Was I the Child You Lost?
Before my birth.68 total reviews
Comment from Ulla
Hi Andre, I find this a very moving poem and disturbing at the same time. For some women a miscarriage is a highly charged and disturbing experience. Let's not forget that a turmoil of the hormones also play a major part. A pregnancy plays havoc with them(The hormones) and thereby a woman's ability of seeing things clearly. I liked your poem a lot. Left a deep impression with me. All the best. Ulla:))
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2017
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Hi Andre, I find this a very moving poem and disturbing at the same time. For some women a miscarriage is a highly charged and disturbing experience. Let's not forget that a turmoil of the hormones also play a major part. A pregnancy plays havoc with them(The hormones) and thereby a woman's ability of seeing things clearly. I liked your poem a lot. Left a deep impression with me. All the best. Ulla:))
Comment Written 10-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2017
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Oh, thank you, Ulla, for your review and information. A turmoil of hormones may partly explain what my mother experienced before, during, and after her 1959 miscarriage. Her husband walked out on her, two kids, and a baby on the way that was never to be. I am glad my poem left a deep impression on you.
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My God, that must have been hard on your mother to be abandoned on top of everything else. I'm so sorry, that should happen. :))
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Yes, as my poem mentions, after my mother's death my brother found her unpublished essay which described her miscarriage and bouts with mental illness after her husband walked out on her. My mother almost lost her two children and her life. She was able to pull through with psychiatric therapy and medication. She never told any of us this.
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Wow, your mother obviously wanted to protect you all. How sad and lonely life can be. I'm glad you all know the truth though. I hope that makes sense. :))
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It's amazing how we can go through life thinking you know the person who is so close to you and then it turns out there's so much you didn't know at all. :))
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Yes, Ulla, I was and still am totally shocked at the information I uncovered about my parents after their deaths. I thought I knew them, but there was so much I did not know.
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I can so appreciate that.
Comment from estory
This poem is really strong emotionally and delves into some difficult subject matter. Here we have a mother worrying about a still born baby, and we have this great contrast between life and death in the poem, between hope and despair. your mother kind of sees the life of one baby reincarnated, born again out of death. It's really interesting. The language in this sonnet is really taught, tightly and tensely woven, twisted from rhyme to rhyme, and you have that great ending which seems like a reaching out to understand something that is hard to understand. There are no easy answers here. estory
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2017
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This poem is really strong emotionally and delves into some difficult subject matter. Here we have a mother worrying about a still born baby, and we have this great contrast between life and death in the poem, between hope and despair. your mother kind of sees the life of one baby reincarnated, born again out of death. It's really interesting. The language in this sonnet is really taught, tightly and tensely woven, twisted from rhyme to rhyme, and you have that great ending which seems like a reaching out to understand something that is hard to understand. There are no easy answers here. estory
Comment Written 10-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2017
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You are right, estory, there are no easy answers here. My mother left her children a five-page account of her struggle with mental illness following her miscarriage which followed her husband walking out on her, two kids, and a baby on the way who was not to be. She landed in a psych ward. Although she was later cured and reunited with her sons, I believe she channeled her anxieties into writing her poem when she was pregnant with me. My poem builds upon this, creating a structured sonnet to contrast her free verse, and yet I reused words from her poem to tie them together.
Thank you for your generous, six star review and kind thoughts. I appreciate it.
Comment from pome lover
well, I have read this several times. One minute I think you're still upset with your mother, and then I think, no-- she mourned the loss of the first child - after having wished it die, then yearned for the patter of "little feet," which was you.
At any rate, as always, your poetry is fascinating and (to me) mysterious.
Do you know what kind of marble (is it marble?) your father's sculpture is made of?
(pardon prep at end of sentence) It is really good.
Katharine - pome lover
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2017
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well, I have read this several times. One minute I think you're still upset with your mother, and then I think, no-- she mourned the loss of the first child - after having wished it die, then yearned for the patter of "little feet," which was you.
At any rate, as always, your poetry is fascinating and (to me) mysterious.
Do you know what kind of marble (is it marble?) your father's sculpture is made of?
(pardon prep at end of sentence) It is really good.
Katharine - pome lover
Comment Written 10-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2017
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Thank you, Katharine, for your compassionate review. In her unpublished essay, my mother spoke of her surviving children giving her a reason to live and recover. Otherwise, she feared loosing custody if she was committed to a state mental hospital.
Even after recovery, she likely channeled her anxieties into writing the "Woe Is Me!" during or after her pregnancy with me. Following in her footsteps, I channel my emotions into poetry.
Thank you for your review. My father's sculpture is made of clay. He lacked money for glazes, so he used shoe polish.
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well, I'll be. It looks terrific.
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My father would have been pleased. Thanks.
Comment from Leena
This is such a moving poem. The pain and anguish your mother must have gone through is understandable. You have penned it down with such empathy; your writing is admirable. God bless.
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2017
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This is such a moving poem. The pain and anguish your mother must have gone through is understandable. You have penned it down with such empathy; your writing is admirable. God bless.
Comment Written 10-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2017
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Oh, thank you, Leena, for your review of my empathetic poem. I appreciate it.
Comment from Sanku
Miscarriages are hard to come to terms with.Especially when there is apparently no reason for it to happen.
It is a touching poem very clearly bringig out the tragedy and how it has affected the person.i liked the line 'entrapped within a psychiatric moat' .It hits hard.
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2017
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Miscarriages are hard to come to terms with.Especially when there is apparently no reason for it to happen.
It is a touching poem very clearly bringig out the tragedy and how it has affected the person.i liked the line 'entrapped within a psychiatric moat' .It hits hard.
Comment Written 10-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2017
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Thank you, Sanku, for your touching review of my poem. My mother's descent into insanity and a miscarriage began when her husband walked out on her, two sons, and a baby on the way who was not to be. She was committed to a psych ward where she received counseling and medication allowing her to resume custody of her sons. Describing being trapped between insanity and sanity, she wrote an essay about her experiences which was never published. Five years later when she was pregnant with me her old fears resurfaced which she channeled into her "Woe is Me!" poem to accompany my father's sculpture.
Thanks again for your thoughtful and compassionate review.
Comment from Kerry Foley Robinson
this is a very profound write, my friend, Andre. I am sorry of the suffering your Mom has been through. The line "from womb to womb, a changeling bound to earth" is very penetrating to the soul. It is something to wonder and ponder. Very touching, though, distraught. ~Kerry
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2017
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this is a very profound write, my friend, Andre. I am sorry of the suffering your Mom has been through. The line "from womb to womb, a changeling bound to earth" is very penetrating to the soul. It is something to wonder and ponder. Very touching, though, distraught. ~Kerry
Comment Written 10-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2017
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Yes, Kerry, when my mother wrote in her poem
"Forgive me . . ./forgive me if I feel no sin,/but if you're lost,/you'll come again . . .If not here,/some other place."
Thank opened up my rhetorical question, "Well, Mom, since you had a miscarriage five years before I was born, am I the soul of the child you lost?" This question led to my changeling metaphor.
Thanks.
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Wow, and you have every good logical reason to come up with this changeling metaphor. It is really quite a pill to swallow, I suppose. A bizarre thought process must have been induced by these thoughts, I can only imagine. But, than again your Mom was a writer, It could very well have been embellished on deep seeded thoughts. Well, Andre, you made a great write of it. ~Kerry
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Thank you, Kerry, I appreciate the compliment. My mother would have been pleased.
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Your very welcome, Andre:)
Comment from dmt1967
This poem hits me deeply as I have had a miscarriage and can understand this poem more than I would like. The poem portrays the feeling of loosing a child very well. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2017
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This poem hits me deeply as I have had a miscarriage and can understand this poem more than I would like. The poem portrays the feeling of loosing a child very well. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 10-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2017
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Yes, dmt1967, many women have come forward to share their experiences with miscarriages. I am proud that my mother wrote about her experience and that I shared it with my poem. Often, families do not discuss it. Thank you for your review.
Comment from Mustang Patty
Such a moving work! You've told the tale of a mother's lament. I wonder if the stories and poems were about you - or was there another baby? I hurt for all of you, but especially you as you will not get an answer to your questions until you meet your mother again,
~patty~
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2017
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Such a moving work! You've told the tale of a mother's lament. I wonder if the stories and poems were about you - or was there another baby? I hurt for all of you, but especially you as you will not get an answer to your questions until you meet your mother again,
~patty~
Comment Written 10-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2017
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Knowing my parents, Patty, their children inspired their sculpture and poetry. Given that I was to be my father's first child and my mother's first child since her miscarriage, their anxieties rose high and crystallized around their "Woe is Me!" sculpture and poem. No, the dead baby is not me, but he represented my parent's worst nightmares. Fortunately, I was born healthy.
Thank you for your generous, six star review and kind thoughts.
Comment from honeytree
Very interesting art
work for these words
To be born into life
is a gift and a chance
to learn to love and help
within our world.
The journey we have has been
given to us by God and parents
How privileged we are.
Honeytree
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2017
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Very interesting art
work for these words
To be born into life
is a gift and a chance
to learn to love and help
within our world.
The journey we have has been
given to us by God and parents
How privileged we are.
Honeytree
Comment Written 10-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2017
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Yes, Honeytree, God and our parents gave us the gift of life so we can journey through it. Thank you for your generous and compassionate six star review. I appreciate it.
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That's fine
Annie
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That's fine
Annie
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That's fine.
Annie
Comment from hari anand
Your story of birth and what your mother wrote years ago shows what life's circle's all about...we die to be born again. That how it's supposed to be. You have crafted a touching tale.
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2017
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Your story of birth and what your mother wrote years ago shows what life's circle's all about...we die to be born again. That how it's supposed to be. You have crafted a touching tale.
Comment Written 10-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2017
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Oh, thank you, hargunanand, for your review of my touching tale. Since my mother addressed her unborn child in her poem, it gave me, as the child who survived, an opportunity to ask a question of my own, and bring this theme full circle. Thanks again.
