Family Poems and Stories 2010-2017
Viewing comments for Chapter 17 "Behind the Couch"...musings on us
51 total reviews
Comment from dovemarie
Dear patty, A vivid, moving portrait of how your mother must have felt without a husband and raising her kids by herself. And I can imagine you, a little girl, having crept into a secret position behind the couch, and hearing your mother crying. It's hard for little kids to realize that their parent or parents have problems that they're not sure how they're going to handle. My parents never told me how hard it was for them to pay for my dental and eyeglass bills, until I was older and they (especially my mother) threw it in my face. She had put me in a state institution at age 14 and 15 because they couldn't afford to pay, yet she yelled at me years later when was grown about how "they were trying to make us pay for it" (the institution wanted money from my parents). I never thought that was right, state facilities aren't supposed to make people pay. Maybe I'll write a story about this. Dove
reply by the author on 03-May-2017
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Dear patty, A vivid, moving portrait of how your mother must have felt without a husband and raising her kids by herself. And I can imagine you, a little girl, having crept into a secret position behind the couch, and hearing your mother crying. It's hard for little kids to realize that their parent or parents have problems that they're not sure how they're going to handle. My parents never told me how hard it was for them to pay for my dental and eyeglass bills, until I was older and they (especially my mother) threw it in my face. She had put me in a state institution at age 14 and 15 because they couldn't afford to pay, yet she yelled at me years later when was grown about how "they were trying to make us pay for it" (the institution wanted money from my parents). I never thought that was right, state facilities aren't supposed to make people pay. Maybe I'll write a story about this. Dove
Comment Written 03-May-2017
reply by the author on 03-May-2017
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Hi Dove; thank you for reading, reviewing, and sharing. I'm sorry this evoked memories of difficult times for you. Your shining stars made my day, and I'm thankful for your words,
~patty~
Comment from kathleenspalding
Well written and sad story. I imagine that would have been how her mind would work, just focusing on keeping a roof over her family's head. The guilt and rage would be unbearable, were she to let herself experience it. Only suggestion is maybe you could give'her' a name?
That's it. great job!
reply by the author on 03-May-2017
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Well written and sad story. I imagine that would have been how her mind would work, just focusing on keeping a roof over her family's head. The guilt and rage would be unbearable, were she to let herself experience it. Only suggestion is maybe you could give'her' a name?
That's it. great job!
Comment Written 03-May-2017
reply by the author on 03-May-2017
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thank you so much for reading this short story. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
~patty~
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You're welcome
Comment from Selina Stambi
I love the ending where little Patty is hiding behind the couch.
This must be a very healing journey for you, Patty.
A touching, thoughtful chapter.
Love,
Sonali xx
reply by the author on 02-May-2017
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I love the ending where little Patty is hiding behind the couch.
This must be a very healing journey for you, Patty.
A touching, thoughtful chapter.
Love,
Sonali xx
Comment Written 02-May-2017
reply by the author on 02-May-2017
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Hi Sonali; thank you so much for coming along on this journey with me. The writing of these memoirs is very healing, and allows me to close the door on my pain from the experiences,
~patty~
Comment from emptypage
Ah, Patty.
Your examination of your mother's thoughts rings true. I hate that she was hurting and that you, a little girl, felt responsible for fixing her.
Is writing cathartic for you? When I first wrote my story, I had to take breaks. I'd write 100 pages and then not touch it for a month. I always examined it with my shrink before I went back to writing. It helped her help me.
Don't push yourself. Peace.
Good work.
reply by the author on 02-May-2017
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Ah, Patty.
Your examination of your mother's thoughts rings true. I hate that she was hurting and that you, a little girl, felt responsible for fixing her.
Is writing cathartic for you? When I first wrote my story, I had to take breaks. I'd write 100 pages and then not touch it for a month. I always examined it with my shrink before I went back to writing. It helped her help me.
Don't push yourself. Peace.
Good work.
Comment Written 02-May-2017
reply by the author on 02-May-2017
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Hi Marla; its funny that you should bring up the 'break' part. I have a few vacations coming up during May and June. I think I'm going to stick to other short stories and poems until I get back. I had an appointment with my psychiatric nurse this morning and I shared the existing chapters with her - she shared your opinion. She kept them to review more thoroughly. I imagine she and my therapist will go over all of it together.
~patty~
Comment from country ranch writer
So hard to cope with a tragedy like this happening in ones house hold. Their father was supposed to be a protector of his children not an abuser. No one can say for sure why this happened or why.
reply by the author on 02-May-2017
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So hard to cope with a tragedy like this happening in ones house hold. Their father was supposed to be a protector of his children not an abuser. No one can say for sure why this happened or why.
Comment Written 02-May-2017
reply by the author on 02-May-2017
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thank you so much for your time to read and review. I totally agree with you - no one can say for sure why it happened. I only know that it did,
~patty~
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What does the other son say? Did his dad ver try to rape him
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My siblings both suffered different kinds of abuse at the hands of my father - my brother, Joe, was beaten up on a regular basis, and my sister was molested. Thank you for asking - its a good question,
~patty~
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So sorry it had to happen
Comment from Mabaker
Very well written about a taboo topic. Child abuse is such a dreadful crime with repercussions that touch every member of a household one man's filth brushes off on everyone the victim, his mother, his sister. The family have to downsize homes, where does the money come from. Sincerely Anne
reply by the author on 02-May-2017
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Very well written about a taboo topic. Child abuse is such a dreadful crime with repercussions that touch every member of a household one man's filth brushes off on everyone the victim, his mother, his sister. The family have to downsize homes, where does the money come from. Sincerely Anne
Comment Written 02-May-2017
reply by the author on 02-May-2017
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Hi Anne; thank you so much for your time to read, review, and comment. I appreciate your kind words of encouragement,
~patty~
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
Your writing is absolutely unique and wonderfully told. The beauty in the wording and the emotional way you tell the story is absolutely marvelous. You put me right there as she is sobbing on the couch
reply by the author on 02-May-2017
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Your writing is absolutely unique and wonderfully told. The beauty in the wording and the emotional way you tell the story is absolutely marvelous. You put me right there as she is sobbing on the couch
Comment Written 01-May-2017
reply by the author on 02-May-2017
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Hi Barb; thank you for reading and reviewing. Your warm words are like balm for my soul. I appreciate your kind words of encouragement,
~patty~
Comment from judiverse
As I read this, I was thinking how she could save some money by giving up smoking. Not very funny. You explain the harried mother's situation. She feels guilt, wondering if she should have been more alert t what happened to her daughter. With the husband in jail, she feels the financial responsibility. It was good of Joe to make some financial contribution. Sweet ending, with Patty comforting her mother. The scene shows their closeness. judi
reply by the author on 01-May-2017
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As I read this, I was thinking how she could save some money by giving up smoking. Not very funny. You explain the harried mother's situation. She feels guilt, wondering if she should have been more alert t what happened to her daughter. With the husband in jail, she feels the financial responsibility. It was good of Joe to make some financial contribution. Sweet ending, with Patty comforting her mother. The scene shows their closeness. judi
Comment Written 01-May-2017
reply by the author on 01-May-2017
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Hi judi; thank you so much for your time to read and review. I used to think about how much more money we would have if she didn't smoke, too. No offense taken,
~patty~
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Hi, Patty. You're very welcome. They keep raising the taxes on cigarettes around here. And it seems like it's usually those can't afford it are the ones who smoke. judi
Comment from jusylee72
What a memory. Your mother trying so hard and barely making it. She had no Idea what to do back then yet even then you were perceptive and thoughtful. Very well written. I did think it was very good.
reply by the author on 01-May-2017
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What a memory. Your mother trying so hard and barely making it. She had no Idea what to do back then yet even then you were perceptive and thoughtful. Very well written. I did think it was very good.
Comment Written 01-May-2017
reply by the author on 01-May-2017
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thank you so much for stopping by to read and review. I appreciate your kind words of encouragement,
~patty~
Comment from P. G. Simpkins
First of all I`m sorry for your loss, the picture is lovely and I`m sure she did the best she could as you stated.
I enjoyed this and it held my interest, sometimes I have skipped stories due to things that are lacking but this was written with conviction and the descriptions were well done, especially the reference to the cigarette that kept appearing.
You seemed to present the paragraphs and punctuation correctly.
I thought to myself that you sound like a polished writer and then judging by the rankings that was evident. : )
reply by the author on 01-May-2017
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First of all I`m sorry for your loss, the picture is lovely and I`m sure she did the best she could as you stated.
I enjoyed this and it held my interest, sometimes I have skipped stories due to things that are lacking but this was written with conviction and the descriptions were well done, especially the reference to the cigarette that kept appearing.
You seemed to present the paragraphs and punctuation correctly.
I thought to myself that you sound like a polished writer and then judging by the rankings that was evident. : )
Comment Written 01-May-2017
reply by the author on 01-May-2017
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thank you for your thoughtful review and your much appreciated compliment. I do my best, and I've been writing for a long time. With the help of some great teachers, and the occasional nudge from reviewers here, I feel that I do well with spelling and things grammatical in nature.
~patty~
