Scripts
Viewing comments for Chapter 13 "I'm Going to Tell Teacher-Part III"Scripts
16 total reviews
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
A fun scrip, michael, you are a true gentleman.
How do you like living in Lancaster? My daughter lives in altadena and she works in LA.
This is a good script.
Well-written and I like the presentation.
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A fun scrip, michael, you are a true gentleman.
How do you like living in Lancaster? My daughter lives in altadena and she works in LA.
This is a good script.
Well-written and I like the presentation.
Comment Written 18-Apr-2017
Comment from Jay Squires
An entertaining script, Mikey. I didn't know you wrote scripts. But being number 2 in the ratings, just shows the location out of which I gotta remove my head and start looking around.
I only found a couple of spelling errors
He is know moved on [He is NOW moved on]
a true knight in shining armour, [in the US, Bakersfield and Lancaster, a knight's vestments are spelled ARMOR.]
Several women feint as he walks by. [Several women FAINT ...]
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An entertaining script, Mikey. I didn't know you wrote scripts. But being number 2 in the ratings, just shows the location out of which I gotta remove my head and start looking around.
I only found a couple of spelling errors
He is know moved on [He is NOW moved on]
a true knight in shining armour, [in the US, Bakersfield and Lancaster, a knight's vestments are spelled ARMOR.]
Several women feint as he walks by. [Several women FAINT ...]
Comment Written 18-Apr-2017
Comment from nordicgirl
I imagine that the people who think you are nuts is a larger group now after reading this. I, on the other hand, LOVE THIS! Totally you. I can hear your voice telling this tale and I do get it too. Sooo true. More of this please. NG
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I imagine that the people who think you are nuts is a larger group now after reading this. I, on the other hand, LOVE THIS! Totally you. I can hear your voice telling this tale and I do get it too. Sooo true. More of this please. NG
Comment Written 18-Apr-2017
Comment from Nikki-Nicole
This is a good script.
Well-written.
Nicely polished.
Great artwork: The image fits the script very well.
Thanks for sharing it.
Good luck with your future writing!
-Nicole-
Spell check: In the Recap- 'he is know moved on'- I think you meant 'he is now moved on'- Just my opinion.
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This is a good script.
Well-written.
Nicely polished.
Great artwork: The image fits the script very well.
Thanks for sharing it.
Good luck with your future writing!
-Nicole-
Spell check: In the Recap- 'he is know moved on'- I think you meant 'he is now moved on'- Just my opinion.
Comment Written 18-Apr-2017
Comment from TheWriteTeach
Hey Mikey,
Even with the recap, I was afraid I'd be lost, so I went back and read the first two parts before jumping in, here. It's always better to start from the beginning, right?
I'm not a script person. I'm one who needs the descriptive narrative, back story, secondary characters' problems braided in, the whole nine yards. However, I enjoyed this. You pulled me in and kept me interested straight through to the end. I like what you have established. God is a woman, a deceased main character is defending his actions in life. You are doing a great job of building the tension. This 'interview' gives nothing away. There is no indication (so far) of the direction it is taking - good or bad. Through previous chapters, you've made the reader care about the main character, and now the reader is invested in his outcome - hell or heaven. You've created a great cliff hanger to ensure the reader will return. You have a plot (beginning, middle, with the end in sight), inciting incident, protagonist (adult main character), antagonist ( younger main character or possibly God), and a basic theme of man vs himself. Nice job.
I noticed a couple of things:
It was a turning point though you weren't[,] and aren't[,] aware of that. (need commas where indicated)
She moved soon thereafter[,] with her family[,] to Wisconsin. (need commas where indicated)
Or is knight in shining armour the story you regale yourself with[,] too. (need comma where indicated. This is no biggie, but - did you intentionally use the British spelling 'armour' rather than 'armor?')
But[,] I wanted to. (need comma where indicated)
Guns are being fired into the air by drunken cowboys[,] and the musicians are wailing on their instruments. (need comma where indicated)
Her grey[,] ankle length dress transforms into a golden[-]sequined gown[,] flowing as though in a breeze. (need commas and hyphen where indicated)
I think you've done a super job with this, and may well have changed my thinking regarding scripts.
Suzanne
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Hey Mikey,
Even with the recap, I was afraid I'd be lost, so I went back and read the first two parts before jumping in, here. It's always better to start from the beginning, right?
I'm not a script person. I'm one who needs the descriptive narrative, back story, secondary characters' problems braided in, the whole nine yards. However, I enjoyed this. You pulled me in and kept me interested straight through to the end. I like what you have established. God is a woman, a deceased main character is defending his actions in life. You are doing a great job of building the tension. This 'interview' gives nothing away. There is no indication (so far) of the direction it is taking - good or bad. Through previous chapters, you've made the reader care about the main character, and now the reader is invested in his outcome - hell or heaven. You've created a great cliff hanger to ensure the reader will return. You have a plot (beginning, middle, with the end in sight), inciting incident, protagonist (adult main character), antagonist ( younger main character or possibly God), and a basic theme of man vs himself. Nice job.
I noticed a couple of things:
It was a turning point though you weren't[,] and aren't[,] aware of that. (need commas where indicated)
She moved soon thereafter[,] with her family[,] to Wisconsin. (need commas where indicated)
Or is knight in shining armour the story you regale yourself with[,] too. (need comma where indicated. This is no biggie, but - did you intentionally use the British spelling 'armour' rather than 'armor?')
But[,] I wanted to. (need comma where indicated)
Guns are being fired into the air by drunken cowboys[,] and the musicians are wailing on their instruments. (need comma where indicated)
Her grey[,] ankle length dress transforms into a golden[-]sequined gown[,] flowing as though in a breeze. (need commas and hyphen where indicated)
I think you've done a super job with this, and may well have changed my thinking regarding scripts.
Suzanne
Comment Written 18-Apr-2017
Comment from apky
Like the previous review where I mentioned the sensuous dance, here's what I think fits in next:
>>He slithers forward from the group who parts the way for him, repelled by the smell and sight of him. The girls recoil and hide behind each other for fear he will chose them. Dora takes pity on him. Her heart knows no limit to kindness. Even a wretch like this deserves his moment in the sun.<<
Always coming back for a good read,
Apky
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
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Like the previous review where I mentioned the sensuous dance, here's what I think fits in next:
>>He slithers forward from the group who parts the way for him, repelled by the smell and sight of him. The girls recoil and hide behind each other for fear he will chose them. Dora takes pity on him. Her heart knows no limit to kindness. Even a wretch like this deserves his moment in the sun.<<
Always coming back for a good read,
Apky
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 18-Apr-2017
Comment from Sasha
This is so wild, bizarre, fascinating, and a bit confusing so how could a simpleton like me possibly have anything to offer to improve this? It is terrific just as it is. My only concern is whether Michael gets on the train to heaven or is already in hell.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
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This is so wild, bizarre, fascinating, and a bit confusing so how could a simpleton like me possibly have anything to offer to improve this? It is terrific just as it is. My only concern is whether Michael gets on the train to heaven or is already in hell.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 18-Apr-2017
