Unwanted Dog
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Shell Game"A short autobiography
17 total reviews
Comment from Spitfire
I just discovered you were doing your bio and skimmed through the first three chapters. This is the best yet with great examples of your rebellious spirit. I kept thinking the king planned to molest the chosen boys. Blonde and blue eyes-shade of Hitler. Clever you with the Pepsi drink. Enough sugar to keep you going for a while.
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2017
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I just discovered you were doing your bio and skimmed through the first three chapters. This is the best yet with great examples of your rebellious spirit. I kept thinking the king planned to molest the chosen boys. Blonde and blue eyes-shade of Hitler. Clever you with the Pepsi drink. Enough sugar to keep you going for a while.
Comment Written 29-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2017
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Glad you are enjoying my autobiography.
Appreciate you taking the time to read the chapters and to write a review.
Much more to come so I invite you to ride along.
Comment from bookishfabler
After King Tubbo departed my room on the day he informed me I was required to attend his annual Summer Solstice Ball, (To be honest, I thought this guy was possibly a pervert asking you to get dressed and showered.
I'm glad it was just a social function. I'm also glad you met your dad.
hugs Heidi
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2017
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After King Tubbo departed my room on the day he informed me I was required to attend his annual Summer Solstice Ball, (To be honest, I thought this guy was possibly a pervert asking you to get dressed and showered.
I'm glad it was just a social function. I'm also glad you met your dad.
hugs Heidi
Comment Written 27-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2017
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It was no social function in the sense you believe it may have been.
King Tubbo was a pervert and your first inclination was correct.
Glad you enjoyed this portion of my autobiography.
More to come so stay tuned.
Comment from MizKat
Hi Brett,
This was very interesting to read too. I really enjoyed learning more about you. The picture is very nice too even though it isn't really you.
Kat
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2017
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Hi Brett,
This was very interesting to read too. I really enjoyed learning more about you. The picture is very nice too even though it isn't really you.
Kat
Comment Written 27-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2017
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of my autobiography.
Much more to come so I invite you to ride along.
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Hi Brett,
I'll be looking for the next thing you write.
Kat
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I will continue to read whatever you write. Kat
Comment from emptypage
This is really interesting. The young boy to whom taking a Pepsi from a cooler is an easy, practiced thing, acknowledging in older years that he had no qualms--why should he? He was no believer. Very interesting journey. I want to know more. Always good to leave your readers wanting more.
I also want a Pepsi. And I prefer Coke.
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2017
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This is really interesting. The young boy to whom taking a Pepsi from a cooler is an easy, practiced thing, acknowledging in older years that he had no qualms--why should he? He was no believer. Very interesting journey. I want to know more. Always good to leave your readers wanting more.
I also want a Pepsi. And I prefer Coke.
Comment Written 26-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2017
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At that point in my life, I really did not have any qualms about fingering that Pepsi.
Today, I would do no such thing, and if my 10-year-old son did and I found out about it ... well, all I say is God help him!
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Brett,
I am intrigued as what will happen next. You did a great job presenting this part of your book. I really like the lines about you being like a ghost & blowing out of the store after having the Pepsi. Yes, I remember the metal pop tops. Thanks for sharing. Your story is definitely interesting & kept me engaged from start to finish of this part. Jan
I watched her retrieve an [ a food stamp ] Food Stamps from her purse. . . . to consume its contents.
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2017
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Brett,
I am intrigued as what will happen next. You did a great job presenting this part of your book. I really like the lines about you being like a ghost & blowing out of the store after having the Pepsi. Yes, I remember the metal pop tops. Thanks for sharing. Your story is definitely interesting & kept me engaged from start to finish of this part. Jan
I watched her retrieve an [ a food stamp ] Food Stamps from her purse. . . . to consume its contents.
Comment Written 26-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2017
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of my autobiography.
There is more to come, so stay tuned.
Comment from BOO ghost
Nonchalantly. BOO always spells this word wrong and a word seldom spoken. This seems the trend. They were reading Batman comic books and wrapped up in Gotham City. King Tubbo. That is his nickname?
Sorry about your sweet mother. Nice flow in story,saw no spag to really be too concerned about. Enjoyed it and I love factual stories. BOO-riffic!
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2017
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Nonchalantly. BOO always spells this word wrong and a word seldom spoken. This seems the trend. They were reading Batman comic books and wrapped up in Gotham City. King Tubbo. That is his nickname?
Sorry about your sweet mother. Nice flow in story,saw no spag to really be too concerned about. Enjoyed it and I love factual stories. BOO-riffic!
Comment Written 26-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2017
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King Tubbo was the nickname us boys at Hermitage Hall pinned on Gail McClellan, the Superintendent of the place.
Glad you are enjoying my autobiography.
More to come so stay tuned.
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Awesome bro!
Comment from BeasPeas
I enjoyed reading this chapter of your story. Young kids in your situation grow up fast, the survival instinct kicks in. You evaluated right and wrong carefully--that is--chose not to key the cars, but did decide it was OK to cop a Pepsi and drink it in the bathroom. Your writing is clear and interesting as the reader followed along. Marilyn
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2017
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I enjoyed reading this chapter of your story. Young kids in your situation grow up fast, the survival instinct kicks in. You evaluated right and wrong carefully--that is--chose not to key the cars, but did decide it was OK to cop a Pepsi and drink it in the bathroom. Your writing is clear and interesting as the reader followed along. Marilyn
Comment Written 26-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2017
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Back then, I had no qualms about that Pepsi.
I also REALY wanted to key those cars, but kind of thought I would be found and returned to Hermitage Hall.
Therefore, that was music I did not want to have to face because the security cameras would have seen me keying them.
Comment from Ricky1024
I read an earlier one wondering if this was fictional which I still do.
Read smooth as the can of Pepsi going down on a hot Summered Night!
Kind Tubbo?
Is that a made up name for a real person?
I guess the next chapter involves you on the Lam?
Any Who next time in that sore grab a Tasty Cake too!
{I would1}
Ricky1024
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2017
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I read an earlier one wondering if this was fictional which I still do.
Read smooth as the can of Pepsi going down on a hot Summered Night!
Kind Tubbo?
Is that a made up name for a real person?
I guess the next chapter involves you on the Lam?
Any Who next time in that sore grab a Tasty Cake too!
{I would1}
Ricky1024
Comment Written 26-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2017
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No, Ricky, this is not fictional. It really did happen as I am telling it.
King Tubbo was the nickname us boys at Hermitage Hall pinned on Gail McClellan, the Superintendent.
Glad you are enjoying my autobiography.
More to come so I invite you to stay tuned.
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Crazy stuff but my life wasn't any better. three nervous break downs and...
To know me is to read my latest post..
"The Twilight Zone!"
Dr. Richard Edward Smrkovsky
{Ricky1024.}
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Just reviewed your aforementioned posting, and could not agree more. The stranger people look and act the better they seem to fit in. Life is not meant to be a bowl of cherries, however, as they say, no matter what may be your lot in life build something on it. That is what I did all the way from Hermitage Hall to a profitable Freelance Writing career that has now spanned more than 25 years.
Kudos to you Brett and I bet you had that bug a lot earlier.
Ricky1024.
I'm only a teen!
Comment from JDRBAR
This promises to be a very interesting story. There are several minor nits but my miserable mouse won't let me copy/paste for some reason. I'm sure with a careful reading, you'll spot them. Sorry.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2017
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This promises to be a very interesting story. There are several minor nits but my miserable mouse won't let me copy/paste for some reason. I'm sure with a careful reading, you'll spot them. Sorry.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 26-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2017
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If you are finding nits, no one else is.
Appreciate you taking the time to read and write a review.
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I can't control how others review. As a favor to you, I went back to mark a few of the nits once my mouse stopped acting up.
ESPECIALLY me, were permitted to leave the premises
(the subject is a collective singular requiring a singular verb)
After King Tubbo departed my room on the day he informed me I was required to attend his annual Summer Solstice Ball, I loudly slammed the door shut.
(this is a run on sentence and quite awkward. I would suggest making shorter sentences out of it, or rephrasing it)
It felt like a mile and half from
(mile and a half)
to key everyone of them as
(space needed between every and one)
These are minor nits, but nits none-the-less.
These were in the first couple of paragraphs. I stopped marking at that point. There were more.
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Thank you for clarifying that. Much appreciated.
Comment from nancy_e_davis
Children should not be treated that way. They should be loved and nurtured. I'm glad you are telling your story, it could in some way snowball into help for even one little boy or girl.
Good job Brett or was it Brat? LOL Nancy
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2017
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Children should not be treated that way. They should be loved and nurtured. I'm glad you are telling your story, it could in some way snowball into help for even one little boy or girl.
Good job Brett or was it Brat? LOL Nancy
Comment Written 26-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2017
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Glad you are enjoying my autobiography.
As I said in Chapter 1, until I started writing this here on FsnStory, I never once throughout my 25 year long now Freelance Writing career ever brought this up.
Perhaps, as you stated it may help someone else.
More to come so I invite you to follow along.
