Revenge
An Ode65 total reviews
Comment from Boogienights
Such an Epic poem, I really loved it.Wonderful descriptive language, it came to life in my mind, I could see this brave female warrior in battle and in the end conflicted about what to do! Each wonderful phrase rolled into another, I didn't want it to end. Thank you for this.
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2017
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Such an Epic poem, I really loved it.Wonderful descriptive language, it came to life in my mind, I could see this brave female warrior in battle and in the end conflicted about what to do! Each wonderful phrase rolled into another, I didn't want it to end. Thank you for this.
Comment Written 15-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2017
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Good to hear from you, Boogienights. Thanks very much for you supportive review and kind words. Much appreciated!. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from LaRosa
You truly deserve a Six Plus for this wonderfully, intelligent, and easy flowing poem.
I found it easy to read aloud. Its rhythm is flawless, that I can see.
I also enjoyed the use of, what, highly intellectual though easily understood crafting of rhyme and word choice.
I'm not sure how else to explain it, except to say: I love it.
Favorite phrase: 'Although forlorn, she'll build another soon. Life goes on.'
The basic call to life for the living.
Very special, very nice work.
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2017
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You truly deserve a Six Plus for this wonderfully, intelligent, and easy flowing poem.
I found it easy to read aloud. Its rhythm is flawless, that I can see.
I also enjoyed the use of, what, highly intellectual though easily understood crafting of rhyme and word choice.
I'm not sure how else to explain it, except to say: I love it.
Favorite phrase: 'Although forlorn, she'll build another soon. Life goes on.'
The basic call to life for the living.
Very special, very nice work.
Comment Written 15-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2017
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Good to hear from you, LaRosa. Thanks very much for you supportive review, kind words and virtual six. All much appreciated!. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from rheabug
This is an outstanding poem. You, my friend, have a talent beyond compare. Needless to say, I enjoyed this presentation. What more can I say? Write another and another. Hugs....
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2017
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This is an outstanding poem. You, my friend, have a talent beyond compare. Needless to say, I enjoyed this presentation. What more can I say? Write another and another. Hugs....
Comment Written 15-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2017
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Good to hear from you, Rheabug. Thanks very much for you supportive review, kind words and six stars. All much appreciated!. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from gsuarez
"Forgiveness is a gem that it hard to find", especially when treachery and deceit committed against one are hard to forget. Your ode did strike a chord and I thank you for sharing this powerful piece.
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2017
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"Forgiveness is a gem that it hard to find", especially when treachery and deceit committed against one are hard to forget. Your ode did strike a chord and I thank you for sharing this powerful piece.
Comment Written 15-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2017
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Thanks very much for you supportive review and six stars. Much appreciated!. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from Thomas Bowling
I wish I had a six. The deserves it. This is epic, a word I don't use very often. Your rhymes are exceptional and unforced. You never missed a beat. Very good.
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2017
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I wish I had a six. The deserves it. This is epic, a word I don't use very often. Your rhymes are exceptional and unforced. You never missed a beat. Very good.
Comment Written 15-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2017
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Good to hear from you, Thomas. Thanks very much for you supportive review and virtual six. Much appreciated!. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
All I can say is 'wow'. Excellently done ode and according to the notes you gave, it is all done very well unless I missed a spot. A tale of a woman after revenge that should have just let it go.
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2017
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All I can say is 'wow'. Excellently done ode and according to the notes you gave, it is all done very well unless I missed a spot. A tale of a woman after revenge that should have just let it go.
Comment Written 15-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2017
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Thanks very much for you supportive review, Barb, and for the six stars. Much appreciated!. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
This is a remarkable poem, with great imagery in your descriptions, which drew me in and held my interest throughout - I was mesmerized.
Behold, the riders come with glinting swords,
and spurs to goad these steeds in blinkered hoods,
that paw the brazen earth in fierce display,
and neigh at the approach of their grim lords. --- so bold and dramatic
Had I a six it would be yours, Tony - awesome.
Margaret
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2017
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This is a remarkable poem, with great imagery in your descriptions, which drew me in and held my interest throughout - I was mesmerized.
Behold, the riders come with glinting swords,
and spurs to goad these steeds in blinkered hoods,
that paw the brazen earth in fierce display,
and neigh at the approach of their grim lords. --- so bold and dramatic
Had I a six it would be yours, Tony - awesome.
Margaret
Comment Written 15-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2017
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Thanks very much for you supportive review and generous comments, Margaret. The suggestion of six virtual stars is a bonus. Much appreciated!. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from rama devi
Wow--this is impressive. Intense tone, imagery and story. Superb descriptive detail. Superb rhymes. uperb flow and meter. Outstanding ohonetics with poetic devices (too many to note them all--but I know you know I notice each one and applaud. I especially enjoyed reading this aloud, and especially these lines:
Wild fly their feathered tails as stallions stamp
and snort a trailing mist of billowed breath.
and these lines:
Behold, the riders come with glinting swords,
and spurs to goad these steeds in blinkered hoods,
that paw the brazen earth in fierce display,
and neigh at the approach of their grim lords.
and these lines as well:
surveying mouldered peat of peasant rooves
and fields of golden corn now razed and bare,
and woodland ways, enjoyed in solitude
before that tragic day, when her horse shied
at sudden swoop and tumble-feathered claw
All of the above are utterly original and utterly masterful and utterly descirptive! But these (below) are my favorite to read aloud--and brilliant rhymes. Wow (note optioanl comma suggestions too):
constraining secret fires, catlike and lithe,
and(,) in her hectic eye(,) the hollow sight
of one who had been cut by death's sharp scythe
that swept across the land she once called home,
Just a few minor things to consider:
*Are you sure you want tor epeat the word wild here in line three when it starts the poem in line one?
Their wild eyes gleam with fear, their flanks still damp
Example synonym:
Their crazed eyes gleam with fear, their flanks still damp
8not sure about the scansion on the word entrails here:
that ripped a rabbit's heart, its entrails strewed,
Could be a matter of diction?
*
"Enough," he said. Just then(,) a skylark rose,
*
"Her life goes on." With that(,) he turned away
Insightful one-liner-sentence:
... A mob is of one voice,
and men of peace are often crucified.
*the mettrical substitution works fine here:
Slow, he walked away, hurt but unafraid.
But here is another option to consider:
He walked away, slow, hurt but unafraid.
*
Determined to avenge herself in gore
on those who wrecked her home, her love, her life.(,)
her spur dug in. She led her troop to war,
*
Yet(,) for a time(,) she seemed preoccupied,
*as visions flooded back of leprous crimes,(no ,)
and ate her heart, consuming every thought.
Potently voiced:
It takes an age to mine the counter-weight;
forgiveness is a gem that's hard to find.
*,
was thus assured,(no ,) as from the clear blue sky
*
unerringly towards the new(-)ploughed field
Most of the suggestions are optional, of course. Wish I had a six. This drew me in. It was riveting and so immensely eloquent!
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2017
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Wow--this is impressive. Intense tone, imagery and story. Superb descriptive detail. Superb rhymes. uperb flow and meter. Outstanding ohonetics with poetic devices (too many to note them all--but I know you know I notice each one and applaud. I especially enjoyed reading this aloud, and especially these lines:
Wild fly their feathered tails as stallions stamp
and snort a trailing mist of billowed breath.
and these lines:
Behold, the riders come with glinting swords,
and spurs to goad these steeds in blinkered hoods,
that paw the brazen earth in fierce display,
and neigh at the approach of their grim lords.
and these lines as well:
surveying mouldered peat of peasant rooves
and fields of golden corn now razed and bare,
and woodland ways, enjoyed in solitude
before that tragic day, when her horse shied
at sudden swoop and tumble-feathered claw
All of the above are utterly original and utterly masterful and utterly descirptive! But these (below) are my favorite to read aloud--and brilliant rhymes. Wow (note optioanl comma suggestions too):
constraining secret fires, catlike and lithe,
and(,) in her hectic eye(,) the hollow sight
of one who had been cut by death's sharp scythe
that swept across the land she once called home,
Just a few minor things to consider:
*Are you sure you want tor epeat the word wild here in line three when it starts the poem in line one?
Their wild eyes gleam with fear, their flanks still damp
Example synonym:
Their crazed eyes gleam with fear, their flanks still damp
8not sure about the scansion on the word entrails here:
that ripped a rabbit's heart, its entrails strewed,
Could be a matter of diction?
*
"Enough," he said. Just then(,) a skylark rose,
*
"Her life goes on." With that(,) he turned away
Insightful one-liner-sentence:
... A mob is of one voice,
and men of peace are often crucified.
*the mettrical substitution works fine here:
Slow, he walked away, hurt but unafraid.
But here is another option to consider:
He walked away, slow, hurt but unafraid.
*
Determined to avenge herself in gore
on those who wrecked her home, her love, her life.(,)
her spur dug in. She led her troop to war,
*
Yet(,) for a time(,) she seemed preoccupied,
*as visions flooded back of leprous crimes,(no ,)
and ate her heart, consuming every thought.
Potently voiced:
It takes an age to mine the counter-weight;
forgiveness is a gem that's hard to find.
*,
was thus assured,(no ,) as from the clear blue sky
*
unerringly towards the new(-)ploughed field
Most of the suggestions are optional, of course. Wish I had a six. This drew me in. It was riveting and so immensely eloquent!
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 15-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2017
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As always, I very much appreciate your input, RD, and have implemented almost all of your suggestions here. I decided that I would retain the assonance in the first verse by changing the second 'wild' to 'wide' - wide eyes. Many thanks for your time and meticulous care! Best wishes, Tony
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Wide eyes--perfect edit there!!! Brilliant. Thanks for your gracious response, dear Tony. Much appreciated.
Warm Wishes, rd
Comment from sharonlshelley
lovely long and interesting poem to read and i liked the picture it flowed very well with the poem thanks for sharing sharing your work with us Sharon
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2017
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lovely long and interesting poem to read and i liked the picture it flowed very well with the poem thanks for sharing sharing your work with us Sharon
Comment Written 15-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2017
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Thanks very much for you supportive review and generous comments, Sharon. Much appreciated!. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from Mitchell Brontė
Hi Tony
This is such a fine poem. I think I become a better poet from reading your work. You know how to focus on small things to express big things--occurrences, emotions, meanings--and describe for the reader the essence of it all, as far as you understand it. I like that your metaphors don't lose focus on the storyline, making this poem even more credible.
Mitchell
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2017
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Hi Tony
This is such a fine poem. I think I become a better poet from reading your work. You know how to focus on small things to express big things--occurrences, emotions, meanings--and describe for the reader the essence of it all, as far as you understand it. I like that your metaphors don't lose focus on the storyline, making this poem even more credible.
Mitchell
Comment Written 15-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2017
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Thanks very much for you supportive review and generous comments, Mitchell. The six stars are a bonus. Much appreciated!. Best wishes, Tony
