Comment from tfawcus

Excellent

The brevity of the last line of a Cinquain gives it added stress and you have made full use of that in the construction of yours. The feeling of emptiness is strongly emphasised.

 Comment Written 28-Jun-2017

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reply by the author on 28-Jun-2017

thank you so much for this thoughtful review. I wrote this while I was in a depression and it actually helped me to pull myself up.

~patty~

Comment from Ulla

Excellent

Hi Patty, this is a very sad poem and to me it sounds as if she/he is sinking into a deep depression. Very dark indeed. It must be terrible. Fortunately never suffered any of its kind in my lifetime. Very well written. All the best. Ulla:)))

 Comment Written 28-Jun-2017

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reply by the author on 28-Jun-2017

thank you for your review,

~patty~

Comment from estory

Excellent

Nice job using all those repeating 'ing' sounds to create that spiraling effect. I liked the dramatic break setting up the last line, nothing. it leaves you alone in the dark, hanging in the air, waiting for a rescue. estory

 Comment Written 28-Jun-2017

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reply by the author on 28-Jun-2017

thank you so much for the lovely review of this piece.

~patty~

Comment from bhogg

Excellent

Hi Patty - a strong post to your contest. A tough format that didn't seem to slow you down. Can't say that the message would warm my day! You're being busy. I see you have two posts on the story side. I'll circle around to them. Bill

 Comment Written 28-Jun-2017

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reply by the author on 28-Jun-2017

Hi Bill; thank you so much for the warm and thoughtful review. I have been busy - I hope you enjoy the stories,

~patty~

reply by bhogg on 28-Jun-2017

I know I write in bursts. I'm writing a novella and in the last two weeks, have written two new chapters, an essay for FS and a flash fiction for submital to another site. Now I'll go a couple of weeks with nothing!

Comment from Margaret Snowdon

Excellent

Darkness
Surrounding me
Spiraling to the depths
Pulling me way down till there is
Nothing

a clever use of words in this short piece, Patty - I rather like the Cinquain.

A clever piece of artword also -- appears like a lot of scribble and yet has a face -

Margaret

 Comment Written 28-Jun-2017

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reply by the author on 28-Jun-2017

Hi Margaret; thank you so much for the lovely review of this poem. I was in a depression when I wrote this so my goal was to express the emotions, and the structure of the format kept me on point.

Your words of encouragement mean a great deal to me,

~patty~

Comment from Thatguypk

Excellent

How very dark and depressing! This would strike me as a good opening line for "Alice in Sombreland". I'm guessing, from your profile details, that this perhaps was a state of mind relating to your younger days, and I'm delighted that you seem to be a happier person now. However bleak the verse, it certainly presents a message forcefully.

 Comment Written 28-Jun-2017

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reply by the author on 28-Jun-2017

thank you so much for your thoughtful review,

~patty~

Comment from Mitchell Brontė

Excellent

Patty,
This cinquain was such a dark read. It flowed very nicely. The emotionals reflections are insightful and are perfect for the chosen subject.
It is perfectly written and completely error free.

Mitchell.

 Comment Written 28-Jun-2017

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reply by the author on 28-Jun-2017

Hi Mitchell; thank you so much for the lovely review of this poem. I wrote this piece from the depths of a depression, and I had hoped I was able to convey the emotions - it looks like I did,

~patty~

Comment from William Ross

Excellent

Excellent job on the cinquain on falling into a depression, down this deep dark hole to nothingness. nicely done, congrats an the all time best, have a wonderful day

 Comment Written 28-Jun-2017

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reply by the author on 28-Jun-2017

Hi; thank you so much for the lovely review. I appreciate the kind words of encouragement,

~patty~

Comment from giraffmang

Excellent

Hi Patty,

I liked this piece and think you've done a great job with this format. many concentrate so much on syllable count and forget to actually write the poem! lol Not the case here. Continuous thought and theme, makes sense, sad as it is...

All the best
G

 Comment Written 28-Jun-2017

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reply by the author on 28-Jun-2017

Hi G; thank you so much for the wonderful review of this piece. I wrote this while in a depression, and I hoped I could convey the emotions - the syllable count merely gave me the structure needed.

I appreciate your kind words of encouragement,

~patty~

Comment from Hitcher

Excellent

I'm a big fan of the Cinquain form of poetry friend, they can be tricky little suckers to pull off but you have nailed it here and offered up something quite special. Very nicely done friend : )

 Comment Written 28-Jun-2017

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reply by the author on 28-Jun-2017

Hi there; thank you so much for the wonderful review of this piece. It was written while I was in a depression, and my main goal was to portray the emotions - the poetic form merely gave me a structure for the words,

~patty~