Patterns
Viewing comments for Chapter 18 "Satellites"poetry
9 total reviews
Comment from PoemsOfDD
Estory, I enjoyed this free style poem on satellites and space. I appreciated the simplicity of it which enhances the effect of the content. I'm all for expanding avenues to outer space. It's the litter we leave behind which bothers me.
I enjoyed reading your end notes too. ~DD
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2017
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Estory, I enjoyed this free style poem on satellites and space. I appreciated the simplicity of it which enhances the effect of the content. I'm all for expanding avenues to outer space. It's the litter we leave behind which bothers me.
I enjoyed reading your end notes too. ~DD
Comment Written 26-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2017
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Thank you for this excellent review and for your interesting comments supporting the poem. I was actually thinking of doing a piece about space garbage. I read an article in National Geographic about all these moon rovers they want to send up there, to leave behind, and the monument they want to make out of our abandoned moon camp. I wonder what the moon will be like in the future. Probably a garbage dump. estory
Comment from kiwigirl2821
Hello Estory. I think you captured space quite well. You are a writer as well who knows how to layer words to create not only a story but an experience. While the reader was reading the repeats and types of satellites (all of which imply surrounded by darkness) I felt that darkness and all the sounds that would be going on depending on what kind of communication device was being used. It was a similar feeling to that movie "Contact". Great write. xoxo Kiwi
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2017
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Hello Estory. I think you captured space quite well. You are a writer as well who knows how to layer words to create not only a story but an experience. While the reader was reading the repeats and types of satellites (all of which imply surrounded by darkness) I felt that darkness and all the sounds that would be going on depending on what kind of communication device was being used. It was a similar feeling to that movie "Contact". Great write. xoxo Kiwi
Comment Written 22-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2017
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Thank you for the excellent review and for all your interesting comments supporting this poem. I am glad you enjoyed it, the effect you felt was the effect I was trying to create, hanging suspended in outer space, weightless, in orbit, transmitting all the data on the dish antennas. I remember looking through my father's telescope once and being lucky enough to see skylab floating passed for a brief moment. estory
Comment from Asem.inspirations
Good morning estory,
this is another piece in which you continue in your unique style. I love the way you break it down for us in the Arthur notes. You really take us through the trip that you poem seems to take us on.
Below is a very good point:
"To capture that sense of orbit, I used repetitions, and I tried to throw in a little sinister element with all those spy satellites, and a sense of the coldness of the mechanical machines going about their programs, with nothing you can do about it." estory
Very well done...
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2017
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Good morning estory,
this is another piece in which you continue in your unique style. I love the way you break it down for us in the Arthur notes. You really take us through the trip that you poem seems to take us on.
Below is a very good point:
"To capture that sense of orbit, I used repetitions, and I tried to throw in a little sinister element with all those spy satellites, and a sense of the coldness of the mechanical machines going about their programs, with nothing you can do about it." estory
Very well done...
Comment Written 22-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2017
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Thank you for the excellent review and your interesting comments supporting this poem. I am glad you enjoyed it, that the effects created were successful. Soon my poems here will be going in another direction estory
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Well, I will be eagerly looking forward to reading all of your work. I enjoy your poetry and will love the changes too.
When you get a chance I would love to hear what you think of a poem that I re-promoted. It is called, Little Girl's Destiny" I hope you like it.
Comment from Irish Rain
Just wonderful. I, personally would hate to be a satellite...I know they have courses to follow, but I don't trust technology, and there are ....black holes. This definitely gave me the sense of satellites, I'm remembering Russia's first,(was it Sputnik?) we were in such awe. Blessings...
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2017
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Just wonderful. I, personally would hate to be a satellite...I know they have courses to follow, but I don't trust technology, and there are ....black holes. This definitely gave me the sense of satellites, I'm remembering Russia's first,(was it Sputnik?) we were in such awe. Blessings...
Comment Written 21-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2017
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Thank you for the excellent review and your interesting comments supporting the poem. Yes, sputnik was the first, little more than a tin can with a beeper in it. Space is one of my favorite mediums. I always liked the idea of floating around, weightless, drifting off into the stars and the nebulae and the star clusters and galaxies and quasars. estory
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I loved the movie, 'Contact'....beautiful
Comment from rama devi
Superb creativity with this. Your poem succeeds in the aims you express in the notes. I enjoyed the subtle contrast of the gentle voicing with the subtle sinister overtones sneaking in there. The repetition device is well employed. Sounds great read aloud. My only suggestion (optional) is to not cap every line--as you can signal the reader when a line has enjambment by using lower case on it. This is especially relevant in your poem since there is so much enjambment between stanzas. It would be a smoother read if you choose that style rather than capping all lines. Example:
Weightless
weightless in their orbits
around the planet Earth
in orbit
in orbit
The spy satellites
the weather satellites
the telecommunications satellites
communicating
communicating information
with their dish antennas
and their solar panels
High resolution pictures
infrared time lapse images
digitally compressed news
long distance telephone conversations
received and transmitted
around and around
the planet Earth
in orbit
in orbit
From outer space
we can see the satellites
The spy satellites
and the weather satellites
and the telecommunications satellites
glitter in the sunlight
with their golden solar panels extended
and their dish antennas pointed back to Earth
going around and around and around
with all of their blinking lights
all of their blinking lights
of blinking lights
blinking lights
blinking
lights
I especially loved the way repetition made those lights blink in the mind's eye in the end. Well done!
Very creative.
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2017
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Superb creativity with this. Your poem succeeds in the aims you express in the notes. I enjoyed the subtle contrast of the gentle voicing with the subtle sinister overtones sneaking in there. The repetition device is well employed. Sounds great read aloud. My only suggestion (optional) is to not cap every line--as you can signal the reader when a line has enjambment by using lower case on it. This is especially relevant in your poem since there is so much enjambment between stanzas. It would be a smoother read if you choose that style rather than capping all lines. Example:
Weightless
weightless in their orbits
around the planet Earth
in orbit
in orbit
The spy satellites
the weather satellites
the telecommunications satellites
communicating
communicating information
with their dish antennas
and their solar panels
High resolution pictures
infrared time lapse images
digitally compressed news
long distance telephone conversations
received and transmitted
around and around
the planet Earth
in orbit
in orbit
From outer space
we can see the satellites
The spy satellites
and the weather satellites
and the telecommunications satellites
glitter in the sunlight
with their golden solar panels extended
and their dish antennas pointed back to Earth
going around and around and around
with all of their blinking lights
all of their blinking lights
of blinking lights
blinking lights
blinking
lights
I especially loved the way repetition made those lights blink in the mind's eye in the end. Well done!
Very creative.
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 21-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2017
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Thanks for the excellent review and all your interesting comments and suggestions supporting the poem. I am kind of a traditionalist when it comes to capping lines of poetry, that's the way it has always been done, and I have respect for tradition. I don't think it detracts much to read it the way you uncapped it though, the repetitions are really the critical element in capturing that effect of repeating orbits, repeating functions of the satellite. estory
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Thanks for your gracious response and sharing your POV on the caps. I agree it USED to be done that way in some styles but not that it is the way is has ALWAYS been done. That's not actually true. But I respect your choice, of course!
Warm Smiles, rd
Comment from Dean Kuch
And we owe it all to the Russians and Sputnik, estory.
In David Bowie's hit song, Major Tom, from his A Space Oddity album, Major Tom decides to allow himself and his capsule to drift off into deep space, never to be seen or heard from again, because planet Earth looked blue and there was nothing he could do.
Oh woe are we,
we Earthly few,
who watch and wait
while feeling blue...
Nice work. I felt you captured the essence of floating weightless in orbit quite well through your words.
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2017
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And we owe it all to the Russians and Sputnik, estory.
In David Bowie's hit song, Major Tom, from his A Space Oddity album, Major Tom decides to allow himself and his capsule to drift off into deep space, never to be seen or heard from again, because planet Earth looked blue and there was nothing he could do.
Oh woe are we,
we Earthly few,
who watch and wait
while feeling blue...
Nice work. I felt you captured the essence of floating weightless in orbit quite well through your words.
Comment Written 21-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2017
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Thank you for your excellent review and for your interesting comments supporting the poem. I am glad that the effect I tried to capture with the repetitions seemed successful. Glad you enjoyed your trip to outer space; riding in someone else's capsule will cost a few million. estory
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My pleasure.
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This speaks an adventure into the space, sensation of being in space with the satellites, flying around the earth in orbit, weightlessness, sending or receiving communications; I liked.
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2017
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This speaks an adventure into the space, sensation of being in space with the satellites, flying around the earth in orbit, weightlessness, sending or receiving communications; I liked.
Comment Written 21-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2017
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Thanks for the excellent review and for all your interesting comments supporting this poem estory
Comment from Mustang Patty
Your use of repetition and technological words came across well in portraying moving around in space. The visual picture I had was one of the sounds of their beeps and digital whirring as they relay information back to earth.
Well done,
~patty~
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2017
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Your use of repetition and technological words came across well in portraying moving around in space. The visual picture I had was one of the sounds of their beeps and digital whirring as they relay information back to earth.
Well done,
~patty~
Comment Written 21-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2017
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Thanks for the excellent review and for all your interesting comments supporting this poem, glad you enjoyed the outer space effects estory
Comment from Vicki Easterly
Excellent poem. This successfully conveys the loss of personal contact in a digital world. The way you separated the lines at the end is chilling. It made me picture the end of the world, or the aftermath of a nuclear war. Well done.
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2017
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Excellent poem. This successfully conveys the loss of personal contact in a digital world. The way you separated the lines at the end is chilling. It made me picture the end of the world, or the aftermath of a nuclear war. Well done.
Comment Written 21-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2017
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Thank you again for this amazing six star review, and for all your support of this poem. I don't get too many sixes, so I appreciate it estory
