Reviews from

Haiku Club Challenges, Book II

Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "Haiku (on their bed at dawn)"
an anthology of haiku written by fanstory poets

28 total reviews 
Comment from Mark Schardine
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

This rude awakening may be the last moment of the victim's life. The betrayal lulled the victim into defenseless sleep, and the end comes quickly.

 Comment Written 02-Jul-2017

reply by the author on 02-Jul-2017
    thank you very much for the nice review, my friend :) Have a great day!
    gypsy
Comment from l.raven
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

HI Gypsy, you are so very right...betrayals of the ones we love are a true horror...
if you find you don't care for someone...tell them and leave...for some...love is never felt...sigh...very well written sweet girl...Queen of Haiku...love you Linda xxoo

 Comment Written 02-Jul-2017

reply by the author on 02-Jul-2017
    thank you very much for the nice review, my dear friend :) Have a great day! luv ya!
    gypsy
reply by l.raven on 02-Jul-2017
    you are soooo welcome my sweet friend...and you have a wonderful holiday...xxoo love
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Absolutely, I couldn't agree more. A hand around your throat at dawn when you have been asleep, I couldn't think of anything worse. Great imagery in this one I thought, Gypsy. Giddy

 Comment Written 29-Jun-2017

reply by the author on 01-Jul-2017
    Thank you for the review and kind words sweetie pie.
Comment from Joan E.
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

A most "rude awakening" and betrayal is certainly portrayed in this story told in a short 5-7-5. The dark picture reinforces your theme. Chills- Joan

 Comment Written 29-Jun-2017

reply by the author on 01-Jul-2017
    Thank you for the review and kind words sweetie pie.
Comment from marybell1
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

I enjoyed reading your haiku "On Their Bed At Dawn". You kept to the 5-7-5 rules which I like to read and you chose a nice scary photo for your haiku.
Best of luck.
Marybell1.

 Comment Written 29-Jun-2017

reply by the author on 29-Jun-2017
    I only a route 5/7/5 when it happens naturally. I didn't plan ity that way. That ruble only applies to Japanese haiku. In English the rule is 17 syllables or less. But I understand why people like it better..

    Thank you for the review. :)
    Gypsy
reply by marybell1 on 30-Jun-2017
    You are most welcome
    Marybell1.
Comment from JanPerry
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Yes, it is probably more than a rude awakening at any time of the night!
You have gone to the dark side (horror) in this but it is not scary.
Perhaps lose the dash as each line makes sense alone.
Thanks.

 Comment Written 28-Jun-2017

reply by the author on 29-Jun-2017
    In haiku, to be cutting dash or kireji is very Important. It's a pause before the satori.

    Thank you
Comment from BOO ghost
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Has a spooky title. Oh, jeepers creepers! Bad way to wake up. Kigo is winter. okie dokie. Old man winter has a cold grip around her neck? Good metaphor. Took BOO a wee while to get it, BOO is cow-licked, forgive him. Oops, fresh out of nuggets. Count your doubloon. BOO-riffic!

 Comment Written 28-Jun-2017

reply by the author on 29-Jun-2017
    Thank you for the review. Boo :)
    Gypsy hugs
Comment from Mustang Patty
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Hi Gypsy; oh, how this poem struck me in the heart. I can only imagine the horror of waking up with some one's grip on my neck. I think I would die of fright.

As always, you have used the syllables to their fullest and presented the poem with a good photo to emphasize the words. Well done,

~patty~

 Comment Written 28-Jun-2017

reply by the author on 28-Jun-2017
    Thank you for the review and kind words sweetie pie.
    Gypsy
Comment from Rasmine
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Good haiku, it reminds me of horror movies where the person turns out to be a psycho killer/stalker.

I like your satori. 'Rude awakening.' to being strangled.

Have a good weekend. :)

 Comment Written 28-Jun-2017

reply by the author on 28-Jun-2017
    Thank you for the review and kind words sweetie pie.
    Gypsy
Comment from Gert sherwood
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Hello Gypsy
Yes, you have death with its cold grip being a rude and horrible awakening
to realize there will be no more dawns to wake up to

Very good
Gert

 Comment Written 28-Jun-2017

reply by the author on 28-Jun-2017
    Thank you for the review and kind words sweetie pie.
    Gypsy hugs
reply by Gert sherwood on 28-Jun-2017
    You are welcome Gyps

    Gert