O Come Away
I need a longer vacation!72 total reviews
Comment from Realist101
A gorgeous sonnet, the most difficult form to do well, Sis. I think I tried one years ago...extremely hard! I've never had a vacation as an adult...only do I go away in dreams and stories...and 71 reviews?? Wow, I'm lucky to get that many in months !â?¼
reply by the author on 31-May-2017
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A gorgeous sonnet, the most difficult form to do well, Sis. I think I tried one years ago...extremely hard! I've never had a vacation as an adult...only do I go away in dreams and stories...and 71 reviews?? Wow, I'm lucky to get that many in months !â?¼
Comment Written 30-May-2017
reply by the author on 31-May-2017
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Oh, thank you, Realist101, for giving my poem its seventy-second review! I usually post my poems within the top three where it may receive as many as one hundred reviews.
After my first sonnet I wrote on vacation, Where Faithful Stand, I embarked upon this second as I departed Puerto Vallarta. Once you get the meter, sonnets are easy to write. They are also a lot of fun. I love the challenge of trying a new form.
Thanks again for your review.
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you're very talented! :D
Comment from smileycloud
lovely strong imagery of the scene
your 14 lines stay true to form
the Iambic pentameter feels perfectly fine to me
your 3 quatrains and couplet all flow extremely well together without missing a beat
your summing up couplet well encompasses the fact that the metaphors were speaking of romance and special times and places
a very nice sonnet
have a smiley day
reply by the author on 11-May-2017
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lovely strong imagery of the scene
your 14 lines stay true to form
the Iambic pentameter feels perfectly fine to me
your 3 quatrains and couplet all flow extremely well together without missing a beat
your summing up couplet well encompasses the fact that the metaphors were speaking of romance and special times and places
a very nice sonnet
have a smiley day
Comment Written 10-May-2017
reply by the author on 11-May-2017
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Thank you, smileycloud, for giving my sonnet its last review before its certificate expired. I am glad you found its imagery strong.
Comment from Thal1959
Excellent, Andre. Flows smoothly like the waters. Good use of some internal rhymes. Rhythm is flawless. The ending couplet works like a charm, and I especially like, "The waves refill your prints upon the sand."
reply by the author on 11-May-2017
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Excellent, Andre. Flows smoothly like the waters. Good use of some internal rhymes. Rhythm is flawless. The ending couplet works like a charm, and I especially like, "The waves refill your prints upon the sand."
Comment Written 10-May-2017
reply by the author on 11-May-2017
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Thank you, Thal1959, for giving my sonnet its last six star review before its certificate expired. Many reviewers love that line about the waves refilling the footprints in the sand.
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I know what you mean, Andre. One well turned word or phrase can light up the whole poem.
Comment from Elijah Davis
Very well written. I know you said you are an oral writer so I'm gonna be an oral reviewer for you lol. Good job and could feel the mood and wind the beach offers. Only criticism and I'm sorry, but hey we both know it helps us as writers, is that the word terms were simple and the rhyme scheme was average. No mean intentions friend only friendly advice. Good job and keep it up!
reply by the author on 11-May-2017
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Very well written. I know you said you are an oral writer so I'm gonna be an oral reviewer for you lol. Good job and could feel the mood and wind the beach offers. Only criticism and I'm sorry, but hey we both know it helps us as writers, is that the word terms were simple and the rhyme scheme was average. No mean intentions friend only friendly advice. Good job and keep it up!
Comment Written 10-May-2017
reply by the author on 11-May-2017
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Thank you, Elijah, for your review and your comments. Given this is my second sonnet, I anticipate future sonnets will be more complex with word choices and rhyme schemes.
Comment from JanPerry
Very easy to read and the beauty of nature rings true throughout the passages. A lovely and romantic view of travelling on the boat to other countries. However, the perils or loneliness is never mentioned.
You are a true romantic.
reply by the author on 10-May-2017
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Very easy to read and the beauty of nature rings true throughout the passages. A lovely and romantic view of travelling on the boat to other countries. However, the perils or loneliness is never mentioned.
You are a true romantic.
Comment Written 10-May-2017
reply by the author on 10-May-2017
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Yes, Jan, I am a true romantic. Thank you for your review. It cheers me.
Comment from Hansel1
There is such a bittersweet feeling prior to departure, from anywhere. Whether it's a return trip home, or leaving for a new adventure, reflecting on what is being left behind can stir mixed emotions. I enjoyed the topic; do you travel often?
I enjoyed your work; thank you for sharing w/us - Cheers!
reply by the author on 10-May-2017
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There is such a bittersweet feeling prior to departure, from anywhere. Whether it's a return trip home, or leaving for a new adventure, reflecting on what is being left behind can stir mixed emotions. I enjoyed the topic; do you travel often?
I enjoyed your work; thank you for sharing w/us - Cheers!
Comment Written 09-May-2017
reply by the author on 10-May-2017
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Oh, thank you, Hansel, for your review. I used to travel much more to Europe and Morocco. Now, I only go as far as Mexico once a year. Thank you for your review of my bittersweet sonnet.
Comment from CD Richards
A very endearing sonnet, with perfect rhyme and meter, and a good turn. The impression I get is of competing forces, each tugging at your heartstrings. Not sure if that is the intention, but I experience something similar often when I travel.
Very good job, best of luck in the contest. Craig
reply by the author on 10-May-2017
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A very endearing sonnet, with perfect rhyme and meter, and a good turn. The impression I get is of competing forces, each tugging at your heartstrings. Not sure if that is the intention, but I experience something similar often when I travel.
Very good job, best of luck in the contest. Craig
Comment Written 09-May-2017
reply by the author on 10-May-2017
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Yes, Craig, many reviewers have made the same remark about competing forces--the desire to return home and the desire to stay on vacation. Thank you for your review and wishing me the best in the contest.
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
Rest is not only a requirement or need in living but it is absolute for better work performance; I liked this sonnet with its octave and sestet and conclusive resolution.
reply by the author on 10-May-2017
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Rest is not only a requirement or need in living but it is absolute for better work performance; I liked this sonnet with its octave and sestet and conclusive resolution.
Comment Written 09-May-2017
reply by the author on 10-May-2017
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Yes, Alcreator Litt Dear, rest is necessary to rejuvenate body and soul, work and inspiration. That vacation inspired my first sonnets. Thank you for your review.
Comment from TAB_that's me
I always need a longer vacation and another vacation once I get home:)
Very good sonnet (though I don't write them, so what do I know).
Good luck in the contest.
teresa
reply by the author on 10-May-2017
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I always need a longer vacation and another vacation once I get home:)
Very good sonnet (though I don't write them, so what do I know).
Good luck in the contest.
teresa
Comment Written 09-May-2017
reply by the author on 10-May-2017
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Isn't that the truth, Teresa? I need another vacation when I return home. Thank you for your review and for wishing me success in the contest.
Comment from Eternal Muse
A wonderful sonnet, Andre, with all the right trimmings. Great use of iambic pentameter, superb imagery and visuals, a very enjoyable read.
My favorite:
The waves refill your prints upon the sand.
They tug your toes as water ebbs and flows.
The salty air embraces souls inland.
Inhale, exhale the spell that sparks and grows.
Excellent work product for the second sonnet.
Fondly, Yelena
reply by the author on 10-May-2017
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A wonderful sonnet, Andre, with all the right trimmings. Great use of iambic pentameter, superb imagery and visuals, a very enjoyable read.
My favorite:
The waves refill your prints upon the sand.
They tug your toes as water ebbs and flows.
The salty air embraces souls inland.
Inhale, exhale the spell that sparks and grows.
Excellent work product for the second sonnet.
Fondly, Yelena
Comment Written 09-May-2017
reply by the author on 10-May-2017
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Oh, thank you, Yelena, for your review. Writing my second sonnet took me three weeks, but once I settled upon a direction, I wrapped my sonnet up in one day. I only had meter problems on one line which I have corrected. This shows my rapid progress in using iambic pentameter.
To me, a sonnet is magic. I dream the lines and put them to page. The words fall into place like a crossword puzzle or a game of Scrabble.
I had read your ocean sonnet again to determine which syllable to accent. You used O-cean and o-CEAN. So I had to go to go to outside ocean sonnets to determine to place the accent on O-cean.
I am just getting started and am curious about what else I can achieve with this form.
Thank you for your review and inspiration. The second stanza broke a three week logjam for me. I am glad you found it to be your favorite.
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Yes, sonnets are very addictive. Once you grasp that iambic pentameter concept, sonnet becomes the second nature. I must confess, I've written too many of them, they have some magic hold on me - and thus might have ignored other worthy forms.
I think, you will find writing a Crown of heroic sonnets a challenge. I can't wait to see your rendition. PM me if you have any questions. We have had some great entries over the years. Some of the writers have since passed.
If you search my portfolio and put "crown of heroic sonnets" in the search box, you will find quite a few. My personal favorite is "The crown for Vegas". Here is the link for it:
http://classic.fanstory.com/displaystory.jsp?hd=1&id=487817&userid=154806&tf=0
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Thank you, Yelena, for your encouraging words. I will take a look at your crown sonnet.
AW
