Unleashed Chaos
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "Love Endures All"A Novel of the Breedline Series
8 total reviews
Comment from rwilliam
OH MY GOSH! I'm happy I got to Rea more of your story. I've missed it! You're such a great writer. You can make me be 'in' the story even when I"m behind on what's happening. THAT is GREAT writing girl!
I'm not sure if this is the book you're still working on so disregard my comment if you're done. :-) Jem was standing nervously in the foyer, shifting his weight back and forth between his two feet.--I'd take out the 'two feet'. It's not needed. I know that he is shifting his weight between two feet so it's not needed. "Jem stood nervously in the foyer, shifting his weight back and forth.
You painted the scenes so well. I was watching it in my mind. I loved the wedding so much. Bravo!!!
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2017
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OH MY GOSH! I'm happy I got to Rea more of your story. I've missed it! You're such a great writer. You can make me be 'in' the story even when I"m behind on what's happening. THAT is GREAT writing girl!
I'm not sure if this is the book you're still working on so disregard my comment if you're done. :-) Jem was standing nervously in the foyer, shifting his weight back and forth between his two feet.--I'd take out the 'two feet'. It's not needed. I know that he is shifting his weight between two feet so it's not needed. "Jem stood nervously in the foyer, shifting his weight back and forth.
You painted the scenes so well. I was watching it in my mind. I loved the wedding so much. Bravo!!!
Comment Written 09-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2017
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Thank you, girl! :)
I'm glad you got to read the wedding scene. So happy you enjoyed it. I wanted to make Jem and Mia's wedding stand out. I was hoping it would captivate the reader. Thanks for the tip. I will remember that the next time I write something like this. Yes, my book does have some mistakes that I would like to change. I really need to find someone with a great pair of eyes to catch the small things I overlook. The copyeditors they have are terrible. I think anyone's story can always be better. I'm really learning as I go along. You and so many others have made a huge impact on my writing. I can't thank you enough. I will always continue to grow each time I write.
Thanks again for the generous review!
Shana :)
Comment from ngage
Wow! You knocked it out of the park! Great imagery and detail with the wedding. You made me feel like I was right there. Even the food sounded delicious. I really liked the part with Drakon playing their fav song on the piano. Congrats on superb writing. Wish I had six stars to give you. This deserves it!
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2017
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Wow! You knocked it out of the park! Great imagery and detail with the wedding. You made me feel like I was right there. Even the food sounded delicious. I really liked the part with Drakon playing their fav song on the piano. Congrats on superb writing. Wish I had six stars to give you. This deserves it!
Comment Written 08-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2017
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Thank you! This is a very encouraging review. You've been so kind to me, my friend. Words cannot express my gratitude. This made my whole week!
Comment from Rasmine
Hello, :)
I'm new so the author's notes are appreciated. I saw a couple of familiar words, like Golem, but your Golem is nothing like Tolkien's.
Early the next morning, Jace quietly slipped out of bed, trying not to wake Tessa. He was eager to be downstairs when Jem and Mia got back from their honeymoon after a few days at a relaxing B&B near the beach (but didn't they get married the day before? Then you said 'a few days -- just pointing this out to you.).
This is very complicated and interesting. I loved the wedding, and the description of the food made me hungry! :P
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2017
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Hello, :)
I'm new so the author's notes are appreciated. I saw a couple of familiar words, like Golem, but your Golem is nothing like Tolkien's.
Early the next morning, Jace quietly slipped out of bed, trying not to wake Tessa. He was eager to be downstairs when Jem and Mia got back from their honeymoon after a few days at a relaxing B&B near the beach (but didn't they get married the day before? Then you said 'a few days -- just pointing this out to you.).
This is very complicated and interesting. I loved the wedding, and the description of the food made me hungry! :P
Comment Written 08-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2017
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Thank you, Rasmine :)
Glad you stopped in to read my chapter. Yes, I have my own spin on the creatures I added. Thanks for pointing the (day thing) out to me. It's nice to have another pair of eyes on this. Hope to hear back from you again.
Shana :)
Comment from apky
I love how you give the reader all the details to the last fusion tie and positions and posture.
They'd spoke(n) about it once, but she really never actually thought about it--until now.
While reading your magnificent weeding scenes, I had wet eyes thoughout. You did a great job there, pouring out all the emotions, deepest feelings.
Excellent.
Cheers,
Akinyi
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2017
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I love how you give the reader all the details to the last fusion tie and positions and posture.
They'd spoke(n) about it once, but she really never actually thought about it--until now.
While reading your magnificent weeding scenes, I had wet eyes thoughout. You did a great job there, pouring out all the emotions, deepest feelings.
Excellent.
Cheers,
Akinyi
Comment Written 08-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2017
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Thank you! :)
Glad you liked the details on the wedding. I wanted to give the reader the full affect. Jem and Mia are my special characters, so I wanted them to share their true love. Sometimes I put a little fantasy in my story of what I dream of for myself. I appreciate your time to stop in and read my chapter. Thanks for catching my typo. I really like it when I have another pair of eyes on my story.
Thanks again my friend,
Shana :)
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Ooops, of course I meant "wedding" not weeding... sorry. It was a great chapter, Shana.
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I figured that, LOL. Thanks!
Comment from Ricky1024
This read well written from the Heart.
Theme met imagery and clashed sending sparks into the darkened skies...
Oh me...
Oh my...
Should I continue...
Or die?
So, you grab a weopen and wield your way through...
For that's what you do...
Thanks,
Ricky 1024
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2017
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This read well written from the Heart.
Theme met imagery and clashed sending sparks into the darkened skies...
Oh me...
Oh my...
Should I continue...
Or die?
So, you grab a weopen and wield your way through...
For that's what you do...
Thanks,
Ricky 1024
Comment Written 07-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2017
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Thanks Ricky :) Glad to see you enjoyed my chapter. Usually, my characters are fighting villians & protecting their species, but this time I added some heartfelt romance. Hope to hear from you again. Thanks, Shana :)
Comment from prettybluebirds
Excellent. I love the beautiful descriptions of the clothes everyone wore at the wedding. It adds much to the story. The dialogue is nicely done too.
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2017
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Excellent. I love the beautiful descriptions of the clothes everyone wore at the wedding. It adds much to the story. The dialogue is nicely done too.
Comment Written 07-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2017
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Thank you so much! I really like to write a good romance scene & the wedding was fun for me. Hope to hear from you again. Thanks, Shana :)
Comment from royowen
A wonderful episode. Taking a breather, while Jem and Mia, engage in their nuptials, mucjh to their delight, and adoptive parents, and the Breedline General. Mia tells Tessa about becoming adoptive parents to Eve's twins, she understands but wonders about Jace's reaction, but I guess we'll see. Excellent episode Shana. All that interplay with the characters, you're good at emotional things, well done, dear Shana, blessings, my friend, Roy
Typo : the Chiang-Sheh demon could be (the) father of Eve's twins.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2017
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A wonderful episode. Taking a breather, while Jem and Mia, engage in their nuptials, mucjh to their delight, and adoptive parents, and the Breedline General. Mia tells Tessa about becoming adoptive parents to Eve's twins, she understands but wonders about Jace's reaction, but I guess we'll see. Excellent episode Shana. All that interplay with the characters, you're good at emotional things, well done, dear Shana, blessings, my friend, Roy
Typo : the Chiang-Sheh demon could be (the) father of Eve's twins.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2017
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Thank you my dear friend,
I was hoping you would enjoy reading Jem and Mia's wedding. I love to write about romance. Their bond is very inspiring to me. The Breedline family keep a tight bond with one another as well. I enjoy that in good natured people. Banning together as a whole is what this world needs today.
Thanks again & thanks for catching the typo. :)
Always your fan,
Shana :)
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Dear Shana, you and I share a common theme with thinking of human bonds as ultra important to life and love in general. Only a reflection of God's deep desire for functional families. Beautifully done. Roy
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You're the dearest person I know, Roy. Thank you for your generous and kind words.
Shana :)
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Always with affection Shana, you too. Roy
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
Ultimately Jem had to think of his mother Katlyn, no crime could happen for love is above all, realized as Katlyn had ever saved family with love; I liked.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2017
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Ultimately Jem had to think of his mother Katlyn, no crime could happen for love is above all, realized as Katlyn had ever saved family with love; I liked.
Comment Written 05-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2017
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Thanks so much for taking the time to read another chapter & for the positive feedback! Greatly appreciated! Shana :)
