Piece by Piece
Things are seldom as they seem.48 total reviews
Comment from kiwigirl2821
Hello Ric. Your tale is pretty awesome and loved the last twist too. What I can offer is this. The main reason that I kept reading was that you made it so easy to do. You start with a personable deejay to introduce and conclude your story. It made the whole tale more "Twilight Zone" or "Tales of the Crypt", again relate-able. Your paragraphs were organized and enough white space to relax the reader's eye while reading. You took the time with presentation of your words and story. I found it gory and excellent. Good luck with your contest. xoxo Kiwi
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2017
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Hello Ric. Your tale is pretty awesome and loved the last twist too. What I can offer is this. The main reason that I kept reading was that you made it so easy to do. You start with a personable deejay to introduce and conclude your story. It made the whole tale more "Twilight Zone" or "Tales of the Crypt", again relate-able. Your paragraphs were organized and enough white space to relax the reader's eye while reading. You took the time with presentation of your words and story. I found it gory and excellent. Good luck with your contest. xoxo Kiwi
Comment Written 17-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2017
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Thank you so much, Kiwigirl2821, for taking time to read my humor... uh, I mean, horror story. This is such a wonderful and encouraging review, as everything you praised, were particulars I was concerned with creating. Your kind words, comments, and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)
Comment from Curly Girly
Oh, what a horrid tale. This is just perfect for the HORROR contest entry. Perhaps what separates this from some of the others is that it seems plausible and possible. Drugs, alcohol and sex can combine to make a poisonous cocktail indeed.
Best wishes in the contest.
Nicole
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2017
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Oh, what a horrid tale. This is just perfect for the HORROR contest entry. Perhaps what separates this from some of the others is that it seems plausible and possible. Drugs, alcohol and sex can combine to make a poisonous cocktail indeed.
Best wishes in the contest.
Nicole
Comment Written 16-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2017
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Thank you so much, Nicole, for taking time to read my humor... uh, I mean, horror story. As we all know, there is always a certain amount of truth in fiction, and I'm sorry to say, this one is no different. Of course, I won't share were the idea came from because it would haunt your mind forever. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)
Comment from Mabaker
I hope you win the contest. I mean there must be someone who likes so much gore. I'm for the gentler arts myself an icepick to the jugular is my first choice, but hell each to his own. Regards Mabacker
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2017
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I hope you win the contest. I mean there must be someone who likes so much gore. I'm for the gentler arts myself an icepick to the jugular is my first choice, but hell each to his own. Regards Mabacker
Comment Written 16-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2017
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Thank you so much, Mabaker, for taking time to read my humor... uh, I mean, horror story. I'm not really a blood and guts guy, that is unless I run out of Play-Doh. Someone said I only got a couple votes in the contest, and with such stiff competition, I'm not that surprised. But in truth, I thought it fit the contest perfectly. Of course, that's what I get for thinking. LOL! Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)
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I don't hold much faith in contests either, Ric. Regards Anne
Comment from kathleenspalding
Yeeeaaaauuuuuk! Well, quite gross with a terrifying twist, well done! Excellent writing with no SPAG. I don't see anything that needs to be corrected. Great job!
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2017
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Yeeeaaaauuuuuk! Well, quite gross with a terrifying twist, well done! Excellent writing with no SPAG. I don't see anything that needs to be corrected. Great job!
Comment Written 16-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2017
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Thank you so much, KathleenSpalding, for taking time to read my humor... I mean, horror story. It's definitely not for those with a weak stomach, including me, actually. I think the humor was added more to take the edge off for than readers. LOL! Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)
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You're welcome
Comment from barkingdog
Hi, Ric.
Great entry. Love your Freddie host!
Fine use of the hallucinogenic, Ketamine, by your psychopathic killer.
Gross descriptions (bathroom vomit chunks and slipping; blood pooling, and head in the closet; and oh yes, the eyeballs!)
Good luck in the contest.
:) e xx
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2017
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Hi, Ric.
Great entry. Love your Freddie host!
Fine use of the hallucinogenic, Ketamine, by your psychopathic killer.
Gross descriptions (bathroom vomit chunks and slipping; blood pooling, and head in the closet; and oh yes, the eyeballs!)
Good luck in the contest.
:) e xx
Comment Written 16-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2017
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Thank you so much, Ellen, my sweet friend, for taking time to read my humor... uh, I mean, horror story. I have thought about you every day for the last couple weeks. I even almost dropped you a note a time or two, but figured if you wanted to be pestered you would be on the site. It's always great to see your name pop up. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)
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I'm not well, Ric. Very anemic, so am not on site much anymore except to read my friends. It would be nice to hear from you anytime you want to get in touch. I do miss our visits and it would boost my spirit to know someone is thinking about me. If only I were psychic, I might have picked up your vibes. haha
:) e
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Damn, I thought you were... you know, a little bit psychic. I'm sorry to hear you aren't well. I had hoped that wasn't the case. What can the doctors do to fight off the being anemic? Does it have anything to do with eating habits and such? You have to take care of yourself. I know, none of us like being lectured. How's the roof holding? Of course, right now, it's about time for all you Floridians to start praying or dancing for rain. I mean, more than those quick 30 minute 3:30 or 4:00 o'clock afternoon showers. If you ever get bored, just drop me a line on that email address I sent you, that is if haven't thrown it away again. Wishing you the Best! :-)
Comment from Tod Moran
Clever, well told tale. Nice twist. I'm not a big fan of this sort of thing but this was better written, clearer than most.
One thing that was NOT clear, he went into the house with the arm, not mentioned again. What happened to it? Are we to assume it was a drug induced illusion? If so, the writer needs to make that clear, or simply explain that the narrator dropped it on the way in.
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2017
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Clever, well told tale. Nice twist. I'm not a big fan of this sort of thing but this was better written, clearer than most.
One thing that was NOT clear, he went into the house with the arm, not mentioned again. What happened to it? Are we to assume it was a drug induced illusion? If so, the writer needs to make that clear, or simply explain that the narrator dropped it on the way in.
Comment Written 16-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2017
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No, he didn't touch the arm, just grabbed up his dog, Grumpy, and ran to the house. Well, in reality, the Ketamine made him imagine all of that too, while he was being carved up by Natalie in his own bed. The arm was actually his own, and it ended up in one of the two freezers with all the other body parts Natalie had collected. Yes, it was all part of drug induced hallucinations, until he finally came to his self in the hospital with all his friends standing around, realizing his limbs were gone. The victim is the narrator throughout the whole story. All the bases are covered and everything is told, but I don't like always giving every minute detail, I want the readers to envision some things on their own. I promise, all the information is there. Someone said they liked the story because it was simple. All I could do was laugh, because it's anything but simple, heck I even have to pay particular attention to details. Maybe they just meant worded simply. Thank you so much, Tod Moran, for taking time to read my humor... uh, I mean, horror story. Your kind words, suggestions, and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)
Comment from F. Wehr3
Entertaining tale, Ric. The hallucination and then waking to the real nightmare was an interesting concept. I don't know anything about ketamine and its effects, so I can't comment about his state. I made some notes as I read. Please consider the following.
My pooch gathered up in one hand, me gagging in the other. --I almost want to say with the other or on the other. In doesn't seem to fit.
I hear voices calling my name and fingers punching me.--Punching or poking?
as in her garage we found two freezers full of body parts.--I paused as in her garage. I think it would be better to reword this. We found... in her garage.
Take care,
Russell
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2017
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Entertaining tale, Ric. The hallucination and then waking to the real nightmare was an interesting concept. I don't know anything about ketamine and its effects, so I can't comment about his state. I made some notes as I read. Please consider the following.
My pooch gathered up in one hand, me gagging in the other. --I almost want to say with the other or on the other. In doesn't seem to fit.
I hear voices calling my name and fingers punching me.--Punching or poking?
as in her garage we found two freezers full of body parts.--I paused as in her garage. I think it would be better to reword this. We found... in her garage.
Take care,
Russell
Comment Written 16-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2017
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Thank you so much, Russell, for taking time to read my humor... uh, I mean, horror story. I went through punching, poking, and jabbing at me, before going with punching. Like punching into, rather than poking or jabbing at. But if you think poking is a better choice, then I'm with you. I also played around with, in the other, on the other, and even into the other, but finally went with, me gagging in the other. Yep, in truth, none of it sounds exactly right. In truth, I forgot about Dean asking me to participate in the contest and didn't start writing until late the night before the deadline. Which didn't give me time to do any editing or polishing. I wrote the freezers full of body parts sentence the way I did so that part would be at the very end of the sentence, holding the punch until last. Yes, "We found... in her garage, two freezers full of body parts," it will be, my friend. Your kind words, suggestions, and generous review are greatly appreciated. Oh, and by the way, KETAMINE was first used as an animal tranquilizer, then, it was given before surgeries before becoming one of those faddish drugs used by teenagers, if you can believe that stupidity. It is called "The Black Hole" for a reason. Of course, they are now experimenting with using it as a treatment for depression. And they call it innovation. :-)
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You're welcome.
Oh, goody, another drug on the market. Let's take away all feelings. Feel better now? Crazy.
Comment from Ann Philips
Well, that was certainly a freaky tale. I'm not normally a reader of horror stories, nor do I watch horror films... but I did "enjoy? ( is that the right word... don't think so) your tale. The pacing was good, tension high, self-dialogue well done. I didn't know where you were going with the story and found the ending "fun?".
In the line, "then, a three-inch piece of bone from the bicep area protrudes inside exposed stringy tendons, blood vessels, and muscle", the "protrudes inside exposed stringy..."... do you want a comma there or maybe start a new sentence?
I also liked your introductory shtick... it was classic.
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2017
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Well, that was certainly a freaky tale. I'm not normally a reader of horror stories, nor do I watch horror films... but I did "enjoy? ( is that the right word... don't think so) your tale. The pacing was good, tension high, self-dialogue well done. I didn't know where you were going with the story and found the ending "fun?".
In the line, "then, a three-inch piece of bone from the bicep area protrudes inside exposed stringy tendons, blood vessels, and muscle", the "protrudes inside exposed stringy..."... do you want a comma there or maybe start a new sentence?
I also liked your introductory shtick... it was classic.
Comment Written 16-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2017
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Thank you so much, Ann Philips, for taking time to read my humor... uh, horror story. You are the first person to bring up that comma, and I'm glad you did. I had that sentence broken up, then together, broken up, and back together repeatedly. And honestly, I still don't know which way is best. So, having to go one way or another, I settled on this way. But you are right, it's a big question mark, even for me. But I didn't like it broken up either. LOL! Your catch, kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. Who knows, I may still put a period there. :-)
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Who said that "you never finish a story, just give up working on it"....that's the problem... glad I could remind you of writing's own unending terrors.
Comment from Hitcher
This is a well written slice of horror with more than enough blood and guts to satisfy those of us that love darkness and despair. It is creative, visually engaging, dark and disturbing... everything a horror tale should be. I enjoyed it! Good luck mate!
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2017
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This is a well written slice of horror with more than enough blood and guts to satisfy those of us that love darkness and despair. It is creative, visually engaging, dark and disturbing... everything a horror tale should be. I enjoyed it! Good luck mate!
Comment Written 16-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2017
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Thank you so much, Hitcher, for taking time to read my humor... uh, I mean, horror story. I'm just honored to have been asked to participate with such an outstanding group of contestants, and to be rewarded with this encouraging review from such a talented writer as you. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
A very scary tale indeed! Twists and turns along the way in this neat little horror story! The title is apt and your story is inventive and entertaining, albeit frightening! Best wishes, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2017
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A very scary tale indeed! Twists and turns along the way in this neat little horror story! The title is apt and your story is inventive and entertaining, albeit frightening! Best wishes, love Dolly x
Comment Written 16-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2017
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Thank you so much, Dolly, my dear, for taking time to read my story. I felt a little in over my head when I saw the likes of such talented writers assembled for this contest, but thanks to you and others, I'm beginning to feel right at home. I'm happy you liked it, or maybe I should say, were entertained. LOL. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)
