Comment from Fridayauthor

Excellent

I like this poem and the dark image it presents with somber words. The art-image you used is also intriguing.

I found myself trying out the second line...surrounding me,without the pronoun "it."

Very good and enjoyable posting.

Thank you!

 Comment Written 26-Jun-2017

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reply by the author on 26-Jun-2017

Hi there; thank you so much for reading. I made your suggested edit - it did work better that way. I'm glad you enjoyed the poem,

~patty~

reply by Fridayauthor on 26-Jun-2017

I'm always nervous about messing with someone's words, but this sort of jumped out at me.

Thanks!

Comment from dovemarie

Excellent

Dear patty, Excellent cinquain. Good picture of black spirals, your black background pulled me down into the depths with you. I think I may write a cinquain, I believe I wrote one called "Bridges" earlier in my portfolio, sometime in 2011. Maybe you can go in and take a look. I'm going to try to find it too. Dove

 Comment Written 26-Jun-2017

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reply by the author on 26-Jun-2017

Hi Dove; thank you so much for the lovely review of this poem. I am indeed down right now, and so I thought I would try to express my mood,

~patty~

Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)

Excellent

Yep, been there and that is how it happens and gives the feeling I call 'nothingness'. Very well written cinquain, my friend. This is a form I don't really write. Hats off to you for doing so, my friend~Debbie

 Comment Written 26-Jun-2017

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reply by the author on 26-Jun-2017

Hi Debbie; thank you for your kind words - as you can tell by the poem, I'm having a rough go of it. Hopefully, it won't last too long,
~patty~

reply by dejohnsrld (Debbie) on 26-Jun-2017

I hope not. Keep in touch, my friend. You can PM me anytime~Debbie

reply by the author on 26-Jun-2017

thank you so much

Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca

Excellent

Perfect description and excellent cinquain. I dearly love your forms and words you use in descriptions of problems and the feelings that come with them. "spiraling to the depths"...oh yes

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 Comment Written 26-Jun-2017

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reply by the author on 26-Jun-2017

Hi Barb; thank you for your kind words - as you can tell by the poem, I'm having a rough go of it. Hopefully, it won't last too long,
~patty~