Migration
Moving from fixed form to free verse (see note)31 total reviews
Comment from Rasmine
Hello :)
I really liked these lines:
when a swarm of butterflies
uprose, as if just one,
a kaleidoscope of colour.
Each one caught the light and spun,
then drifted skywards,
out of sight.
Migration had begun.
Keep writing!!
reply by the author on 01-May-2017
  |
Hello :)
I really liked these lines:
when a swarm of butterflies
uprose, as if just one,
a kaleidoscope of colour.
Each one caught the light and spun,
then drifted skywards,
out of sight.
Migration had begun.
Keep writing!!
Comment Written 01-May-2017
reply by the author on 01-May-2017
-
Very many thanks for your review, Rasmine, and for pointing out the part that appealed to you the most. Best wishes, Tony.
Comment from Janet Foor
The butterfly - a beautiful symbol of the resurrection. I loved the last lines:
yearning for migration, as do we,
to join the host,
the heavenly host,
on wings of butterflies.
Simply beautiful and yet there is great depth and power in your well chosen words.
Well done Tony
Blessings
Janet
reply by the author on 01-May-2017
 |
The butterfly - a beautiful symbol of the resurrection. I loved the last lines:
yearning for migration, as do we,
to join the host,
the heavenly host,
on wings of butterflies.
Simply beautiful and yet there is great depth and power in your well chosen words.
Well done Tony
Blessings
Janet
Comment Written 01-May-2017
reply by the author on 01-May-2017
-
Very many thanks, Janet, for this stellar review! Much appreciated! Best wishes, Tony
Comment from krys123
Cheers, Tony;
-as though it perpetuates through an eternal wisdom of imagery, your 3 delightfully written poems one in free verse, one in blank verse and finally a combination of the two all culminates to a perfected form of poetry.
-I still feel that your free verse was the one that caught me the best in terms of poetic genius on your part but not taking anything away from the other 2.
-You captured the essence of a monarch butterflies tormenting and even though it does not feel it will then shortly after it makes with the female. The beauty arises like a phoenix only to fall silently to the ground without fanfare. Your palm addresses that but in a beautiful way that life's ever ending cycle and circle of life forever perpetuates through time.
-The graceful flow of your wording makes this poem what it is is a exceptional piece of poetry written with a deluxe of imagery that is demonstratively expressive and vividly and definitively descriptive.
-Your use of enjambment makes the flow of your understanding and writing flow fluidly throughout the writing without a hiccup or a syntactical break in the meaning and understanding of this piece.
-Thank you for sharing this, Tony, and take care and have a good one wherever you can find it.
Alex
-
reply by the author on 01-May-2017
|
Cheers, Tony;
-as though it perpetuates through an eternal wisdom of imagery, your 3 delightfully written poems one in free verse, one in blank verse and finally a combination of the two all culminates to a perfected form of poetry.
-I still feel that your free verse was the one that caught me the best in terms of poetic genius on your part but not taking anything away from the other 2.
-You captured the essence of a monarch butterflies tormenting and even though it does not feel it will then shortly after it makes with the female. The beauty arises like a phoenix only to fall silently to the ground without fanfare. Your palm addresses that but in a beautiful way that life's ever ending cycle and circle of life forever perpetuates through time.
-The graceful flow of your wording makes this poem what it is is a exceptional piece of poetry written with a deluxe of imagery that is demonstratively expressive and vividly and definitively descriptive.
-Your use of enjambment makes the flow of your understanding and writing flow fluidly throughout the writing without a hiccup or a syntactical break in the meaning and understanding of this piece.
-Thank you for sharing this, Tony, and take care and have a good one wherever you can find it.
Alex
-
Comment Written 01-May-2017
reply by the author on 01-May-2017
-
I always look forward to reading your reviews, Alex, for they penetrate to the heart of what I attempt to write. Many thanks for the six stars. Always appreciated! Best wishes, Tony
-
You are so very welcome, Tony, and your writings really inspire me also in a way that you describe, express and understand life in a way that others are hard to explain and what you do it so well. Take care and have a good one my friend.
Alex
Comment from Mark Valentine
What a sublime poem! So much to love. For starters, the subject matter and the metaphor it evokes (love the term "heavenly host" - it fits the butterfly migration phenomenon so naturally). Butterfly migrations are breathtaking in their beauty and in the unfathomable science that provides the invisible blueprint for the miraculous journey.
Then there is the arc of the poem - beginning with the observation in the present, linking it back to the time of Christ, then forward again to the here and now.
The there is the psychological truth that, even things that inspire awe in the moment, can fade as we regress back to our homeostasis and experience the world as we always have. But you don't end on this pessimistic note - there is a stirring within us that speaks of hope.
A beautiful poem!
reply by the author on 01-May-2017
|
What a sublime poem! So much to love. For starters, the subject matter and the metaphor it evokes (love the term "heavenly host" - it fits the butterfly migration phenomenon so naturally). Butterfly migrations are breathtaking in their beauty and in the unfathomable science that provides the invisible blueprint for the miraculous journey.
Then there is the arc of the poem - beginning with the observation in the present, linking it back to the time of Christ, then forward again to the here and now.
The there is the psychological truth that, even things that inspire awe in the moment, can fade as we regress back to our homeostasis and experience the world as we always have. But you don't end on this pessimistic note - there is a stirring within us that speaks of hope.
A beautiful poem!
Comment Written 01-May-2017
reply by the author on 01-May-2017
-
Thank you very much, Mark. Your reviews have a way of penetrating to the heart of the matter. Much appreciated, as are the accompanying six stars. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
Migration, the movement from one place to another, may be in any course of living, or in thoughts and manifestation, as the poet shows us how it affects and how the creator gets the satisfaction out of making endeavours.
reply by the author on 01-May-2017
|
Migration, the movement from one place to another, may be in any course of living, or in thoughts and manifestation, as the poet shows us how it affects and how the creator gets the satisfaction out of making endeavours.
Comment Written 01-May-2017
reply by the author on 01-May-2017
-
Very many thanks for your kind review. Much appreciated! Tony
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Tony. I don't really know why but I prefer your version here to the others at the bottom of this post. I can understand your lines much better this way for some reason. I never did like complication in poetry. LOL. Blessings, Bob
reply by the author on 01-May-2017
|
Hi, Tony. I don't really know why but I prefer your version here to the others at the bottom of this post. I can understand your lines much better this way for some reason. I never did like complication in poetry. LOL. Blessings, Bob
Comment Written 30-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 01-May-2017
-
Very many thanks, both for your comments and for the six stars. Much appreciated. I think that, on balance, I too prefer the free verse version. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from rosehill (Wendy)
Perhaps it is the retired songstress in me but my heart was captured by the blank verse version. The free verse is also lovely, don't get me wrong, but I think my basic preferences win out. I have the same problem with Free Improvisation Jazz. I can't find anything to hang it on. I at least want a melody behind what is going on to remind me. Your butterfly floats down the page beautifully in all three forms and the comparison is well argued. I really enjoyed finding three poems when I only expected one. - Wendy
reply by the author on 01-May-2017
|
Perhaps it is the retired songstress in me but my heart was captured by the blank verse version. The free verse is also lovely, don't get me wrong, but I think my basic preferences win out. I have the same problem with Free Improvisation Jazz. I can't find anything to hang it on. I at least want a melody behind what is going on to remind me. Your butterfly floats down the page beautifully in all three forms and the comparison is well argued. I really enjoyed finding three poems when I only expected one. - Wendy
Comment Written 30-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 01-May-2017
-
Very many thanks for your comments, Wendy, and for taking the time and trouble to read all three poems. I am in three minds still!
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I was completely impressed with your poem. That's hard to do because I am not a poet myself. I normally read poems for fun, but your poem is very deep.
reply by the author on 01-May-2017
|
I was completely impressed with your poem. That's hard to do because I am not a poet myself. I normally read poems for fun, but your poem is very deep.
Comment Written 30-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 01-May-2017
-
Thanks, Barbara. I very much appreciate your review and the award of six stars for this one. Best wishes, Tony.
Comment from Just2Write
A triple crown, dear Tony. Each of your verses deserves a six, and I am allowed to give you only one for the promoted poem. I like all three poems, but each is a complement to the other. Each has its own insights, but one can see how they blend to reveal the thoughts of the writer.
The original, with its George Herbert style of ABABCC, (which is the same as the first 6 lines of a Pushkin Sonnet) is wonderful. It stirs the heart to know that even in death, the butterfly is still beautiful. The sorrow and the theme of moving from this life to the next is comforting to the souls who have felt the uncertainty of impending death. The meter here is perfect and reflects the rapturous connection to Christianity. The touch of faith is something that I have not noticed in your writing before. It is well done here and is a joyf to read.
The second look in blank verse takes on a more sombre tone, but it nonetheless expertly crafted for us to see the connection between this life and the next. The butterfly in this poem is more certainly dead. The images of cold stone and the mockery of life tug at the reader's heart. The butterfly, though beautiful, has died. It is a statement of fact. The poem takes a gentle turn to let the reader know that even in death, there is hope. Your attention to meter in this poem is stunning as are your subtle internal rhymes.
By the third look, the images of the poet have migrated to Free Verse You have a thorough understanding of what it is you wish to convey about the parable of the butterfly and man's migration from earth to heaven. It has a softer line on death,
'a flutter caught my eye,
a wing,
perhaps the ghost of one'
It touches on the fleeting tenuous tendrils of life itself, and takes us into the beauty of nature. It is a strong connection between the speaker and the creatures with whom we share the earth.
All three are reverent, and a pleasure to read and contemplate. Bravo, Tony. You have always been an exceptional poet, but I can see that under Pantygynt's tutelage you are expanding and pushing your horizons. Well done.
Rose.
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2017
|
A triple crown, dear Tony. Each of your verses deserves a six, and I am allowed to give you only one for the promoted poem. I like all three poems, but each is a complement to the other. Each has its own insights, but one can see how they blend to reveal the thoughts of the writer.
The original, with its George Herbert style of ABABCC, (which is the same as the first 6 lines of a Pushkin Sonnet) is wonderful. It stirs the heart to know that even in death, the butterfly is still beautiful. The sorrow and the theme of moving from this life to the next is comforting to the souls who have felt the uncertainty of impending death. The meter here is perfect and reflects the rapturous connection to Christianity. The touch of faith is something that I have not noticed in your writing before. It is well done here and is a joyf to read.
The second look in blank verse takes on a more sombre tone, but it nonetheless expertly crafted for us to see the connection between this life and the next. The butterfly in this poem is more certainly dead. The images of cold stone and the mockery of life tug at the reader's heart. The butterfly, though beautiful, has died. It is a statement of fact. The poem takes a gentle turn to let the reader know that even in death, there is hope. Your attention to meter in this poem is stunning as are your subtle internal rhymes.
By the third look, the images of the poet have migrated to Free Verse You have a thorough understanding of what it is you wish to convey about the parable of the butterfly and man's migration from earth to heaven. It has a softer line on death,
'a flutter caught my eye,
a wing,
perhaps the ghost of one'
It touches on the fleeting tenuous tendrils of life itself, and takes us into the beauty of nature. It is a strong connection between the speaker and the creatures with whom we share the earth.
All three are reverent, and a pleasure to read and contemplate. Bravo, Tony. You have always been an exceptional poet, but I can see that under Pantygynt's tutelage you are expanding and pushing your horizons. Well done.
Rose.
Comment Written 30-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2017
-
Dear Rose, I hadn't expected an in-depth review of all three poems - six stars as well! The icing on the cake! It's very kind of you to have taken the time to respond in this way, and much appreciated, as always. I think that this simple exercise underlines the importance of choosing the right form to convey one's words, for each different form leaves its own mark and creates its own different shades of atmosphere and meaning. Best wishes, Tony
-
Hmmm... I thought you did want a comparison review of the poems:
"Any comments on the comparative merits would be appreciated;" I liked them all well enough to do just that. Rose.
-
Yes, that is what I was after and you have done me proud. In retrospect I felt, however, that perhaps I was being a bit over-optimistic including three poems in one post and asking too much. I was delighted by your response!
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
This is well written my friend I liked the way you built this poem my favourite verse is the middle verse a very meaningful poem that I enjoyed well-done regards Jill
reply by the author on 01-May-2017
|
This is well written my friend I liked the way you built this poem my favourite verse is the middle verse a very meaningful poem that I enjoyed well-done regards Jill
Comment Written 30-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 01-May-2017
-
Very many thanks for dropping by to review, Jill. Much appreciated! Tony
