The Convict Train
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "The Ride Home"Levi escorts a train full of dangerous convicts
6 total reviews
Comment from Sally Law
Great chapter here again. I enjoyed catching up and still remembered from the last. I was glad about that because it's been a few weeks. You're very good with exciting details and I love the shoot out which added such color and flair to your western drama. I loved westerns growing up, especially Bonanza, The Rifleman, and The Big Valley.
You said you published this last fall, and I was wondering who your publisher is and how I can get it? Let me know. My first book is on Amazon Kindle and I'm very happy there. I receive royalties every month. However my book signings for last year were canceled due to COVID-19. Right now I'm focusing on FanStory for the time being. I'm not in any rush to print my other books until this pandemic gets taken care of. By the looks of things, it could go on for a while. I write every day since my eyesight is going away. I always have projects. At least I'll have everything ready in case these things get to print.
One nit: Sawyer smiled... feeling somewhat relieved(.) Missing period at the end of the sentence.
Sending you my best today as always,
Sally :)) XOs...
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2021
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Great chapter here again. I enjoyed catching up and still remembered from the last. I was glad about that because it's been a few weeks. You're very good with exciting details and I love the shoot out which added such color and flair to your western drama. I loved westerns growing up, especially Bonanza, The Rifleman, and The Big Valley.
You said you published this last fall, and I was wondering who your publisher is and how I can get it? Let me know. My first book is on Amazon Kindle and I'm very happy there. I receive royalties every month. However my book signings for last year were canceled due to COVID-19. Right now I'm focusing on FanStory for the time being. I'm not in any rush to print my other books until this pandemic gets taken care of. By the looks of things, it could go on for a while. I write every day since my eyesight is going away. I always have projects. At least I'll have everything ready in case these things get to print.
One nit: Sawyer smiled... feeling somewhat relieved(.) Missing period at the end of the sentence.
Sending you my best today as always,
Sally :)) XOs...
Comment Written 18-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2021
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Thank you for your review, I always look forward to hearing form you. All three of my books are on amazon, barns and noble and OutskirtsPress.com. The editing process made some changes in the chapters offered on FanStory. I understand your challenges with book signings. This Covid world has sure changed things. What is the title of your book on Kindle. I just got the kindle app.? I would look forward to reading it.
Comment from c_lucas
You have the Western lingo down pat and your actions are true blue. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read. There is good imagery.
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2017
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You have the Western lingo down pat and your actions are true blue. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read. There is good imagery.
Comment Written 16-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2017
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Thank you very much for your kind review. I see we both enjoy westerns. Some people say that westerns are out of date, but I don't believe that, as they have said this many times in the past, and yet readers continue to buy them. Happy trails my friend, I will look forward to hearing from you.
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Adding explicit sex to Westerns have did more harm than good.
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I agree 100%
Comment from nancy_e_davis
Well, it looks like Robyn found the nits and spags so I will just remark on how much I enjoy your chapter. I see you have acquired some additional reviewers. That is when you should fan them or at least review their work in turn Larry. Levi survived a very dangerous situation, but managed to survive due to his natural instincts and his new deputy. Well done. Nancy
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2017
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Well, it looks like Robyn found the nits and spags so I will just remark on how much I enjoy your chapter. I see you have acquired some additional reviewers. That is when you should fan them or at least review their work in turn Larry. Levi survived a very dangerous situation, but managed to survive due to his natural instincts and his new deputy. Well done. Nancy
Comment Written 10-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2017
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Thank you Nancy. Yes, Robyn's comments were very helpful and greatly appreciated. This story should be a lot of fun to write.
Comment from robyn corum
Mr. Green,
A fun chapter from the (old?) West. I enjoyed it immensely and thank you for the post. It is quite obvious that - a.) you've done your research on this topic and b.) you have a great deal of talent writing it. *smile* I look forward to more of the story.
Unfortunately, I also spotted a few nits, that I'll point out, if you'll allow?
1.) before where a player had tried (stealing) a base and was caught
2.) He (laid) there and took careful aim at the location
3.) bullets and neither one of them wanted to (waste) what few they had left.
4.) behind him he saw Leland Shepard (lying) prone, resting on his elbows
5.) then he just wondered why HE, a grown man,
--> it is much more preferable to use italics instead of full caps.
6.) He took his hat off his head, exposing the thin strands of hair
--> it's unclear who you are referring to with this paragraph -- the sheriff or the newly arrived deputy
7.) "Feeling some pangs of guilt, are ya(?)"
8.) Sawyer's (d)eputy was a slender man of about five feet ten inches tall
--> remember, it doesn't need capitalization unless it's a direct announcement of his name, i.e. "Deputy John Bull"
9.) They took care of it until they could find out what happened to him..
--> if this is a period, you have too many dots.
--> if this is an ellipsis, you have one too few
10.) Levi Sawyer and his (d)eputy began the ride back to Walla Walla.
11.) to keep an eye on you, an(') now I know why."
--> so folks will get that it's regional dialect AND they won't just think you left off a letter by accident.
12.) Then he would see a sparkle light up in the (deputy's) eyes,
--> there's only one deputy (singular) and the word is possessive because it refers to the eyes he owns. Make sense?
Hope this helps. Again, I enjoyed the read. Good luck!
PS,
Let me know if/when you edit and I will happily return and revise the rating.
Happy week!
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2017
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Mr. Green,
A fun chapter from the (old?) West. I enjoyed it immensely and thank you for the post. It is quite obvious that - a.) you've done your research on this topic and b.) you have a great deal of talent writing it. *smile* I look forward to more of the story.
Unfortunately, I also spotted a few nits, that I'll point out, if you'll allow?
1.) before where a player had tried (stealing) a base and was caught
2.) He (laid) there and took careful aim at the location
3.) bullets and neither one of them wanted to (waste) what few they had left.
4.) behind him he saw Leland Shepard (lying) prone, resting on his elbows
5.) then he just wondered why HE, a grown man,
--> it is much more preferable to use italics instead of full caps.
6.) He took his hat off his head, exposing the thin strands of hair
--> it's unclear who you are referring to with this paragraph -- the sheriff or the newly arrived deputy
7.) "Feeling some pangs of guilt, are ya(?)"
8.) Sawyer's (d)eputy was a slender man of about five feet ten inches tall
--> remember, it doesn't need capitalization unless it's a direct announcement of his name, i.e. "Deputy John Bull"
9.) They took care of it until they could find out what happened to him..
--> if this is a period, you have too many dots.
--> if this is an ellipsis, you have one too few
10.) Levi Sawyer and his (d)eputy began the ride back to Walla Walla.
11.) to keep an eye on you, an(') now I know why."
--> so folks will get that it's regional dialect AND they won't just think you left off a letter by accident.
12.) Then he would see a sparkle light up in the (deputy's) eyes,
--> there's only one deputy (singular) and the word is possessive because it refers to the eyes he owns. Make sense?
Hope this helps. Again, I enjoyed the read. Good luck!
PS,
Let me know if/when you edit and I will happily return and revise the rating.
Happy week!
Comment Written 09-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2017
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Thank you very much for your kind and honest review. Your suggestions were right on, and I value that. I have made the corrections, and I have also learned from your comments.
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This speaks how young Sheriff Sawyer and his deputy start making and growing their relationship upon mutual respect, how evident that deputy enjoys Sheriff's company; I liked.
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2017
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This speaks how young Sheriff Sawyer and his deputy start making and growing their relationship upon mutual respect, how evident that deputy enjoys Sheriff's company; I liked.
Comment Written 09-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2017
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Thank you very much for your review.
Comment from apky
This is the first time I'm reading this story. But luckily it's only chapter two. Which I already like very much.
You start off with a lot of action. Your descriptions - as seen below - are very vivid, as are your imageries as well.
Round after round began to hit the wagon. Dust sprayed from the ground as bullets hit dangerously close. Two more suddenly hit the box of the wagon, one went through the box and lodged into the floor of the wagon. Another bullet hit the rim of the wheel and there was the ping, as it ricocheted off into the air. Harvey took off closing the distance between them, finally taking cover just a few yards from the wagon.
Sawyer spun around under the wagon and tried to locate Harvey's position. They were playing chicken now, only they were playing with bullets and neither one of them wanted to waist what few they had left.
I'm sure to come back and read the next chapter of this story.
Cheers,
Apky
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2017
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This is the first time I'm reading this story. But luckily it's only chapter two. Which I already like very much.
You start off with a lot of action. Your descriptions - as seen below - are very vivid, as are your imageries as well.
Round after round began to hit the wagon. Dust sprayed from the ground as bullets hit dangerously close. Two more suddenly hit the box of the wagon, one went through the box and lodged into the floor of the wagon. Another bullet hit the rim of the wheel and there was the ping, as it ricocheted off into the air. Harvey took off closing the distance between them, finally taking cover just a few yards from the wagon.
Sawyer spun around under the wagon and tried to locate Harvey's position. They were playing chicken now, only they were playing with bullets and neither one of them wanted to waist what few they had left.
I'm sure to come back and read the next chapter of this story.
Cheers,
Apky
Comment Written 09-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2017
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Thank you very much for your kind review. They mean a lot, as I learn a great deal from them.
