Once upon the heart..
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Still Loving you"Love poems
29 total reviews
Comment from pipersfancy
It's a perfectly lovely love poem the poet has offered here! Technically, very sound with consistent rhyme and meter throughout which blend perfectly with the subject matter. The form supports the theme without ever drawing specific attention to itself.
I'll offer one minor suggestion for consideration:
but I'm still loving you.!
vs
but still, I'm loving you.!
Also, you don't need both the period (.) as well as the exclamation mark (!) at the end!
Best of luck in the contest,
pf
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2017
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It's a perfectly lovely love poem the poet has offered here! Technically, very sound with consistent rhyme and meter throughout which blend perfectly with the subject matter. The form supports the theme without ever drawing specific attention to itself.
I'll offer one minor suggestion for consideration:
but I'm still loving you.!
vs
but still, I'm loving you.!
Also, you don't need both the period (.) as well as the exclamation mark (!) at the end!
Best of luck in the contest,
pf
Comment Written 22-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2017
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Aw thank you so much for the sweet review and 6 shiny stars!! Much appreciated. Thank you also for the suggestion. Always like new ways of looking at things :-)
Comment from ExperiencingLiphe
I love going to sleep in the arms of the one I love. It's the most comforting and peaceful place I know. It's also the place I feel the safest. I loved reading this. It's a good feeling to know you found this person
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2017
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I love going to sleep in the arms of the one I love. It's the most comforting and peaceful place I know. It's also the place I feel the safest. I loved reading this. It's a good feeling to know you found this person
Comment Written 21-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2017
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Thank you so much for this kind review! I appreciate you taking the time to read! :-)
Comment from rspoet
This is very nice poem and entry for the contest
It reads beautifully with smooth meter and excellent rhymes
and has an "olden" sound to it that works well
"Oh, lovelier than lyrics sung,
sweet gilded sentiments!"
A fine ballad matched by the art work
Very well done
Best wishes in the contest
RS
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2017
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This is very nice poem and entry for the contest
It reads beautifully with smooth meter and excellent rhymes
and has an "olden" sound to it that works well
"Oh, lovelier than lyrics sung,
sweet gilded sentiments!"
A fine ballad matched by the art work
Very well done
Best wishes in the contest
RS
Comment Written 21-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2017
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You so sweet!!...Thank you so much for this wonderful review and all those stars!!!.. I'm smiling!! :-))
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Lovely image.
-Very nicely written poem, Susan.
-I like the style and language that
is reminiscent of the classic
romance poems:
"Oh, lovelier than lyrics sung,
sweet gilded sentiments!"
-I hope you do well in the contest.
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2017
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-Lovely image.
-Very nicely written poem, Susan.
-I like the style and language that
is reminiscent of the classic
romance poems:
"Oh, lovelier than lyrics sung,
sweet gilded sentiments!"
-I hope you do well in the contest.
Comment Written 21-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2017
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Hi Pam! Well thank you for such a wonderful review...and the extra star!!.. HUGS :-)))
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You are quite welcome and deserving, Susan.
Comment from crowdog110
Hello friend! It's been a while and I was so glad to see this poem upon my return. I may not be or know the most technical aspects of poem construction, but I know when writing evokes feeling...and this truly does. I appreciate the beauty in which you string these emotion filled words together. I gladly say 6! I need to look back at works I've missed for, what I'm sure will be, pleasant surprises.
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2017
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Hello friend! It's been a while and I was so glad to see this poem upon my return. I may not be or know the most technical aspects of poem construction, but I know when writing evokes feeling...and this truly does. I appreciate the beauty in which you string these emotion filled words together. I gladly say 6! I need to look back at works I've missed for, what I'm sure will be, pleasant surprises.
Comment Written 21-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2017
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There you are!!!!!! missed you!...Thanks for the review..I'm smiling. :-)))) chat soon ok...
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
I love the flow of delicate words cascading into perfect petals of perfumed words falling into a delightful poem that rolls from the tongue in rhyme, such joy, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2017
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I love the flow of delicate words cascading into perfect petals of perfumed words falling into a delightful poem that rolls from the tongue in rhyme, such joy, love Dolly x
Comment Written 21-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2017
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Hi Dolly! thank you so much for taking the time to read and review!! I do appreciate it! Hugs :-)
Comment from Oatmeal
susanjohn,
You did a wonderful job with this challenge. The flow was very nice. Very well reflected thoughts and opinions, expressiveness is working well. The theme was good. The artwork complemented your poem.
There was no SPAG. No typos. No homophones. No problems at all.
I look forward to seeing you again.
Love you,
Oatmeal
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2017
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susanjohn,
You did a wonderful job with this challenge. The flow was very nice. Very well reflected thoughts and opinions, expressiveness is working well. The theme was good. The artwork complemented your poem.
There was no SPAG. No typos. No homophones. No problems at all.
I look forward to seeing you again.
Love you,
Oatmeal
Comment Written 20-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2017
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Well hello and thank you!!! I appreciate the wonderful review!!
Comment from WalkerMan
This well presented poem is a splendidly beautiful love ballad. The narrator, aptly illustrated as standing in this garden of wildflowers as the sun sets, expresses her thankfulness for the manifestation ("with potter's hands, formed whole") of the love of her longing dreams, gently relieving her burdens and forging trust as sadness fades, and begging that he stay forever. She speaks of her wonder that by some mysterious process her midnight dreams have come true, and of how the resultant feelings are lovelier than lyrics can express. She goes on to thank God (as represented through her beloved) for allaying her worst fears, for standing by her, for wiping away her tears, and guiding her like a beacon of light; then declares, in no longer silenced voice, her desire that their lives be forever shared. Finally, as dusk gathers and petals close, she asserts that her love will endure long past the close of that day. Superb. Few love ballads have such depth.
The following items did not affect the star rating, as this poem is too wondrous to suffer from these easily corrected things. Corrections are shown on the left, comments on the right.
Stanza 2, lines 3 & 4:
love's heeded longing's urgent plea -- <= change comma to long dash
with potter's hands, formed whole. <= change semicolon to comma
Stanza 3, lines 3 & 4:
hence, forging trust when sadness dies; <= change comma to semicolon
behest: forever stay. <= change semicolon to colon
Stanza 4, lines 2, 3, & 4:
how midnight dreams come true. <= add period at end
Life's mys'tries oft ne'er be shown; <= oft (for meter); semicolon
yet, here I am with you. <= remove double quote mark
Stanza 6, line 3:
erased away all fallen tears ... <= add space for consistency
Stanza 7, lines 1, 2, & 3:
Once silenced voice can now declare <= no comma
(the Heavens so attest), <= simple plural, no apostrophe
forevermore our lifetimes share ... <= simple plural, no apostrophe
Stanza 8, line 4:
but I'm still loving you! <= remove period
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2017
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This well presented poem is a splendidly beautiful love ballad. The narrator, aptly illustrated as standing in this garden of wildflowers as the sun sets, expresses her thankfulness for the manifestation ("with potter's hands, formed whole") of the love of her longing dreams, gently relieving her burdens and forging trust as sadness fades, and begging that he stay forever. She speaks of her wonder that by some mysterious process her midnight dreams have come true, and of how the resultant feelings are lovelier than lyrics can express. She goes on to thank God (as represented through her beloved) for allaying her worst fears, for standing by her, for wiping away her tears, and guiding her like a beacon of light; then declares, in no longer silenced voice, her desire that their lives be forever shared. Finally, as dusk gathers and petals close, she asserts that her love will endure long past the close of that day. Superb. Few love ballads have such depth.
The following items did not affect the star rating, as this poem is too wondrous to suffer from these easily corrected things. Corrections are shown on the left, comments on the right.
Stanza 2, lines 3 & 4:
love's heeded longing's urgent plea -- <= change comma to long dash
with potter's hands, formed whole. <= change semicolon to comma
Stanza 3, lines 3 & 4:
hence, forging trust when sadness dies; <= change comma to semicolon
behest: forever stay. <= change semicolon to colon
Stanza 4, lines 2, 3, & 4:
how midnight dreams come true. <= add period at end
Life's mys'tries oft ne'er be shown; <= oft (for meter); semicolon
yet, here I am with you. <= remove double quote mark
Stanza 6, line 3:
erased away all fallen tears ... <= add space for consistency
Stanza 7, lines 1, 2, & 3:
Once silenced voice can now declare <= no comma
(the Heavens so attest), <= simple plural, no apostrophe
forevermore our lifetimes share ... <= simple plural, no apostrophe
Stanza 8, line 4:
but I'm still loving you! <= remove period
Comment Written 20-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2017
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Thank you mike for such a detailed review. I will make the corrections. You really captured the essence of this poem.
Comment from Teri7
This is a very beautiful love poem you have penned for the contest. You used such great descriptive wording and very good imagery with the art work. Best wishes in the contest! Teri
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2017
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This is a very beautiful love poem you have penned for the contest. You used such great descriptive wording and very good imagery with the art work. Best wishes in the contest! Teri
Comment Written 20-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2017
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Hi Teri!....I'm back :-)..thanks for the review!! I'll hop on over to your page soon! hugs :-)
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I enjoy your work my friend! Blessings, Teri
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
Alas! Dusk beckons petals close,
bid gardens sweet adieu ...
much needed slumber, I suppose;
but I'm still loving you.!
What a beautiful. lyrical poem! It was truly a magical read well done I enjoyed your word choices so much and felt the feeling behind this poem deeply. Well done much Love Meia xx
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2017
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Alas! Dusk beckons petals close,
bid gardens sweet adieu ...
much needed slumber, I suppose;
but I'm still loving you.!
What a beautiful. lyrical poem! It was truly a magical read well done I enjoyed your word choices so much and felt the feeling behind this poem deeply. Well done much Love Meia xx
Comment Written 20-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2017
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Meia wordy girl! HI!!...thanks for the review...I so appreciate it. I'll get over to your page soon :-)
