. Try, "His biggest fear was that what he said would ruin his relationship with his dad."
The entire "ketchup and water don't make tomato soup" is a long, drawn out way of saying, "Things aren't always what they seem." You don't need that whole long piece to say that tiny thing.
And, Brett, much of you dialogue needs no tag at all. Like here: "Is there anything else you need to tell me Cody?" Judge Stancil inquired. The question mark already means he inquired. You don't have to tell readers that he is inquiring.
In any case, I'm waiting for the next chapter because the story is good.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2017
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Brett, the chapter is good, interesting, held my attention. All good things. I have some suggestions, though.
Your tags on your dialogue are too long and they are sometimes redundant. I haven't seen that in the other chapters, but I see it a lot here. In fact, in a profession where tags are discouraged and where perfection means not needing or using tags at all, you don't have a single line of dialogue in this entire chapter without a tag.
Look at this. You wrote, "You just said a mouthful, Cody," Judge Stancil agreed with his comment, then encouraged him to, "tell me more." You are inserting the narrator into the Judge's dialogue. Leave out "then encouraged him to 'tell me more.'" Readers KNOW the judge is encouraging him. You don't have to tell them.
And this: "It was as if he knew a deep, dark secret he wasn't sure how to reveal. His biggest fear was that he was afraid what he said would destroy his relationship with his Dad."
"His biggest fear was that he was afraid...." That's redundant. Try, "His biggest fear was that what he said would ruin his relationship with his dad."
The entire "ketchup and water don't make tomato soup" is a long, drawn out way of saying, "Things aren't always what they seem." You don't need that whole long piece to say that tiny thing.
And, Brett, much of you dialogue needs no tag at all. Like here: "Is there anything else you need to tell me Cody?" Judge Stancil inquired. The question mark already means he inquired. You don't have to tell readers that he is inquiring.
In any case, I'm waiting for the next chapter because the story is good.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 24-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2017
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Appreciate your review and comments.
Comment from MizKat
Hi Brett,
This part of your book was very interesting to read too. You are wonderful at writing things. I'm sure there are many people who are loving the things that you write. I know that I do.
Kat
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2017
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Hi Brett,
This part of your book was very interesting to read too. You are wonderful at writing things. I'm sure there are many people who are loving the things that you write. I know that I do.
Kat
Comment Written 24-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2017
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Thanks.
Much more to come so I invite you to ride along.
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Thanks Brett,
I'll be looking forward to what you are writing about this time.
Kat
Comment from BOO ghost
Word count appreciated. BOO's favorite paragraph: Cody drew a deep breath. Reluctant to divulge too much information all at one time, he felt the ice cold air of uncertainty settle over him. He looked at the Sheriff, then back at the Judge, but did not speak another word. It was as if he knew a deep, dark secret he wasn't sure how to reveal. His biggest fear was that he was afraid what he said would destroy his relationship with his Dad. Entertaining. Holds BOO interest. Character lst always helpful. BOO-tastic!
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2017
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Word count appreciated. BOO's favorite paragraph: Cody drew a deep breath. Reluctant to divulge too much information all at one time, he felt the ice cold air of uncertainty settle over him. He looked at the Sheriff, then back at the Judge, but did not speak another word. It was as if he knew a deep, dark secret he wasn't sure how to reveal. His biggest fear was that he was afraid what he said would destroy his relationship with his Dad. Entertaining. Holds BOO interest. Character lst always helpful. BOO-tastic!
Comment Written 23-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2017
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of Cody's story.
Appreciate you taking the time to read it and to write a review.
Comment from Sankey
Wow! This was certainly a grizzly chaptter. I think you were so excited getting this down you made all these spags I have given ya. Good work mate. Keep it up! Now Spagarama© 2015 G.C.Moore ...time. I called you in [hear](here) today.
"Just come on out and [said](say) what's on your mind, Cody."
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2017
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Wow! This was certainly a grizzly chaptter. I think you were so excited getting this down you made all these spags I have given ya. Good work mate. Keep it up! Now Spagarama© 2015 G.C.Moore ...time. I called you in [hear](here) today.
"Just come on out and [said](say) what's on your mind, Cody."
Comment Written 23-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2017
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of Cody's story.
Much more to come so I invite you to ride along.
Keep them reviews coming.
Comment from royowen
Poor old Cody has been put "on the spot" by the cross examination of Judge Stancil. The judge says he needs a really good reason to exhume a body, and a hesitant Cody, starts telling him a story of a mutilated body, found with body parts missing, like the head and hands. He tells him Earl Anthony Schroder was capable of horrendously evil things, well done Brett, the story continues, well done, blessings, Roy
Typo : why I called you in (hear) today. Here?
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2017
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Poor old Cody has been put "on the spot" by the cross examination of Judge Stancil. The judge says he needs a really good reason to exhume a body, and a hesitant Cody, starts telling him a story of a mutilated body, found with body parts missing, like the head and hands. He tells him Earl Anthony Schroder was capable of horrendously evil things, well done Brett, the story continues, well done, blessings, Roy
Typo : why I called you in (hear) today. Here?
Comment Written 23-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2017
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of Cody's story.
Appreciate your comments, support, and reviews.
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Most welcome
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
in (here) today
Okay I may skip the next part, cant do cats.lolExcellently told in your special way, only one mistake and that was at the beginning.
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2017
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in (here) today
Okay I may skip the next part, cant do cats.lolExcellently told in your special way, only one mistake and that was at the beginning.
Comment Written 23-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2017
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of Cody's story.
Always do appreciate your comments, support, and reviews.
