The Convict Train
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Levi's dilemma"Levi escorts a train full of dangerous convicts
3 total reviews
Comment from nancy_e_davis
I know Ellie will not like the idea of Levi escorting 98 convicts to the new Territorial Penitentiary just outside the city of Walla Walla. They have their baby to think about now. He needs a father. She will be even more afraid of losing him now. When will he get up the courage to tell her? I have a feeling someone else is about to let the cat out of the bag.
LOL Well done Larry. Nancy
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2017
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I know Ellie will not like the idea of Levi escorting 98 convicts to the new Territorial Penitentiary just outside the city of Walla Walla. They have their baby to think about now. He needs a father. She will be even more afraid of losing him now. When will he get up the courage to tell her? I have a feeling someone else is about to let the cat out of the bag.
LOL Well done Larry. Nancy
Comment Written 06-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2017
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Hi Nancy, it's always great to hear from you. Thank you for your review. Now Fuzzy is the keeper of some secrets regarding Badgers life, since he rode with him back in the day, but he doesn't want to get up in Badger's business, so he is keeping them to himself. Badger may have no choice but to tell Levi himself. We will just have to wait and see.
Comment from emptypage
I love westerns. Lonesome Dove is one of my top ten favorite books ever. So I gave your book a go.
Nice job with the plotting and storytelling. The characters could be fleshed out a bit, but I'm lacking information, too, since I just jumped in, so maybe they are all completely developed earlier on.
One issue I see here is a reluctance to use commas. For example, you wrote:
"She was dressed in a white long sleeve blouse with small dark buttons and a high collar. Levi noticed her long raven hair, as it draped over her right shoulder."
I'd write it like this:
"She was dressed in a white, long-sleeved (need the -ed on there) blouse with small, dark buttons and a high collar. Levi noticed her long, raven hair as it draped over her shoulder." (Unless she's hiding a horrible scar or something else pertinent to the story, no one needs to know which shoulder it is.).
Keep it up. Don't be afraid to break up descriptors with commas.
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2017
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I love westerns. Lonesome Dove is one of my top ten favorite books ever. So I gave your book a go.
Nice job with the plotting and storytelling. The characters could be fleshed out a bit, but I'm lacking information, too, since I just jumped in, so maybe they are all completely developed earlier on.
One issue I see here is a reluctance to use commas. For example, you wrote:
"She was dressed in a white long sleeve blouse with small dark buttons and a high collar. Levi noticed her long raven hair, as it draped over her right shoulder."
I'd write it like this:
"She was dressed in a white, long-sleeved (need the -ed on there) blouse with small, dark buttons and a high collar. Levi noticed her long, raven hair as it draped over her shoulder." (Unless she's hiding a horrible scar or something else pertinent to the story, no one needs to know which shoulder it is.).
Keep it up. Don't be afraid to break up descriptors with commas.
Comment Written 05-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2017
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Thank you for your kind, and honest review. I have struggled with commas in the past. At first I was told that I used way too many. In my adjustment, I many have gone too far in the other direction. I will keep working on it. Thanks again, this is how I learn.
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Yeah, you are not alone. I taught English forever and sometimes I'm still wary about using commas. I'll help you where I can, if you like.
Comment from c_lucas
Life is dangerous for a Lawman.
Death could come at any time
There were no promises
For a safer tomorrow
***
This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2017
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Life is dangerous for a Lawman.
Death could come at any time
There were no promises
For a safer tomorrow
***
This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
Comment Written 05-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2017
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Thank you Lucas
