Reviews from

Haiku Club Challenges, Book II

Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "his knees ache (senryu)"
an anthology of haiku written by fanstory poets

76 total reviews 
Comment from Oatmeal
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Sis Cat,

Good for you. I could not make it five miles ever, especially today. lol

Descriptive picture. Short, sweet and clean...just like I like them! Nicely effective and impressive. Very well reflected thoughts and expressions. The words you chose worked well. It is perfectly written and completely error free.

I look forward to seeing you again.

Love you,

Oatmeal


 Comment Written 20-Jul-2017


reply by the author on 20-Jul-2017
    Oh, thank you, Oatmeal, for your encouraging review I read before I jog another mile this evening.
Comment from l.raven
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HI Andre, OMG...CONGRATULATIONS my sweet friend...that is wonderful...not all the pain...but for the medal won...and the biggest win was getting over the line...you ask Him and He will get you there...thank you so much for sharing your wonderful news...I love the smiling face...made me smile...a priceless picture you...love Linda xxoo

 Comment Written 20-Jul-2017


reply by the author on 20-Jul-2017
    Yes, Linda, my biggest win was crossing the finish line after one hour, two minutes and fifty-seven seconds. I prayed every step, or limp, of the way. Thank you for your review and congratulations.
reply by l.raven on 20-Jul-2017
    you are so welcome Andre...always...love xxoo
Comment from bhogg
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enjoyed the post and the accompanying photo. Actually, I liked the photo best of all. The best part of any exercise is the finish. Certainly more of a Senryu than Haiku. Don't know if your contest specifies Haiku.

 Comment Written 20-Jul-2017


reply by the author on 20-Jul-2017
    Bhogg, I am so glad I took that selfie after my race. I was going to use a generic picture of an elderly man racing, but my picture is the real deal. Thank you for your review and compliments.
Comment from Zinnia48
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Three brief lines tell a whole lot of story in this haiku: passion, commitment, and dedication, and a tolerance for pain. I used to be a runner (until I had a couple of knee surgeries). I can feel your pain. thanks for the lovely read. caroline

 Comment Written 20-Jul-2017


reply by the author on 20-Jul-2017
    Yes, Zinnia, my haiku tell a story. Each line unveils a different aspect of my story. The brilliant thing about the satori "finish line in sight" is that it invites the reader to complete the story by imagining an exhausted, pained man limping across the finish line.

    Thank you for your review. Now I must go run before the sun sets.
Comment from Pam (respa)
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-Nice photo.
-Author notes appreciated.
-Hope your knees are doing better, Sis Cat.
-Syllable count is good.
-The imagery conveys your feelings very well.
-You finally make it to the finish line!
-Thanks for sharing.

 Comment Written 20-Jul-2017


reply by the author on 20-Jul-2017
    Yes, Pam, I finally made it to the finish line and am preparing to race around the block this evening. Thank you for your review.
reply by Pam (respa) on 21-Jul-2017
    Glad to hear you are doing well. You are most welcome for the review.
Comment from rspoet
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Well done, Andre, a fine accomplishment
I never run, unless someone is chasing me
But I did do most sports for many years
It does extract a toll on the body.
A fine senryu/haiku for the challenge, as well
Sometimes, finishing a poem for a contest deadline
can have the same effect. (I never liked the word deadline,
finishline is much friendlier)
Great photograph to match
Congratulations
RS

 Comment Written 20-Jul-2017


reply by the author on 21-Jul-2017
    Thank you, RS, for your review and congratulations. Yes, I feel exhilarated, too, when I finish a poem before the contest deadline.
Comment from elainec4
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Excellent senryu. I love both haiku and senryu because of the brevity of word and thought. Yours is an excellent example. It conveys clear thought--and your photo is perfect.

 Comment Written 20-Jul-2017


reply by the author on 21-Jul-2017
    Oh, thank you, elainec4, for your review of my excellent example of haiku/senryu. I appreciate it.
Comment from jusylee72
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So true, easier to stop than continue but the relief of making it to the finish line is a lesson we need in every aspect of life. I enjoyed you short but wonderful poem.

 Comment Written 20-Jul-2017


reply by the author on 21-Jul-2017
    Thank you, jusylee72, for your review. Yes, I was relieved when I crossed that finish line.
Comment from doggymad
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Congratulations on the write and on finishing this gruelling challenge.

I a few short words you have penned what every runner must feel as the finish line approaches and they summons their last ounce of strength to cross it

hugs

Freda

 Comment Written 20-Jul-2017


reply by the author on 21-Jul-2017
    Thank you, Freda, for your review and congratulations on both my poem and finishing a grueling challenge.
Comment from jaded831
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We should all have tat kind of determination. Unfortunately I'm a wimp, I pray everyday to have courage like you describe, some days yes others no. Back to your poem, really nothing else to say, it's great. Easy to read, great form, universal theme, no reader can ask for more.

 Comment Written 20-Jul-2017


reply by the author on 21-Jul-2017
    Oh, thank you, jaded831, for your encouraging review. I can't ask for anything more about my poem with a universal appeal..