The Premonition (Flash Fiction)
Mary's Gifts22 total reviews
Comment from LIJ Red
First place in the contest is a pretty definite review. I agree with your win, this was exactly right for the prompt. I like the apocalyptic genre, as a rule, and this no exception.
reply by the author on 31-May-2017
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First place in the contest is a pretty definite review. I agree with your win, this was exactly right for the prompt. I like the apocalyptic genre, as a rule, and this no exception.
Comment Written 30-May-2017
reply by the author on 31-May-2017
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Thank you so much. It was a challenge and I like the character of this older woman. I also truly fear Korea. I apprecite your words as always.
Comment from Chrissy710
Hi Jusylee.Congratulations on your win well deserved as this is a great story and stick to the contest rules of doomsday scanario. i have just come across it and thought I would read it and glad I did. Well written and the content is scary but rivetting. Cheers Christine
reply by the author on 23-May-2017
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Hi Jusylee.Congratulations on your win well deserved as this is a great story and stick to the contest rules of doomsday scanario. i have just come across it and thought I would read it and glad I did. Well written and the content is scary but rivetting. Cheers Christine
Comment Written 23-May-2017
reply by the author on 23-May-2017
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Thank you so much Chrissy. I am afraid that North Korea is Dangerous. Let's truly hope this never happens.
Comment from pbomar1115
A ninety-one-year-old woman lives a lift having bad incidents after the other is more of a curse to me. Religious people do not believe in science. Nevertheless, I enjoyed the story because she believes her gift lets her see the future. Texas getting a bomb. I live in Dallas, Texas. But this is fiction. Thank God for that.
reply by the author on 13-May-2017
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A ninety-one-year-old woman lives a lift having bad incidents after the other is more of a curse to me. Religious people do not believe in science. Nevertheless, I enjoyed the story because she believes her gift lets her see the future. Texas getting a bomb. I live in Dallas, Texas. But this is fiction. Thank God for that.
Comment Written 13-May-2017
reply by the author on 13-May-2017
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It is fiction and I will always hope that it stays fiction even though Korea is trying to test bombs to see if they can reach America. Hope that never happens.
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Me too.
Comment from emptypage
"Only one person knew, Mary." I suggest using a colon after "knew." Otherwise, you have a fragment. And a colon would emphasize your point.
I LOVE THIS STORY.
Seriously, this is great. It has all the suspense of a blockbuster movie. I love Mary. I love the all-too-real scenario (I actually think Trump will nuke first....).
You've got my vote!
reply by the author on 13-May-2017
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"Only one person knew, Mary." I suggest using a colon after "knew." Otherwise, you have a fragment. And a colon would emphasize your point.
I LOVE THIS STORY.
Seriously, this is great. It has all the suspense of a blockbuster movie. I love Mary. I love the all-too-real scenario (I actually think Trump will nuke first....).
You've got my vote!
Comment Written 13-May-2017
reply by the author on 13-May-2017
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Thank you so much. I especially like your suggestion about the colon. I am actually afraid of Korea so this gave me the chance to write about it. Thank you so much. Judy lee.
Comment from ciliverde
Such a well done piece of flash fiction. The way you took us through Mary's life, we felt that we knew her just with the few details you filled in. Even her premonitions came to feel natural, and part of who she was. And she was right, no one would have believed her (I hope she's not right!)
Carol
reply by the author on 13-May-2017
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Such a well done piece of flash fiction. The way you took us through Mary's life, we felt that we knew her just with the few details you filled in. Even her premonitions came to feel natural, and part of who she was. And she was right, no one would have believed her (I hope she's not right!)
Carol
Comment Written 13-May-2017
reply by the author on 13-May-2017
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I do too, I hope she's not right, though I do fear North Korea and i live in Texas. At least this let me write about it.
Comment from amieweb
This was an enticing premise; the suspense built over each paragraph. First sentence and last sentence were strong, captivating and left me on edge. I had a good visual of an elderly woman on a bicycle from the image you painted at the end. Although it hasn't (yet?) happened, you managed to project current events and realism in a short yet effective paragraph. Well done!
reply by the author on 13-May-2017
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This was an enticing premise; the suspense built over each paragraph. First sentence and last sentence were strong, captivating and left me on edge. I had a good visual of an elderly woman on a bicycle from the image you painted at the end. Although it hasn't (yet?) happened, you managed to project current events and realism in a short yet effective paragraph. Well done!
Comment Written 13-May-2017
reply by the author on 13-May-2017
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Thank you. What do I need to do to get a higher rating?
Comment from Rasmine
This is really good. I entered this contest, too. I don't know but it got criticized for being too harsh to our wonderful president in the USA. (sarcasm) :P
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 13-May-2017
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This is really good. I entered this contest, too. I don't know but it got criticized for being too harsh to our wonderful president in the USA. (sarcasm) :P
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 13-May-2017
reply by the author on 13-May-2017
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Thank you Rasmine, I will make sure to read yours and see if I agree with the others ( Probably not, lol )
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
This is a chilling story and a great contest entry. I wouldn't like to hear someone who had such premonitions, just in case they came true! I am comforted that this is just 'flash fiction!', good luck with the contest, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 13-May-2017
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This is a chilling story and a great contest entry. I wouldn't like to hear someone who had such premonitions, just in case they came true! I am comforted that this is just 'flash fiction!', good luck with the contest, love Dolly x
Comment Written 13-May-2017
reply by the author on 13-May-2017
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I too am happy it is just flash fiction. However, in rea life, I am afraid of North Korea. This allowed me to write about it.
Comment from JDRBAR
The story line here is excellent. However, there are numerous grammatical errors that really need to be corrected before the contest deadline. I've listed just a couple to show you what I mean. Try reading it slowly, out loud. Many errors can be corrected that way. I hope you'll rewrite this as it is an excellent story.
a small town, Granite View (comma needed) in
The second time, her fifth child fell in the water. (not a complete sentence)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 13-May-2017
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The story line here is excellent. However, there are numerous grammatical errors that really need to be corrected before the contest deadline. I've listed just a couple to show you what I mean. Try reading it slowly, out loud. Many errors can be corrected that way. I hope you'll rewrite this as it is an excellent story.
a small town, Granite View (comma needed) in
The second time, her fifth child fell in the water. (not a complete sentence)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-May-2017
reply by the author on 13-May-2017
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thank you, I will do that right now . I so appreciate your hel
Comment from cupa tea
I like this one. It holds your attention, it flows well and its interesting to read. No one would believe a 91 year old woman that the world is about to end. That's totally correct;however, they'd never believe anyone else either. with all the nastiness going on these days I think people are thinking about the world ending. Good luck in the contest...
reply by the author on 13-May-2017
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I like this one. It holds your attention, it flows well and its interesting to read. No one would believe a 91 year old woman that the world is about to end. That's totally correct;however, they'd never believe anyone else either. with all the nastiness going on these days I think people are thinking about the world ending. Good luck in the contest...
Comment Written 13-May-2017
reply by the author on 13-May-2017
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thank you so much. It was a fun write and I am afraid of Korea so it gave me a chance to say it.
