Betrayal
Difficult recovery from betrayal58 total reviews
Comment from Joan E.
I admired your poem about lost love and the energetic, reinforcing artwork you selected. Your "cocoon of sadness" metaphor is very vivid. Sighs- Joan
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2017
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I admired your poem about lost love and the energetic, reinforcing artwork you selected. Your "cocoon of sadness" metaphor is very vivid. Sighs- Joan
Comment Written 10-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2017
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Thank you Joan E., for reading and commenting. livelylinda
Comment from Oatmeal
livelylinda,
The arrangement is fine, smoothly readable and understandable. Emotional reflections are insightful and impressive. Flowing very nicely. Comprehensible and very nicely written.
I saw no SPAG and no typos. Everything looked in place.
I look forward to seeing you again.
Love you,
Oatmeal
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2017
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livelylinda,
The arrangement is fine, smoothly readable and understandable. Emotional reflections are insightful and impressive. Flowing very nicely. Comprehensible and very nicely written.
I saw no SPAG and no typos. Everything looked in place.
I look forward to seeing you again.
Love you,
Oatmeal
Comment Written 10-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2017
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Once again, thanks. Linda
Comment from jaded831
Great poem. Betrayal is hard to get over, some never do. Your poem is well written, easy to understand. And a theme almost everyone can relate to. I'm not sure if the picture compliments or takes away from the poem. But I'm here to review your poem and you did a great job.
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2017
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Great poem. Betrayal is hard to get over, some never do. Your poem is well written, easy to understand. And a theme almost everyone can relate to. I'm not sure if the picture compliments or takes away from the poem. But I'm here to review your poem and you did a great job.
Comment Written 10-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2017
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Thank you for stopping by. livellylinda
Comment from gsuarez
Oh yes, your enemies will never betray. That is what makes betrayal so painful. The artwork compliments this pice very well. Nothing to add by way of word selection or structure, My compliments.
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2017
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Oh yes, your enemies will never betray. That is what makes betrayal so painful. The artwork compliments this pice very well. Nothing to add by way of word selection or structure, My compliments.
Comment Written 10-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2017
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gsuarez: thank you for reading and commenting. livelylinda
Comment from rjuselius
this is a beautiful piece of poetry dear linda! i can definitely relate as i just broke up with my fiance who had systematically cheated on me and was a manipulative bastard..
thank you for sharing this delicate poem!
blessings and a hearty squeeze!
rebekka x
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2017
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this is a beautiful piece of poetry dear linda! i can definitely relate as i just broke up with my fiance who had systematically cheated on me and was a manipulative bastard..
thank you for sharing this delicate poem!
blessings and a hearty squeeze!
rebekka x
Comment Written 10-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2017
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Rebekka: why do so many have to do this bad stuff?? Take care and thanks for reading and commenting. Linda
Comment from Analie Shepherd
This is a lovely poem ... and so sad. It made me feel my own sadness from a painful betrayal in my life, and that is high praise for a poem ... it makes you feel.
I love how you separated the alone, with spaces above and below. You have made your poem a work of art as well as a wonderful writing. Good for you!
I have one slight suggestion. I am not suggesting you change this poem in any way ... but, for me, the words "outer space" are the only thing in the piece that didn't seem to quite fit. There is absolutely nothing wrong with them, and someone else (including you!) I am sure would think them the perfect words! My feeling is that they take the reader outside the grieving person's soul. I have a suggestion, just for you consider in going forward as a poet ...
What if the line read something like - "but in the darkest, most distant reaches of her soul"? Something to keep the experience internal.
I only mention this, not to criticize, but to possibly inspire for future poems.
I try to always offer author's another way of thinking, or a new perspective. That is what I hope to get from my reviewers. I always want to be growing.
Again, lovely, lovely poem. I respect and honor you as a writer!
Blessings, Analie
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2017
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This is a lovely poem ... and so sad. It made me feel my own sadness from a painful betrayal in my life, and that is high praise for a poem ... it makes you feel.
I love how you separated the alone, with spaces above and below. You have made your poem a work of art as well as a wonderful writing. Good for you!
I have one slight suggestion. I am not suggesting you change this poem in any way ... but, for me, the words "outer space" are the only thing in the piece that didn't seem to quite fit. There is absolutely nothing wrong with them, and someone else (including you!) I am sure would think them the perfect words! My feeling is that they take the reader outside the grieving person's soul. I have a suggestion, just for you consider in going forward as a poet ...
What if the line read something like - "but in the darkest, most distant reaches of her soul"? Something to keep the experience internal.
I only mention this, not to criticize, but to possibly inspire for future poems.
I try to always offer author's another way of thinking, or a new perspective. That is what I hope to get from my reviewers. I always want to be growing.
Again, lovely, lovely poem. I respect and honor you as a writer!
Blessings, Analie
Comment Written 10-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2017
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Analie: thank you so much for reading, commenting and for your suggestion for improvement. Every time I reread this poem, the outter space thing never seemed to fit very well and finally, someone has noticed it and offered a rescue for me. Thank you!
livelylinda
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Linda ... you are so very welcome. Thank you for being open to suggestions! I love other's feedback on my work and often see ways to improve. Again, I think your piece was fabulous just as it was, but that one spot made me pause ... so glad I could offer something that was meaningful.
Blessings, Analie
Comment from His Grayness
Truly magnificent work presented here with really stunning artwork and lovely coloration of the entire work. I really enjoyed this work in all ways and cannot offer any suggestion to improve it in any way! HIS GRAYNESS; Vance
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2017
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Truly magnificent work presented here with really stunning artwork and lovely coloration of the entire work. I really enjoyed this work in all ways and cannot offer any suggestion to improve it in any way! HIS GRAYNESS; Vance
Comment Written 10-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2017
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Thank you, Vance, for reading and commenting. livelylinda
Comment from Dean Kuch
Hello, Linda.
I'm in a conundrum as to what to make of this. The artwork and your choice of words seem contradictory. They don't "mate up" together, just like some couples know, LOL.
Perhaps you've done this on purpose? You didn't want to give anything away.
Sure, this is sad and a bit depressing. But unlike most people, I fully realize that life is not a bed of roses for some of us. It may be a bed of dead roses where nothing but the thorns remain.
A world where no cheating, untruths or betrayal takes place is nothing more than a pipe dream.
But it sure would be a nice place to go if it existed.
Nice...
~Dean
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2017
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Hello, Linda.
I'm in a conundrum as to what to make of this. The artwork and your choice of words seem contradictory. They don't "mate up" together, just like some couples know, LOL.
Perhaps you've done this on purpose? You didn't want to give anything away.
Sure, this is sad and a bit depressing. But unlike most people, I fully realize that life is not a bed of roses for some of us. It may be a bed of dead roses where nothing but the thorns remain.
A world where no cheating, untruths or betrayal takes place is nothing more than a pipe dream.
But it sure would be a nice place to go if it existed.
Nice...
~Dean
Comment Written 10-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2017
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Dean: the name of the art work is "Love and Betrayal" which is the subject of this poem. However, you are correct that the painting is confusing. I may have to search for another. . . Linda
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Or simply put the name of the painting in your authors notes.
I always read the author's notes first and that would have been sufficient for me. :)
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Unless author's notes are forbidden, as specified for a contest. But this isn't entered in a contest, so you may do what you wish.
~Dean ;}
Comment from nomi338
When someone you love and trust betrays that love and trust, it can feel like an attempt to actually end you. To extend the energy of trusting someone with your heart, you virtually empty yourself of yourself and you place that someone in a position where they can penetrate to the center of you. To smash that part of you could be quite harmful.
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2017
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When someone you love and trust betrays that love and trust, it can feel like an attempt to actually end you. To extend the energy of trusting someone with your heart, you virtually empty yourself of yourself and you place that someone in a position where they can penetrate to the center of you. To smash that part of you could be quite harmful.
Comment Written 10-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2017
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nomi338: thank you for reading and commenting. livelylinda
Comment from Thal1959
This is a nicely rendered free verse, but it is a bit depressing. I believe I saw a post with an ugly black door that spoke of the same sort of thing. I tend to avoid the depressing or gory stuff. I've enough troubles of my own. I hope this is all fictional and you aren't going through a bad phase in life, Linda.
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2017
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This is a nicely rendered free verse, but it is a bit depressing. I believe I saw a post with an ugly black door that spoke of the same sort of thing. I tend to avoid the depressing or gory stuff. I've enough troubles of my own. I hope this is all fictional and you aren't going through a bad phase in life, Linda.
Comment Written 10-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2017
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Thanks for reading and commenting. livelylinda
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You're welcome, Linda - it was my pleasure.
