Patterns
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "News"poetry
12 total reviews
Comment from J. Salvatore
Wow. Excellent. Where to begin?
1. The first stanza is wonderful describing, as it does, the incestuous, self-serving nature of new reporting.
2. The second stanza is made perfect by not completing any of the statements.
3. In the fifth stanza , it's great the way you juxtapose the celebrities with the victims of the terror attack.
4. The sixth stanza touches again on the navel-gazing of the media, but in a different way. Nice!
5. As with each stanza, the seventh brings in yet another subject. This keeps the poem fresh and moving throughout.
6. We then get to the spying - which is deemed "necessary"! Perfectly captures the lack of solid reasons for it.
7. In the same way, the war starts without any reason that the average man can understand or imagine.
8. And then - pure genius - the machinations of those in control are juxtaposed with the allegedly difficult-to-understand actions of individuals. You deftly point out that these actions are no more psychotic or unreasonable than the previously-described actions of the politicians and board members.
9. I love the statement that the felons overturn their own convictions.
10. And then we end with the hopelessness (the wheel out of our hands) vividly felt by the experience of watching planes taking off from foreign lands - this last conveys such a sense of having no control whatsoever.
Wonderful! Congratulations!
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2017
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Wow. Excellent. Where to begin?
1. The first stanza is wonderful describing, as it does, the incestuous, self-serving nature of new reporting.
2. The second stanza is made perfect by not completing any of the statements.
3. In the fifth stanza , it's great the way you juxtapose the celebrities with the victims of the terror attack.
4. The sixth stanza touches again on the navel-gazing of the media, but in a different way. Nice!
5. As with each stanza, the seventh brings in yet another subject. This keeps the poem fresh and moving throughout.
6. We then get to the spying - which is deemed "necessary"! Perfectly captures the lack of solid reasons for it.
7. In the same way, the war starts without any reason that the average man can understand or imagine.
8. And then - pure genius - the machinations of those in control are juxtaposed with the allegedly difficult-to-understand actions of individuals. You deftly point out that these actions are no more psychotic or unreasonable than the previously-described actions of the politicians and board members.
9. I love the statement that the felons overturn their own convictions.
10. And then we end with the hopelessness (the wheel out of our hands) vividly felt by the experience of watching planes taking off from foreign lands - this last conveys such a sense of having no control whatsoever.
Wonderful! Congratulations!
Comment Written 07-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2017
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Thanks again for this six star review and for all your terrific comments supporting this piece and how it was written. I am glad you were so moved by what this poem had to say, and how it was said. estory
Comment from loismddavis
this is a well written rhyming poem--I think your description of it as apocalyptic is correct --I am not really sure as it was just exposure with no conclusion that was probably your intention. I am not fond of this type of poetry but it did have good rhyme ,some internal rhyme and a rhythm.
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reply by the author on 09-Jun-2017
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this is a well written rhyming poem--I think your description of it as apocalyptic is correct --I am not really sure as it was just exposure with no conclusion that was probably your intention. I am not fond of this type of poetry but it did have good rhyme ,some internal rhyme and a rhythm.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2017
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Thank you for your excellent review and for supporting the poem. I am interested in creating new methods for making music out of language, using repeating patterns of words and phrases, rhythm, and chopped up collages of images to create an abstract experience of the world that I think captures this computerized, mechanized, automated, sensationalized life we lead today. I do some more traditional styles and forms, but I like to experiment. estory
