The Song
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "Princess Yasmin"An orphaned boy finds his destiny
3 total reviews
Comment from Adri7enne
Always lots of tension in your writing. I love that the Chancellor is unable to force his will directly upon the princess but he manages to manipulate her by playing with the people she loves. Almost like a game of chess. Beautifully written with lots of imagination. Really enjoying it.
reply by the author on 23-May-2019
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Always lots of tension in your writing. I love that the Chancellor is unable to force his will directly upon the princess but he manages to manipulate her by playing with the people she loves. Almost like a game of chess. Beautifully written with lots of imagination. Really enjoying it.
Comment Written 21-May-2019
reply by the author on 23-May-2019
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Yes, I think the Chancellor is going to be a politician. Than ks for reading
Comment from Tod Moran
As always is ti hard, and perhaps unfair, to judge a small part of a much longer work. I know I am often frustrated by reviews of my work when some issue is raised that was clearly explained pages ago. But, of course, the reviewer didn't have an opportunity to read those.
This chapter is confusing. I'm not sure exactly what the Princess is being asked to do, and have no idea why she so adamant about not doing it. I would think she, and the entire court, would be more concerned about the dragons.
I also find it curious that almost all the stories in this genre are in a medieval setting. Following Tolkien?
And why the warning about language? More confusion.
Still, the writing is clear, the scene is set, the dialogue works (with the above noted). I get the impression the whole novel is a good piece.
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2017
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As always is ti hard, and perhaps unfair, to judge a small part of a much longer work. I know I am often frustrated by reviews of my work when some issue is raised that was clearly explained pages ago. But, of course, the reviewer didn't have an opportunity to read those.
This chapter is confusing. I'm not sure exactly what the Princess is being asked to do, and have no idea why she so adamant about not doing it. I would think she, and the entire court, would be more concerned about the dragons.
I also find it curious that almost all the stories in this genre are in a medieval setting. Following Tolkien?
And why the warning about language? More confusion.
Still, the writing is clear, the scene is set, the dialogue works (with the above noted). I get the impression the whole novel is a good piece.
Comment Written 17-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2017
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Thanks. Language is difficult. I get criticism for not warning for 'damn'. There was a bastard or two in the text.
Thanks for the review
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
"Your Highness understands I would take no pleasure from it. Time is pressing, Your Highness." He stood and indicated the door. "At your pleasure."
Yasmin strode towards the door, shouldering the guard aside as she did so. As she reached the chancellor she paused. "You won't be chancellor forever, you know. One day you'll need a friend. I hope to all the gods you'll need help from me."
"Your Highness is gracious as ever," said the chancellor, bowing. '
A wonderfully whimsical and interesting piece, I think this is fantastic and loved your characters and the subtle humour and hope to read more of this well done kind regards Meia x
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2017
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"Your Highness understands I would take no pleasure from it. Time is pressing, Your Highness." He stood and indicated the door. "At your pleasure."
Yasmin strode towards the door, shouldering the guard aside as she did so. As she reached the chancellor she paused. "You won't be chancellor forever, you know. One day you'll need a friend. I hope to all the gods you'll need help from me."
"Your Highness is gracious as ever," said the chancellor, bowing. '
A wonderfully whimsical and interesting piece, I think this is fantastic and loved your characters and the subtle humour and hope to read more of this well done kind regards Meia x
Comment Written 17-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2017
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You're very kind thanks
