Haiku Club Challenge Multi-Author
Viewing comments for Chapter 10045 "Beach life"A collection of haiku written by FanStory Poets
5 total reviews
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
Yes my friend this is well written a beautiful descriptive haiku I will be able to read more of your work when I catch up my talented friend hoping to write something later to I enjoyed regards Jill
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2017
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Yes my friend this is well written a beautiful descriptive haiku I will be able to read more of your work when I catch up my talented friend hoping to write something later to I enjoyed regards Jill
Comment Written 04-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2017
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Did hope its soon! Thanks so much for your kind review
Hugs, Trisha
Comment from Asem.inspirations
OOOOOOOH Tirsh, have you been to the Caribbean? I haven't but I would sure like to go there one day to see first hand the clean sandy beaches and feel the hot days while looking up at the moon and the star lit skies at night. I long for that day.
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2017
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OOOOOOOH Tirsh, have you been to the Caribbean? I haven't but I would sure like to go there one day to see first hand the clean sandy beaches and feel the hot days while looking up at the moon and the star lit skies at night. I long for that day.
Comment Written 04-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2017
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Good morning Sunshine! Thanks for reviewing my Haiku ( you can join the FS challenge for HaiKu ask Dean KUch) I just joined Yesterday. I went on a 3 day cruise to Bahamas" but didn't get long off ship.
Have a wonderful day,
hugs Trisha
Comment from Heather Knight
You make these beaches sound very attractive, both during the day and at night. During the day we are promised clean sand and at night a starlit sky.
Thanks for sharing your little poem.
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2017
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You make these beaches sound very attractive, both during the day and at night. During the day we are promised clean sand and at night a starlit sky.
Thanks for sharing your little poem.
Comment Written 04-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2017
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You are welcome ! Thank you for your kind review
Hugs, Trisha
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You are welcome ! Thank you for your kind review
Hugs, Trisha
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You are welcome ! Thank you for your kind review
Hugs, Trisha
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
Very descriptive piece for the addition. YOu need to put chapter 7 in the description and sea so people know which one it goes to
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2017
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Very descriptive piece for the addition. YOu need to put chapter 7 in the description and sea so people know which one it goes to
Comment Written 03-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2017
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Thanks Barb for reminding me. I posted too soon last night and hopefully it's fixed. Thanks very much for reviewing.
Comment from Dean Kuch
I really loved the imagery you've created with your haiku, Trisha. There's few things that put me more at peace than a moonlit, starlit (one word) night.
However, your haiku is just a tad bit over the 17 syllables or less required for haiku.
Virgin sandy beach = 5 syllables
Hot days, moon and star lit nights =7 syllables
Caribbean paradise= also 7 syllables
There are a lot of ways you can correct this, but the way I'd recommend is writing something like the following:
Virgin sandy beach=5
Hot days, moon and star lit nights=7
Island paradise=5 ...or something to that effect.
Correct your syllable count and I'll return to you the star I've held hostage. Just make sure to let me know when you're done.
Great effort, though. Keep at it!
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2017
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I really loved the imagery you've created with your haiku, Trisha. There's few things that put me more at peace than a moonlit, starlit (one word) night.
However, your haiku is just a tad bit over the 17 syllables or less required for haiku.
Virgin sandy beach = 5 syllables
Hot days, moon and star lit nights =7 syllables
Caribbean paradise= also 7 syllables
There are a lot of ways you can correct this, but the way I'd recommend is writing something like the following:
Virgin sandy beach=5
Hot days, moon and star lit nights=7
Island paradise=5 ...or something to that effect.
Correct your syllable count and I'll return to you the star I've held hostage. Just make sure to let me know when you're done.
Great effort, though. Keep at it!
Comment Written 03-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2017
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It's done
Now, thanks Dean
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And your fifth star has been returned, Trisha.
It's all good now! :)
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Thanks again Dean,
Haiku in a haste
Brings Dean's so helpful rewrite
Under the moons starlit night
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No worries. I'm glad I could help. Heaven forbid the Haiku Nazis got ahold of you before I did, lol.;)
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I'm immune to Nasties LOL
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You made my morning shine !
