Tree Climber
Iambic pentameter blank verse.70 total reviews
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
Forever free, forever young, the boy
within a black-and-white memento plays.
How often he appears apart from me.
Could he imagine I would climb this far?'
A beautifully crafted piece of poetry, well done this is truly fabulous, kindest regards Meia x
reply by the author on 31-May-2017
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Forever free, forever young, the boy
within a black-and-white memento plays.
How often he appears apart from me.
Could he imagine I would climb this far?'
A beautifully crafted piece of poetry, well done this is truly fabulous, kindest regards Meia x
Comment Written 31-May-2017
reply by the author on 31-May-2017
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Oh, thank you, Meia, for your review and for pointing out the stanza that resonated with you.
Comment from Heather Knight
Lovely poem, Andre. I'm going to the gym now, but I'll try to read Stranger Danger when I have time.
Your mother sounds like a great woman. Rising five children on her own must have been tough.
Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 31-May-2017
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Lovely poem, Andre. I'm going to the gym now, but I'll try to read Stranger Danger when I have time.
Your mother sounds like a great woman. Rising five children on her own must have been tough.
Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 31-May-2017
reply by the author on 31-May-2017
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Yes, Maria, my mother was a great woman. Raising five children alone was tough but was also a blessing given the alternatives. Thank you for your review.
Comment from Hitcher
You still having fun with iambic pentameter friend and sharing some of your treasured memories. Long may they linger in your mind. I think you have done a splendid job but I think you might want to re-visit your first stanza;
as he achieves balance amid blooming buds, - seam to have 11 syllables and I found it a tad clunky when reading it aloud. maybe lose the 'as' (Suggestion only)
reply by the author on 31-May-2017
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You still having fun with iambic pentameter friend and sharing some of your treasured memories. Long may they linger in your mind. I think you have done a splendid job but I think you might want to re-visit your first stanza;
as he achieves balance amid blooming buds, - seam to have 11 syllables and I found it a tad clunky when reading it aloud. maybe lose the 'as' (Suggestion only)
Comment Written 31-May-2017
reply by the author on 31-May-2017
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Oh, thank you, Hitcher, for your generous review and your feedback. The iambic pentameter blank verse is the most challenging poetic form I have written so far because I cannot rely upon the crutch of rhymes. A poem is like a game of Jenga--the game involving stacked blocks. When I fixed the line in question in the first stanza, I had to tweak my whole stanza to make my new change fit. Here is what I came up with:
When I reflect upon myself, the boy
in processed silver nitrate, black-and-white
achieves his balance 'mid the blooming buds.
Forgotten memories invade my mind.
You're the second person to point out that problematic line.
Thanks again for your review.
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That reads much better friend...much better : ) Good on you for trying different forms, they all offer different challenges but the rewards are worth it!
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Thanks, Hitcher, for the compliment and encouragement. Yes, I love trying different poetic forms because that is how I grow.
Comment from DR DIP
Andre you might not post prolifically but when you do they are gems like this one!
I could so relate growing up as a middle child with my two sisters climbing the huge gum trees in Mum and dads back yard I can just picture them now indelibly photographed in my memory. Thankyou for jogging those wonderful memories of my childhood, These poems are so special to me
dip
reply by the author on 31-May-2017
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Andre you might not post prolifically but when you do they are gems like this one!
I could so relate growing up as a middle child with my two sisters climbing the huge gum trees in Mum and dads back yard I can just picture them now indelibly photographed in my memory. Thankyou for jogging those wonderful memories of my childhood, These poems are so special to me
dip
Comment Written 31-May-2017
reply by the author on 31-May-2017
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Oh, thank you, Dip, for your generous, six star review pf my gem of a poem which took me five days to write! Yes, I was the middle child in my family, too. You should write you own tree climbing poem. I am glad my poem jogged your memory and that you found my poem special.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written blank verse poem. We usually rise higher than we expect to according to our childhood difficulties fears and disabilities. As we mature we find ways to overcome our weaknesses.
reply by the author on 31-May-2017
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A very well-written blank verse poem. We usually rise higher than we expect to according to our childhood difficulties fears and disabilities. As we mature we find ways to overcome our weaknesses.
Comment Written 31-May-2017
reply by the author on 31-May-2017
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Yes, Sandra, the kid I was could not imagine the man I would become. Thank you for your review of my blank verse poem.
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
Andre, this is as lovely story and so appropriately displayed in muted colour that suits the story (black and white film used in the camera). Your iambic strays a bit especially line 3 in stanza 1. You have 11 syllables and it is not iambic. Also line 2 in stanza 3 is not iambic and you have 11 syllables. There are repeated line end rhyme in tree/me, and also home/home which should be easy to remedy. Otherwise I really enjoyed your sincere, and biological poem. Lovely. Warm regards Dorothy x
reply by the author on 31-May-2017
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Andre, this is as lovely story and so appropriately displayed in muted colour that suits the story (black and white film used in the camera). Your iambic strays a bit especially line 3 in stanza 1. You have 11 syllables and it is not iambic. Also line 2 in stanza 3 is not iambic and you have 11 syllables. There are repeated line end rhyme in tree/me, and also home/home which should be easy to remedy. Otherwise I really enjoyed your sincere, and biological poem. Lovely. Warm regards Dorothy x
Comment Written 31-May-2017
reply by the author on 31-May-2017
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Oh, thank you, Dorothy, for your generous review and for pointing out problems in my iambic pentameter. I have fixed them as follows:
"achieves his balance 'mid the blooming buds."
and
"by stripes across my chest like bees abuzz."
I was shocked to discover that "toward" is pronounced in two syllables. I always pronounce it "tward."
As for any repeated end rhymes, they were random as I set out to write an unrhymed poem.
Thank you for your review and feedback.
Comment from Ricky1024
Written reveal past.
Journeys.
A time of delight...
And fear...
Racism enveloped within fragrant blooms?
Black and white Kodak...
Child to man...
Continues to still climb...
Thanks sis
Ricky1024
reply by the author on 31-May-2017
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Written reveal past.
Journeys.
A time of delight...
And fear...
Racism enveloped within fragrant blooms?
Black and white Kodak...
Child to man...
Continues to still climb...
Thanks sis
Ricky1024
Comment Written 31-May-2017
reply by the author on 31-May-2017
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Oh, thank you, Ricky, for your inspiring, poetic six star review. I appreciate it!
Comment from WalkerMan
Ah, the carefree adventures of youth, captured on film and saved to prompt reminiscing decades later.... We do not all have pictures beyond our memories; but, when we recall such times, the nostalgic effect is similar (unless our younger days were unpleasant, in which case "nostalgic" is hardly the right word). Here the memory is of a happy time, and in recollection the tree becomes a symbol of life's climb to a level of success not imaginable in youth. Well done, with real illustration.
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reply by the author on 31-May-2017
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Ah, the carefree adventures of youth, captured on film and saved to prompt reminiscing decades later.... We do not all have pictures beyond our memories; but, when we recall such times, the nostalgic effect is similar (unless our younger days were unpleasant, in which case "nostalgic" is hardly the right word). Here the memory is of a happy time, and in recollection the tree becomes a symbol of life's climb to a level of success not imaginable in youth. Well done, with real illustration.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 31-May-2017
reply by the author on 31-May-2017
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Yes, WalkerMan, even as a child-climbing kid, I could not imagine my success today. Thank you for your review.
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You are welcome, Andre. -- Mike
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Andre,
A great piece here. I think you nailed the rhythm and flow on this one. The subject matter and observations made are fantastic. Yes, we remember fondly those great, captured moments, but do we forget those other despondent ones? Do we want to? Should we?
The imagery is great and I love some of the phrases you've used, gives it a very firm time and place.
Great stuff
G
reply by the author on 31-May-2017
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Hi Andre,
A great piece here. I think you nailed the rhythm and flow on this one. The subject matter and observations made are fantastic. Yes, we remember fondly those great, captured moments, but do we forget those other despondent ones? Do we want to? Should we?
The imagery is great and I love some of the phrases you've used, gives it a very firm time and place.
Great stuff
G
Comment Written 31-May-2017
reply by the author on 31-May-2017
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Oh, thank you, G., for giving my poem its first six star review. I kept writing until my poem began to take shape, suggesting that I use iambic pentameter blank verse like Shakespeare's plays and Robert Frost's "Birches." I am glad you enjoyed the results.
Comment from Asem.inspirations
Well this is a nice surprise, I entered my computer and there I see, "Sis Cat just posted "Tree Climber." It is so good to read anything you write and this memory with the black and white photo of child's play, you and your brother, is so special.
How precious these memories must be for you and the poem is so perfect. I love that you were able to lay it out so lovely, giving us the total picture of what was going on in that day. It was a beautiful trip for me into your past...Good read.
Yet I learned of a new form of poetry -Iambic pentameter blank verse...
Thank you for this precious poem and photo as well as the lesson taught. I appreciate all that I am learning from you. Have a beautiful day.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 31-May-2017
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Well this is a nice surprise, I entered my computer and there I see, "Sis Cat just posted "Tree Climber." It is so good to read anything you write and this memory with the black and white photo of child's play, you and your brother, is so special.
How precious these memories must be for you and the poem is so perfect. I love that you were able to lay it out so lovely, giving us the total picture of what was going on in that day. It was a beautiful trip for me into your past...Good read.
Yet I learned of a new form of poetry -Iambic pentameter blank verse...
Thank you for this precious poem and photo as well as the lesson taught. I appreciate all that I am learning from you. Have a beautiful day.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 31-May-2017
reply by the author on 31-May-2017
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Oh, Tier, thank you for granting my poem its first review. It is always great to hear from you. I found this picture in an old family photo album and got teary eyed. I decided to write this poem about it and try this popular form of poetry. Thanks again.
