Perennials of War
Viewing comments for Chapter 38 "Chapter Zwolf part zwei"Is Anderson a gallant knight? Can he recover Shan
26 total reviews
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Pork chops for breakfast? Why not? Sounds good.
Strong interaction between Shana and Emily, demonstrated by how they put the puzzle together.
Emily seems to have an attraction for wanting her daddy home. Typical of children her age.
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2022
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Pork chops for breakfast? Why not? Sounds good.
Strong interaction between Shana and Emily, demonstrated by how they put the puzzle together.
Emily seems to have an attraction for wanting her daddy home. Typical of children her age.
Comment Written 12-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2022
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Wow! You went back aways to find this one. I'm very grateful you've done that. I'm sorry no money's attached to reward you.
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Funny money is not all that important to me. I usually read something cause I want to, or if I can help someone get to Recognized or All-Time Best. Those are the pieces I like to review, and yes, I do look for them.
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Thank you. I appreciate it.
Comment from kathleenspalding
Cute chapter is entertaining and builds/reinforcement the relationships between the ladies.
Just a few things for your consideration-
At that moment, Jane and Emily entered. - maybe revisit for more active wording
Jane set the puzzle on the carpeted floor of the playroom. - Difficult to do a jigsaw puzzle on carpet. Is there a hard surface they can use?
they counted the four corners. - this would be done for a 2 to 5 or 6 year old? maybe a little young for Emily?
snickerdoodle is one word
With twinkling eyes and a smile, Emily said, "I'm sure Daddy will say they're his favorite, because they're mine. Mommy says we're exactly alike." - Too cute!!!
That's it. Great job!
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2017
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Cute chapter is entertaining and builds/reinforcement the relationships between the ladies.
Just a few things for your consideration-
At that moment, Jane and Emily entered. - maybe revisit for more active wording
Jane set the puzzle on the carpeted floor of the playroom. - Difficult to do a jigsaw puzzle on carpet. Is there a hard surface they can use?
they counted the four corners. - this would be done for a 2 to 5 or 6 year old? maybe a little young for Emily?
snickerdoodle is one word
With twinkling eyes and a smile, Emily said, "I'm sure Daddy will say they're his favorite, because they're mine. Mommy says we're exactly alike." - Too cute!!!
That's it. Great job!
Comment Written 04-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2017
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Emily is 5. I will take a looks a the other areas and will for sure correct snickerdoodle. As I wrote it the spell check corrected it to 2 words. LOL It's not in the dictionary. I am now using the dictionary. Not in dictionary, now the internet. Thank you
Comment from Ben Colder
You have entered a stage where I see nothing wrong with the story or the way it is written. I hope you the best in your publishing. As always, it is a delight to read your work.
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2017
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You have entered a stage where I see nothing wrong with the story or the way it is written. I hope you the best in your publishing. As always, it is a delight to read your work.
Comment Written 04-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2017
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Thank you for the kind review. I am probably going with Amazon.
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You should get great exposure. Your work deserves it.
Comment from country ranch writer
Love the work up and presentation for this and I love the kitten you have chosen it is so precious and the blue eyes really look so cure they have much spunk.
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2017
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Love the work up and presentation for this and I love the kitten you have chosen it is so precious and the blue eyes really look so cure they have much spunk.
Comment Written 02-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2017
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
Hello my friend this is well written it is lovely to see all the ladies bonding and having fun with their cake making I enjoyed well done regards Jill
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2017
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Hello my friend this is well written it is lovely to see all the ladies bonding and having fun with their cake making I enjoyed well done regards Jill
Comment Written 02-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2017
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Ulla
Hi Barbara, you're right there's not much action, but that is sometimes needed to get along with the story. I liked what i read though and I'm looking forward to what's next. All the best. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2017
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Hi Barbara, you're right there's not much action, but that is sometimes needed to get along with the story. I liked what i read though and I'm looking forward to what's next. All the best. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 02-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2017
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from pbroussard209
I haven't read the beginning, but I like this chapter. I enjoyed how they were trying to cook kosher for Shana. It is difficult to adjust to another cultures way of cooking. Way back when I was in the Army one of my roommates was Jewish, I will admit I was an epic failure at trying to accommodate her to her food rules. (I love bacon, on everything, lol). but I did love her flat bread and scrambled eggs, with a side of bacon of course.
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2017
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I haven't read the beginning, but I like this chapter. I enjoyed how they were trying to cook kosher for Shana. It is difficult to adjust to another cultures way of cooking. Way back when I was in the Army one of my roommates was Jewish, I will admit I was an epic failure at trying to accommodate her to her food rules. (I love bacon, on everything, lol). but I did love her flat bread and scrambled eggs, with a side of bacon of course.
Comment Written 02-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2017
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
This is a nice insight into Emily, but doesn't do much to push the plot further along...
"Show me what you'd like and I'll help. We'll discuss kosher another day. - need closing speech marks here.
The explaining the corner piece to Emily made me pause a bit as she is 5. Would most five year olds not be pretty familiar with this by that age?
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2017
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Hi there,
This is a nice insight into Emily, but doesn't do much to push the plot further along...
"Show me what you'd like and I'll help. We'll discuss kosher another day. - need closing speech marks here.
The explaining the corner piece to Emily made me pause a bit as she is 5. Would most five year olds not be pretty familiar with this by that age?
Comment Written 02-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2017
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I felt I needed to work on Emily and Shana's relationship because it will be important later in the novel. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from kriver
Hi,
I was wondering how many
fan story chapters does it take to make up
a real chapter in a book
because it sure is taking
one heck of long time to get anywhere
to where the action is actually going to take place
I think there is just too much character development
all in one major chunk
It seems like it would be better and
hold the reader's interest more effectively
if more action were interspersed
in these chapters of character building
granted character building is important
but like salt a little goes along way
to bring out the favor
but too much spoils the dish
overall I think the way the dialogue
is written is good and flows well
Best regards,
K River
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2017
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Hi,
I was wondering how many
fan story chapters does it take to make up
a real chapter in a book
because it sure is taking
one heck of long time to get anywhere
to where the action is actually going to take place
I think there is just too much character development
all in one major chunk
It seems like it would be better and
hold the reader's interest more effectively
if more action were interspersed
in these chapters of character building
granted character building is important
but like salt a little goes along way
to bring out the favor
but too much spoils the dish
overall I think the way the dialogue
is written is good and flows well
Best regards,
K River
Comment Written 01-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2017
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You have a valid point, but the action will mean nothing if the characters aren't defined. Thank you for the kind review.
PS there was plenty of action early.
Comment from Sisco Molinas
I found no SPaG at all but I was a little puzzled by the lack of action until I read your explanation in the notes below. I will try to keep up and look forward to the exciting parts.
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2017
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I found no SPaG at all but I was a little puzzled by the lack of action until I read your explanation in the notes below. I will try to keep up and look forward to the exciting parts.
Comment Written 01-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2017
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Thank you for the kind review.
