From out of the Grayness
Viewing comments for Chapter 54 "Pinball life"Reaching from the gray areas to understand life
27 total reviews
Comment from Cybertron1986
I loved this. Uniquely voiced and touched with a genuine and concerning expression of one's shared journey in life.
I loved the list of metaphors. I laughed out loud at the end when you wrote, "My God....What's happening?"
Pieces like this which connect readers throughout all walks of life, and to do it so humor, philosophy, and creativity is everything what writing should be. Awesome!
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2017
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I loved this. Uniquely voiced and touched with a genuine and concerning expression of one's shared journey in life.
I loved the list of metaphors. I laughed out loud at the end when you wrote, "My God....What's happening?"
Pieces like this which connect readers throughout all walks of life, and to do it so humor, philosophy, and creativity is everything what writing should be. Awesome!
Comment Written 06-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2017
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Wow Cybertron: thanks so much for this great review and stars and I'm glad to meet you....and hope to see you often. I shall come around and visit you as well! Best wishes: HIS GRAYNESS; Vance
Comment from prettybluebirds
Excellent. this is a most interesting story, and quite unique. I haven't read much of your writing lately and wondered if you were still here. I wish you the best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2017
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Excellent. this is a most interesting story, and quite unique. I haven't read much of your writing lately and wondered if you were still here. I wish you the best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 06-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2017
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Thanks so much prettybluebirds, for this lovely review and stars! It is a pleasure to hear from you and I hope to see you often. I will come visit your works as well. HIS GRAYNESS; Vance
Comment from Thal1959
This is really very well done, although I think I would have preferred the first portion written as prose, rather than stacked vertically with each line starting with a capital letter - especially if the first word of a line is in the middle of a sentence started earlier. But the explanation of the pinball machine metaphor for life is fabulous - never would have thought of it. Good job.
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2017
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This is really very well done, although I think I would have preferred the first portion written as prose, rather than stacked vertically with each line starting with a capital letter - especially if the first word of a line is in the middle of a sentence started earlier. But the explanation of the pinball machine metaphor for life is fabulous - never would have thought of it. Good job.
Comment Written 06-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2017
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Thanks so much Thal1959, for this great review and stars. I appreciate your helpful comments and hope to see you again soon! I shall come around and visit your works as well. HIS GRAYNESS; Vance
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You're always welcome, Vance.
Comment from smbau
I like the metaphor of pinball to life. Appears like the poet wrote two poems in one namely the Pinball and The man I might have been. He links the two poem with:
"Let's go home and write some poetry!
Starting right here: "
I failed to see the connection between the first and the second poem, as the mood changed from fanfare happy to mature adult reflective. The last two sentences gives it a melancholy mood.
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2017
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I like the metaphor of pinball to life. Appears like the poet wrote two poems in one namely the Pinball and The man I might have been. He links the two poem with:
"Let's go home and write some poetry!
Starting right here: "
I failed to see the connection between the first and the second poem, as the mood changed from fanfare happy to mature adult reflective. The last two sentences gives it a melancholy mood.
Comment Written 01-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2017
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Hi smbau...nice to you and thanks for the kind review. This work was actually a contest entry that asked for an uncommon delivery of the story of your life so that's why it's got two dimensions. Contest still hangin' but thanks for your perspectives and don't be a stranger! HIS GRAYNESS: Vance
Comment from Oatmeal
His Grayness,
You did a wonderful job with the challenge that was presented to you. Your arrangement here is very creative. Well chosen words are excellent. The theme is strong. Your feelings are expressed well. Your formatting is wonderful.
There was no SPAG, no typos, no room for improvement.
I look forward to seeing you again.
Love you,
Oatmeal
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2017
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His Grayness,
You did a wonderful job with the challenge that was presented to you. Your arrangement here is very creative. Well chosen words are excellent. The theme is strong. Your feelings are expressed well. Your formatting is wonderful.
There was no SPAG, no typos, no room for improvement.
I look forward to seeing you again.
Love you,
Oatmeal
Comment Written 01-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2017
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Wow Oatmeal! Great review and delighted to meet you! Thanks so much for the generous stars and I hope to see you often. I shall come around and visit your works as well. Blessings! HIS GRAYNESS; Vance
Comment from BOO ghost
Love the tittle, mate. Penny Arcade. yeah, that had to be a long time ago. I recall the Arcades when they first came out. Used to be big. Was the poem dedicated to somebody? Flowed nicely, pretty good poem. Oh, what was the tilt? you left that one out, mate. Glad to see you again and good luck with rest of your life and spiritual blessings. BOO!
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2017
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Love the tittle, mate. Penny Arcade. yeah, that had to be a long time ago. I recall the Arcades when they first came out. Used to be big. Was the poem dedicated to somebody? Flowed nicely, pretty good poem. Oh, what was the tilt? you left that one out, mate. Glad to see you again and good luck with rest of your life and spiritual blessings. BOO!
Comment Written 28-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2017
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Hey BOO!! My thanks to YOU! FOR YOUR DANDY REVIEW! That Boo Handle is perfection for a poetry site! Shucks, you can make so many things rhyme with boo ... it's overwhelming! But that said, many thanks again for the review and the good stuff you always write. Looking forward to your next ! All the best. Vance
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Yep, mate, I got a chapter cooking but you know cent pumps don't come easy. BOO --COO COO, yep, is a flexible word that can mimicked as rhymes. i forget where you live, been so long; have a wonderful day and have fun! Blessings, BOO!
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Hey BOO...I never worried about the tilts..I was way to small to move the machines...and made damn serious advantage of it!! Can't do that anymore though... just fun! Vance
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Hahaha, well, happy holidays! BOO!
Comment from Kerry Foley Robinson
This is a wonderful story of your life, my new friend:))
So you were the pinball wizard as a kid, huh? I can very much relate to this story. I spent me every day straight from school at the arcade playing pinball used my entire allowance every week, into quarters for my joy of pinball, lol.
You had followed your story into a terrific poem, I loved the style as well as the words. :))
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2017
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This is a wonderful story of your life, my new friend:))
So you were the pinball wizard as a kid, huh? I can very much relate to this story. I spent me every day straight from school at the arcade playing pinball used my entire allowance every week, into quarters for my joy of pinball, lol.
You had followed your story into a terrific poem, I loved the style as well as the words. :))
Comment Written 28-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2017
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Thank you IMMENSELY, Kerry, for this truly delightful review! Indeed, I did have a pinball kinda life as a kid living in an amusement park, but the experience led me to many rare and uncommon circumstances, and enormous variety of new friends, which I shall always cherish.
Really great to hear from you and always lovin' your works, so keepum commin!! Thanks Vance
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Your very welcome:))
Comment from kiwigirl2821
I don't know what to say about this constructively so I'll give you my impressions. The pinball section felt light and fresh, new or innocence still intact. Then the ah-ha moment moves the reader into a woulda, coulda, shoulda portion of life and maybe a few regrets but, naw life has been good and solid. The last portion feels of loss and of resignation. take care
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2017
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I don't know what to say about this constructively so I'll give you my impressions. The pinball section felt light and fresh, new or innocence still intact. Then the ah-ha moment moves the reader into a woulda, coulda, shoulda portion of life and maybe a few regrets but, naw life has been good and solid. The last portion feels of loss and of resignation. take care
Comment Written 27-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2017
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Thanks so much Kiwigirl: for this profound review with deep consideration! it is much appreciated! I shall give this some deep thought...as YOU obviously have! Thanks again Vance
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This speaks the vision for life, state, status, plan and application of language and continuing struggle for survival in an amusement park is depicted well; I liked.
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2017
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This speaks the vision for life, state, status, plan and application of language and continuing struggle for survival in an amusement park is depicted well; I liked.
Comment Written 27-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2017
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Thank you so much for this lovely and generous review! It is sincerely appreciated! HIS GRAYNESS: VanceT
Comment from Charmisa Parker
Wow, I would never think to compare life to a pinball machine. The way everything is structured and how the words describe the true meanings of life, is something else. What a wise, intelligent, and an insightful mind you have. Five stars! Though I wish I would rate it six.
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2017
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Wow, I would never think to compare life to a pinball machine. The way everything is structured and how the words describe the true meanings of life, is something else. What a wise, intelligent, and an insightful mind you have. Five stars! Though I wish I would rate it six.
Comment Written 27-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2017
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Thank you so much Charmisa~ wonderful to hear from you and thanks for the helpful review and kind stars! HIS GRAYNESS: Vance
