Comment from Mustang Patty

Good

You did a good job with the writing prompt and used it as a starting point for a great story. I did find a many nits and here are a few examples;

'"You don't know, why not darling?(") My heart was pounding in my chest.'

'I wanted to strangle him(+,) but (no comma after the but)for some reason(+,) the police wouldn't let me at him.'

You need to examine each sentence and check your grammar and punctuation usage. You have quotation marks in the wrong place or missing. Your use of the comma could use some work, and your sentence structure is a bit sloppy.

Thank you for sharing this and I'm sure with a little editing, you will do well in the contest,
~patty~



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 Comment Written 26-May-2017

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reply by the author on 30-May-2017

Thanks. I am working on a few things.

Comment from Dean Kuch

Excellent

That night I heard movement and listened to see it if she was just going to the bathroom, or if she would come in to tell me of a bad dream. ... I think you intended to write, "if she was just going to the bathroom..." here, Author.

Poor Jenny.
The realization that the perpetrator/kidnapper was a nearby neighbor was a bit shocking, but also realistic.
Statistics say that out of all the children who are abducted, it is more likely than not that it is by someone they know.
Shame to traumatize a child and ruin their young lives that way.

I noticed just one SPAG, which I've made a note of.


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 Comment Written 26-May-2017

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reply by the author on 26-May-2017

Thanks so much!

reply by Dean Kuch on 26-May-2017

You're so welcome!