Perennials of War
Viewing comments for Chapter 25 "Chapter Acht part zwei"Is Anderson a gallant knight? Can he recover Shan
36 total reviews
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
Jeff turned his arm over and pointed to an area slightly above the wrist. "The man who grabbed you and Thor and Axel guarded had a tatt of a laughing tiger here. In Russian they're called Oskals, or 'Big Grin'. These tatts indicate aggression or hostility toward authorities, especially the police. The tatts are pretty much the same in both gangs. Sorry, I can't give you additional information."
"Thank you." Shana chewed on her lower lip.
Jane watched. "Dear, you look like you have other questions. Now's the time to ask. Jeff's a wealth of knowledge."
"I don't have enough information to know even what to ask." Great charactherisation, EXCELLENT writing Barbara, really fantastic and enjoyed very much, kindest regards Meia x
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2017
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Jeff turned his arm over and pointed to an area slightly above the wrist. "The man who grabbed you and Thor and Axel guarded had a tatt of a laughing tiger here. In Russian they're called Oskals, or 'Big Grin'. These tatts indicate aggression or hostility toward authorities, especially the police. The tatts are pretty much the same in both gangs. Sorry, I can't give you additional information."
"Thank you." Shana chewed on her lower lip.
Jane watched. "Dear, you look like you have other questions. Now's the time to ask. Jeff's a wealth of knowledge."
"I don't have enough information to know even what to ask." Great charactherisation, EXCELLENT writing Barbara, really fantastic and enjoyed very much, kindest regards Meia x
Comment Written 24-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2017
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Thank you for the generous review.
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
A well-paced chapter, moving the story along nicely, Barbara.
It would surely be too dangerous to retrieve the painting?
Does Shana practice the Jewish faith?
Jeff, do you know anybody who has Intel about the Russian Mafia, mainly the Odessa Mafia or the Brothers' Circle[.](?) - question mark
The next time you decide to go sightseeing(,) please give me a heads up. - add comma
"I'm very sorry(,) and thank you for your help. - and here
Helen blushed(,) and her eyes glowed. - and here
Blessings,
Margaret
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2017
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A well-paced chapter, moving the story along nicely, Barbara.
It would surely be too dangerous to retrieve the painting?
Does Shana practice the Jewish faith?
Jeff, do you know anybody who has Intel about the Russian Mafia, mainly the Odessa Mafia or the Brothers' Circle[.](?) - question mark
The next time you decide to go sightseeing(,) please give me a heads up. - add comma
"I'm very sorry(,) and thank you for your help. - and here
Helen blushed(,) and her eyes glowed. - and here
Blessings,
Margaret
Comment Written 24-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2017
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Thank you for dropping by and leaving the kind review.
Comment from mbroyles2
This chapter moves the story along very well.
I liked the information about the tattoos. The dialogue is great and it helps set the suspense.
Looking forward to reading more.
Excellent writing!
Michael
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2017
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This chapter moves the story along very well.
I liked the information about the tattoos. The dialogue is great and it helps set the suspense.
Looking forward to reading more.
Excellent writing!
Michael
Comment Written 24-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2017
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Thank you for dropping by and leaving this kind review.
Comment from Ric Myworld
Thanks for sharing another fine chapter. Oh, yes, and for the picture of the breakfast plate too, now I'm starving and off to visit Bob Evans for a quick bite. Great job. :-)
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2017
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Thanks for sharing another fine chapter. Oh, yes, and for the picture of the breakfast plate too, now I'm starving and off to visit Bob Evans for a quick bite. Great job. :-)
Comment Written 24-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2017
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LOL Thank you for the kind review. Enjoy breakfast,
Comment from rtobaygo
Good morning, Barbara
Great pace and flow. Your characters jump of the page. The dialogue between characters is casual yet focused. Enjoyed
One observation:
Shana (silenced...had to pause here) when everybody looked at her.
Take care and stay safe,
Ray
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2017
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Good morning, Barbara
Great pace and flow. Your characters jump of the page. The dialogue between characters is casual yet focused. Enjoyed
One observation:
Shana (silenced...had to pause here) when everybody looked at her.
Take care and stay safe,
Ray
Comment Written 24-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2017
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Thank you for dropping by and leaving the kind review. I will check that area.
Comment from apky
I don't think I've missed a chapter since I
started reading your story, Barbara. But I still
get a little confused especially about places. Is
it the Brighton in Britain or is there another in the US?
Bot apart from the wee little bits, I enjoy your
writing and the story as a whole. Can't wait
to see where it'll land with Shana.
Have a grand week ahead,
Apky
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2017
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I don't think I've missed a chapter since I
started reading your story, Barbara. But I still
get a little confused especially about places. Is
it the Brighton in Britain or is there another in the US?
Bot apart from the wee little bits, I enjoy your
writing and the story as a whole. Can't wait
to see where it'll land with Shana.
Have a grand week ahead,
Apky
Comment Written 24-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2017
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They are in NYC. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Sis Cat
Barbara, I am growing apprehensive over the safety of Shana when the Russian gangs of Morozov are involved. I am beginning to side with her that it might by too dangerous to retrieve the painting. When gang members start wearing bull tattoos for aggression, I know law-abiding people should steer clear of them. I am engaged with your story to see not only how the issue of the painting will be resolved, but to see if Anderson and Shana will have a romantic relationship.
Your prose is crisp and clean. The only possible problem is that you depict Anderson eating bacon. Given that she had turned to the Torah for guidance in an earlier chapter, I assume she is a practicing Jewish woman of faith. So it came as a surprise to me that she said nothing about Anderson eating bacon and may have eaten some herself. This begs the question of what type of Jewish woman is she. Is she secular and fully immersed in the Gentile world, or is she a practicing woman of the Jewish faith and tries to be in the Gentile world but not a part of it? Will her faith, assuming she practices the Jewish faith, impede her desire or willingness to have a relationship with Anderson, who only has faith in money and status? At some point the characters of Shana and Anderson may have to address these issues.
Thank you for sharing another thrilling chapter.
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2017
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Barbara, I am growing apprehensive over the safety of Shana when the Russian gangs of Morozov are involved. I am beginning to side with her that it might by too dangerous to retrieve the painting. When gang members start wearing bull tattoos for aggression, I know law-abiding people should steer clear of them. I am engaged with your story to see not only how the issue of the painting will be resolved, but to see if Anderson and Shana will have a romantic relationship.
Your prose is crisp and clean. The only possible problem is that you depict Anderson eating bacon. Given that she had turned to the Torah for guidance in an earlier chapter, I assume she is a practicing Jewish woman of faith. So it came as a surprise to me that she said nothing about Anderson eating bacon and may have eaten some herself. This begs the question of what type of Jewish woman is she. Is she secular and fully immersed in the Gentile world, or is she a practicing woman of the Jewish faith and tries to be in the Gentile world but not a part of it? Will her faith, assuming she practices the Jewish faith, impede her desire or willingness to have a relationship with Anderson, who only has faith in money and status? At some point the characters of Shana and Anderson may have to address these issues.
Thank you for sharing another thrilling chapter.
Comment Written 24-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2017
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Shana is Jewish, but is also a guest. During their first breakfast we had this issue addressed. Shana is a little around Anderson, but will earn her sea legs soon. LOL Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Jay Squires
Your research, Barbara, makes this novel tremendously authentic and relevant to Shana's search, safety, and the mystery she (and your readers)are trying to solve.
[As Jeff entered the patio, Helen set a buffet-style breakfast table.] Consider reconstructing this sentence. There are two separate actions: 1) Jeff entering the patio, and 2) Helen setting a buffet-style breakfast table. When you begin the sentence with "As" it sets up a time sequence, and in this case they don't mesh. Helen could set up the buffet AFTER he sat, but if she does it AS HE ENTERS she's gotta be moving like Mighty Mouse to get it done even before he reaches his seat.]
Jeff set down his fork and used a napkin on his mouth. [I love the smoothness of this precursor to his answer to Anderson.]
"Please go on. That's what we're here for," said Anderson. [This sentence marks the first time in quite a few character-"speaks" when you used the word "said." I'm only bringing it up to have you go back and find all the "identifying actions" you used to avoid the word "said." As a reader, I only become aware of it when the preponderance throws it in my face. You do it so well (identifying actions) and I almost hesitated to bring it up. So take it for what it's worth.]
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2017
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Your research, Barbara, makes this novel tremendously authentic and relevant to Shana's search, safety, and the mystery she (and your readers)are trying to solve.
[As Jeff entered the patio, Helen set a buffet-style breakfast table.] Consider reconstructing this sentence. There are two separate actions: 1) Jeff entering the patio, and 2) Helen setting a buffet-style breakfast table. When you begin the sentence with "As" it sets up a time sequence, and in this case they don't mesh. Helen could set up the buffet AFTER he sat, but if she does it AS HE ENTERS she's gotta be moving like Mighty Mouse to get it done even before he reaches his seat.]
Jeff set down his fork and used a napkin on his mouth. [I love the smoothness of this precursor to his answer to Anderson.]
"Please go on. That's what we're here for," said Anderson. [This sentence marks the first time in quite a few character-"speaks" when you used the word "said." I'm only bringing it up to have you go back and find all the "identifying actions" you used to avoid the word "said." As a reader, I only become aware of it when the preponderance throws it in my face. You do it so well (identifying actions) and I almost hesitated to bring it up. So take it for what it's worth.]
Comment Written 24-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2017
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I have made the suggested corrections. Thank you for dropping by and leaving the kind review.
Comment from MelB
Hi Barb, it's a great idea to look into the tattoos. I'm sure the different gangs have different ones with their meanings. This story continues to hold my interest and I look forward to the next one.
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2017
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Hi Barb, it's a great idea to look into the tattoos. I'm sure the different gangs have different ones with their meanings. This story continues to hold my interest and I look forward to the next one.
Comment Written 23-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2017
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from rama devi
Another good, well-paced chapter driven by dialog ornamented by action tags--all of which enhance characterization. Drew me in and held my attention in spite of having missed chapters. Well done!
A few minor suggestions:
*"Jeff, do you know anybody who has Intel about the Russian Mafia, mainly the Odessa Mafia or the Brothers' Circle.(?)"
* "The next time you decide to go sightseeing(,) please give me a heads up.
*
"I'm very sorry(,) and thank you for your help.
*
Helen blushed(,) and her eyes glowed.
Warmly,
rd
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2017
|
Another good, well-paced chapter driven by dialog ornamented by action tags--all of which enhance characterization. Drew me in and held my attention in spite of having missed chapters. Well done!
A few minor suggestions:
*"Jeff, do you know anybody who has Intel about the Russian Mafia, mainly the Odessa Mafia or the Brothers' Circle.(?)"
* "The next time you decide to go sightseeing(,) please give me a heads up.
*
"I'm very sorry(,) and thank you for your help.
*
Helen blushed(,) and her eyes glowed.
Warmly,
rd
Comment Written 23-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2017
-
I have made the suggested corrections. Thank you for dropping by and leaving the kind review.
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Happy to help
