Unleashed Chaos
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Broken"A Novel of the Breedline Series
7 total reviews
Comment from Natali Holden
I love how you spell Celina's name with a c instead of a s. I've never seen it spelled like that before I read your book. Celina is probably my favorite character so far, I really hope Jem tries to help her. I also hope Eve gets to raise her kids when they're born. I didn't see anything I would change. Awesome chapter!
Natali ;)
P.s. Natalie is awesome too. ;)
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2017
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I love how you spell Celina's name with a c instead of a s. I've never seen it spelled like that before I read your book. Celina is probably my favorite character so far, I really hope Jem tries to help her. I also hope Eve gets to raise her kids when they're born. I didn't see anything I would change. Awesome chapter!
Natali ;)
P.s. Natalie is awesome too. ;)
Comment Written 20-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2017
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Thank you, Natali :)
You made my day! So glad to hear you like my character Celina. Your the first to say that. :) She has made it through a lot in the past. Especially with her twin sister, Taliah. But now that she has her bonded mate, Kyle and her Aunt Helen, things are looking up for her.
It's also like that you care about Eve. She has been a shady character in the past. Most readers hate her. But she has seen the light and wants to change her life. I see readers feeling sorry for her character.
Yes, my sweet little darling Natalie is fun to write about. I love creating children characters.
Thanks so much!
Shana :)
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I'm surprised no one else has said they like Celina. She's awesome! Keep up the good work!
Natali ;)
Comment from ngage
Another excellent chapter, Shana. Looks like Mia is forgiving her sister, Eve. And now Mia and Jem have agreed to adopt Eve's twins when they are born. I'm looking forward to Jace's reaction when they tell him.
You did an exceptional job with the interaction between each character. This book is far my favorite out of the three. Did not see anything that I would change. Perfect!
reply by the author on 05-May-2017
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Another excellent chapter, Shana. Looks like Mia is forgiving her sister, Eve. And now Mia and Jem have agreed to adopt Eve's twins when they are born. I'm looking forward to Jace's reaction when they tell him.
You did an exceptional job with the interaction between each character. This book is far my favorite out of the three. Did not see anything that I would change. Perfect!
Comment Written 05-May-2017
reply by the author on 05-May-2017
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Thank you, ngage! :)
So glad you dropped in again on another chapter. Yes, Mia and Jem have big hearts. Now stay tuned to see what Jace says about all this. It might be hard to convince him to let Eve and Sebastian's twins live in the same home as his own.
Thanks again my friend. Your kind words keep me inspired.
Shana :)
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
Shana,
A great chapter - moving the story along. Poor Celina is suffering and her healing powers haven't kicked in. Will Chester be able to heal her?
Babies can be delivered when she's just 4 mths along? Wow! Wish it was the same in human beings - save alot of discomfort.
"I'm not interrupting anything(,) am I?"
Margaret
reply by the author on 03-May-2017
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Shana,
A great chapter - moving the story along. Poor Celina is suffering and her healing powers haven't kicked in. Will Chester be able to heal her?
Babies can be delivered when she's just 4 mths along? Wow! Wish it was the same in human beings - save alot of discomfort.
"I'm not interrupting anything(,) am I?"
Margaret
Comment Written 03-May-2017
reply by the author on 03-May-2017
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Thank you, Margaret :)
So glad you stopped in to read another chapter. You are inspiring me. :)
Stay tuned... maybe there will be good news for Celina soon.
Yes, it would be nice if we could have babies at four months. LOL!
Thanks for catching my missed comma. It's so hard to get those in there where they need to be. I have Grammerly, but sometimes it doesn't catch everything. Great to have another pair of eyes on my chapters.
It's always a pleasure to hear from you.
Thanks again,
Shana :)
Comment from Janilou
A very interesting chapter indeed. I didn't see anything needing correction, and I don't have any suggestions for improvement. The author's notes are great -- very thorough.
I will look forward to reading subsequent chapters to find out what happens in this story.
Jan
reply by the author on 02-May-2017
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A very interesting chapter indeed. I didn't see anything needing correction, and I don't have any suggestions for improvement. The author's notes are great -- very thorough.
I will look forward to reading subsequent chapters to find out what happens in this story.
Jan
Comment Written 01-May-2017
reply by the author on 02-May-2017
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Thank you, Jan :)
I appreciate your great review and encouraging words. Thanks for mentioning the notes I added. I always hope it helps the reader. My characters are very dear to me, and I enjoy sharing them with everyone.
Thanks again,
Shana :)
Comment from Nikki-Nicole
The reader isn't going to be able to put this book down. It's just that good.
Well-written chapter.
I like it. Love the dialogue.
I look forward to reading more of this book.
The author's notes are very much appreciated.
Thanks for sharing another chapter.
Good luck with your future writing!
-Nicole-
reply by the author on 02-May-2017
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The reader isn't going to be able to put this book down. It's just that good.
Well-written chapter.
I like it. Love the dialogue.
I look forward to reading more of this book.
The author's notes are very much appreciated.
Thanks for sharing another chapter.
Good luck with your future writing!
-Nicole-
Comment Written 01-May-2017
reply by the author on 02-May-2017
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Thank you, Nicole :)
Glad to see you enjoyed another adventure of the Breedline. Your review was the highlight of my day. Your kind words really give me confidence. Thank you so much my friend.
Shana :)
Comment from 816clj
I'm jumping in a bit late on this story. I haven't read any of it but this piece but this piece really caught me. I think it's great! Very creative and drew me in. I want to know what happens next. Also very well written. I only caught one editing error and then there were two things that stood out to me as awkward. See below:
In this passage below I think you left out -would stop- her only hope...causing them to jerk would stop.
Lying in bed, Celina's body felt all wrong, both cumbersome and weightless at the same time, and her only hope was the spasms in her muscles that shot through her legs and moved into her feet, causing them to jerk. Surely I won't be like this forever, she told herself. My healing powers should be kicking in by now.
This passage below I thought was awkward because if 4 months is normal for Mia's species why would she need to be told that. Maybe Mia says "Oh, that's right. She's already four months along" or something like that. Just a suggestion.
"But," Mia hesitated with an anxious note to her voice, "she's just four months along."
His expression softened, easing Mia's concern. "Angel said it's normal for your species."
And then this passage below was kind of awkward too. Only because it was established already that Jem has the powers to heal Celina. And it seems that everyone probably already knows that. So if it were me I would adjust that last sentence to something like this: "He wanted to talk to Jem about Celina. She could use his healing powers right now."
As Mia lowered Natalie down to the floor, she almost forgot the reason she came in the first place. "Oh, I almost forgot why I came by," she said eagerly. "Chester came into my room looking for Jem. He said something about Jem having the powers to heal Celina."
Anyways minor things. I really think it's fantastic!
reply by the author on 02-May-2017
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I'm jumping in a bit late on this story. I haven't read any of it but this piece but this piece really caught me. I think it's great! Very creative and drew me in. I want to know what happens next. Also very well written. I only caught one editing error and then there were two things that stood out to me as awkward. See below:
In this passage below I think you left out -would stop- her only hope...causing them to jerk would stop.
Lying in bed, Celina's body felt all wrong, both cumbersome and weightless at the same time, and her only hope was the spasms in her muscles that shot through her legs and moved into her feet, causing them to jerk. Surely I won't be like this forever, she told herself. My healing powers should be kicking in by now.
This passage below I thought was awkward because if 4 months is normal for Mia's species why would she need to be told that. Maybe Mia says "Oh, that's right. She's already four months along" or something like that. Just a suggestion.
"But," Mia hesitated with an anxious note to her voice, "she's just four months along."
His expression softened, easing Mia's concern. "Angel said it's normal for your species."
And then this passage below was kind of awkward too. Only because it was established already that Jem has the powers to heal Celina. And it seems that everyone probably already knows that. So if it were me I would adjust that last sentence to something like this: "He wanted to talk to Jem about Celina. She could use his healing powers right now."
As Mia lowered Natalie down to the floor, she almost forgot the reason she came in the first place. "Oh, I almost forgot why I came by," she said eagerly. "Chester came into my room looking for Jem. He said something about Jem having the powers to heal Celina."
Anyways minor things. I really think it's fantastic!
Comment Written 01-May-2017
reply by the author on 02-May-2017
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Thank you :)
What a great review and helpful advice. It's inspiring to get positive feedback and hear the reader really enjoyed my story. Yes, Mia, Eve (her twin sister), and Angel is a half-breed, but they were raised in the human world and are just now finding out about their species.
Jem is the Chosen Son and has inherited special powers from the Chiang-shih demon, but he did not know of his powers to heal. Chester Ewan is the only one that had knowledge of this.
Stay tuned and find out what happens next.
Thanks again my friend,
Shana :)
Comment from royowen
An excellent episode Shana. The almost shy Chester invades Jem and Mia's room looking for Jem, to say he has it within him to heal Celina of her injury. Natalie seems to have the ability to detect pregnancies and knows Mia is pregnant. Lovely, emotion communicated in today's work, Shana, the episode is a beauty, even though the plot isn't major at the moment, the fascination is still there, well done, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 01-May-2017
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An excellent episode Shana. The almost shy Chester invades Jem and Mia's room looking for Jem, to say he has it within him to heal Celina of her injury. Natalie seems to have the ability to detect pregnancies and knows Mia is pregnant. Lovely, emotion communicated in today's work, Shana, the episode is a beauty, even though the plot isn't major at the moment, the fascination is still there, well done, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 01-May-2017
reply by the author on 01-May-2017
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Thank you, Roy :)
Your inspiring words always bring me cheer, my friend.
I had fun creating Chester and the spirits of the forest. He seems to always manage to get himself into situations that reminds me of a small child. The innocence and carefree personality gives me that happy feeling.
I am blessed to have such a kind friend to encourage me the way you do.
Always your fan,
Shana :)
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Always my pleasure Shana
