Twist of Fate
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Fatal Beginning "Sarah can either kill or be killed like her family
17 total reviews
Comment from Sylvia Page
A horror story from the start, what a beginning! This chapter is filled with action and daring. The scenes simply came alive wanting me to continue reading only to find its end with a clever hook. Thanks for sharing.
Sylvia
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2019
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A horror story from the start, what a beginning! This chapter is filled with action and daring. The scenes simply came alive wanting me to continue reading only to find its end with a clever hook. Thanks for sharing.
Sylvia
Comment Written 12-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2019
-
Thank you so much for your fantastic six-star, it's such an honor, thank you. I'm so glad you enjoyed the story. There's plenty more excitement to come and a heck of a twist at the end.
Thank you again for your remarkable review. It means a lot to me, take care.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That was a brilliant start to your book, and what a hook to leave us with. I hope Mia and Sarah do find each other. What a comfort it would be for both of them. Now, they are both killers, what will happen next? Looking foreward to finding out!. :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2019
 |
That was a brilliant start to your book, and what a hook to leave us with. I hope Mia and Sarah do find each other. What a comfort it would be for both of them. Now, they are both killers, what will happen next? Looking foreward to finding out!. :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 12-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2019
-
Thank you so much for such an encouraging review. It means a lot coming from you. There's a lot more excitement to come and a heck of a twist at the end.
Thank you again for such a fantastic review, you made my day. Take care.
Comment from DonandVicki
A very exciting beginning to your story. I like the way that you ended the chapter, keeping the reader in suspense and wanting to read more. I will look forward to reading more soon.
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2019
|
A very exciting beginning to your story. I like the way that you ended the chapter, keeping the reader in suspense and wanting to read more. I will look forward to reading more soon.
Comment Written 11-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2019
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Thank you so much for such an encouraging review. I'm so gal you enjoyed the story. There's a lot more excitement to come. I hope you stick around, find out what happens next.
Thank you again for your kind review, take care.
Comment from KatyM
Wow, this is exciting! I just happen to want to message you about something and came across this chapter. I am guessing this is a new book you are working on? A lot of action already in the first chapter!
Now for my question...I need someone to read a story I am working on and help me with it. It is for a prompt that is due next Wednesday. I am kinda stuck and need some in put. Would you be able to look at it?
katy
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2019
|
Wow, this is exciting! I just happen to want to message you about something and came across this chapter. I am guessing this is a new book you are working on? A lot of action already in the first chapter!
Now for my question...I need someone to read a story I am working on and help me with it. It is for a prompt that is due next Wednesday. I am kinda stuck and need some in put. Would you be able to look at it?
katy
Comment Written 10-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2019
-
Thank you for your review, I'm so glad you enjoyed it. There's a lot more action to come. Sarah is determined to get justice for her family.
The story you're asking about is it the one you just pinned? If so I made a few suggestions, hopefully, they'll be helpful.
If its another story, sure I'll see what I can do.
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Yeah I just put it up there to get suggestions. It's not due until Wednesday. Thought of it when James, hubby, starts nagging. Lol I like the idea of being able to shut Kyle down. Wish I could turn James off sometimes! Lol my bad.
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Wouldn't it be nice if we could shut hubby's down remotely? Imagine how much quieter the world would be.
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AHHH, yes it would be wonderful! lol While I was taking a nap. Hubby decided to go over to his friends. I called him to see where he was going. Oh ok...no big deal. Bye....Not sure how long he will be gone. However, perhaps he will decide to go to dinner with his friend and I won't have to cook! Win win for both of us! lol laters katy
Comment from shaffer40
Exciting story, woman heroine is always good to see. I have suggested some word changes and reorganizations that might make the writing more concise and flow better. I hope they're in order; it's difficult to work with the little space provided for reviews and keep one's place, and I stopped a couple times and returned to it.
**************************************
I return home from the cemetery physically and mentally drained. I'd lost
everything that meant anything to me the day the goon pulled his
trigger.
Tense switch -- suggest: I return home from the cemetery physically and
mentally drained, having lost everything that meant anything to me
the day that goon pulled his trigger.
"Oh Lord, please take me too," I sob. As an agonizing pain continues to
lurk deep inside my being. It was like a cold, empty darkness has
seized my inner soul. This harrowing sensation seems to worsen the
closer I get to our house.
Suggest reverse order & combine[She would mention the family before
she asked that he take her too]: A cold, empty darkness seizes my
soul. "Why them, Lord?" I cry. "Why did you take my family?" I feel an
agonizing pain inside me, intensifying as I approach the house.
"Please take me too," I sob, as I open the door.
I turn to find my husband watching TV on the couch
Omit "turn" -- no indication of turning
I find my husband on the couch watching TV
They smile and then their images slowly fade away. Reality suddenly hits
me.
Suggest: They smile, but their images soon fade, and reality hits me.
I scan the room in hopes I'll see them one last time but discover their
precious memories scattered through the house instead.
Suggest: I scan the room, hoping to see them one last time, but discover
only precious memories scattered throughout the house.
"I can't do this, I just can't," I bawl. Overwhelmed with emotions, I run
through the door; a ghastly man shoves me back inside. My
exhausted body stumbles across the floor, landing against the
stairway.
The man's filthy clothes cover a small portion of his large, tattooed
body. His dark greasy hair falls well past his shoulders. The five
o'clock shadow hides a few of the numerous scars spread across his
pale, sunken face.
Suggest combine description passages: "I can't do this," I cry, overcome
with emotion. As I attempt to run through the door, a ghastly man
appears and shoves me back inside. His filthy clothes cover only
part of his massive, tattooed body, and his dark, greasy hair falls well
below his shoulders. His five-o'clock shadow hides only a few of the
scars marking his pale, sunken face.
Running over, he shoves his gun against my head. "Your husband, John
didn't make good on Katelyn's debt, so it's up to you to pay."
The man's breath was a mix of tobacco and liquor. The stench is so
appalling that it makes me gag.
"You have two choices, either pay up, or you die." He cocks his gun
and then pushes it deeper into my skull.
Suggest combine & place commas both before and after "John": He runs
over and shoves his gun against my head. "Your husband, John,
didn't make good on Katelyn's debt, so it's up to you to pay," he
snarls, his breath a disgusting combination of tobacco and liquor. He
cocks his gun and pushes it harder into my skull. "You have two
choices, pay up or die."
I realized I have three options;I can pay them what my daughter owes,
not pay and end up with my family, or I can fight like hell.
Tense change, colon rather than semicolon, & missing space before "I
can pay"
Suggest: I realize I have three options: I can pay what my daughter owes,
not pay and end up like my family, or I can fight like hell.
Through gritted teeth, I say:
Comma after "say"
My stilettos slip through a hole in the worn fabric, he doubles over in
pain.
My stilettos slip through a hole in the worn fabric, and he doubles over in
pain.
The gun flies out of his hand as his body bounces across the marble
floor. I race for the weapon; he grabs a hold of my leg as I run by.
I try to pull free but I lose my balance, plummeting face-first to the
floor. I kick him with my other heel. His head flies back; thumping
against the steps.
I reach for the gun but find I'm still too far away. I scoot forward and
try again. My fingertips graze the tip of the cold hard barrel. I start to
move closer when I feel the goon's hand squeeze my calf. I draw up
my leg and I kick him again. His head falls back; blood spurts from
his nose. I bring up both feet and kick him as hard as I can. His
muscular body crumbles to the floor. Scooping up the gun, I turn
back around.
Compress & combine, eliminate the use of "floor" to two rather than three times. Suggest:
The gun flies out of his hand as he bounces across the marble floor. I
race for the weapon, and he grabs my leg. I try to pull away and lose
my balance, falling face-first but able to kick him with my other heel.
His head flies back, thumping against the steps. Once again I reach
for the gun. As my fingertips graze the tip of the barrel, I feel the
goon's hand squeeze my calf. I draw up my leg and kick him again,
causing him to crumble to the floor, blood spurting from his nose.
I'm then able to scoop up the gun.
"No one messes with my family, no one," I scream. Something deep
inside of me snaps the second I pull the trigger. It was like a cold evil
being that had been lurking inside me finally escaped.
I pull the trigger one last time and then head towards the door.
"I'll take care of every last one of you junkies. Happy to have a new
purpose, I climb into my car.
Reorganize; add quote after "junkies". Suggest: Something inside me
snaps, and I pull the trigger. "No one messes with my family," I
scream, "no one." I pull the trigger again and head for the door. "I'll
take care of every last one of you junkies."
She didn't feel strong enough to face their questions, the rejection that'll
undoubtedly follow; so she decides to watch from afar.
Tense switch [doesn't" & comma after "follow" rather than semicolon. Suggest: She doesn't feel strong enough to face their questions or the
rejections that'll undoubtedly follow, so she decides to watch from
afar.
Mia thinks back to the last time she and Katelyn skyped as she gazes
across the lawn."I'd be happy if they'd answer just one of my
questions," Mia says into the computer screen.
Need space after "lawn."
"What, sis?" Katelyn questions.
Omit assignation; suggest just "What, Sis?"
"I think I already know. Guess Sarah and John didn't think I was worth the
extra effort." Unlike her sister, Mia's feeble health requires a lot of
care. A strict diet, special equipment, numerous trips to the
specialists. It was more than what most parents were able to give.
Close in space between "effort" and "unlike"; omit "the" before
"specialists."
Suggest: Unlike her sister, Mia's feeble health required [I think "requires"
should be past tense here] a lot of care--a strict diet, special
equipment, numerous trips to specialists, more than what most
parents were able to give.
If they could only see me now, she thinks. She has a 4.0 average at one
of the most prestigious schools in the country and she was promised
a job when she graduates in May. All of my success doesn't make up
for what John and Sarah did, discarding me at the fire station like I
was a piece of trash.
Thoughts in Italics; misplaced "only". Suggest: If only they could see me
now: a 4.0 average at one of the most prestigious schools in the
country and the promise of a job when I graduate in May. My
successes don't make up for what John and Sarah did--discarding
me at a fire station like I was a piece of trash.
Mia cries again. Suggest omit.
She recalls how the kids use to make fun of her in school. Shivering, Mia
pushes the thought aside.
Suggest: She recalls the kids making fun of her in school. Shivering, she
pushes the thought aside.
I wish Katelyn would've pushed me to confront them. Who am I kidding? I
wouldn't have told them who I was, even if we did have a chance to
meet. No, I'd hide like a coward the way I did today. She thinks back
to the chain of events that had taken place just moments ago.
Suggest reverse: She thinks back to the chain of events that had taken
place just moments ago. [Then the Italicized thoughts]
Mia starts to introduce herself; she loses her courage and quickly steps
away.
Suggest: She starts to introduce herself but loses her courage and
quickly steps away.
I wonder what it'd feel like to be wrapped in her arms, she dreamily
thinks as she glances towards the dwindling crowd. Mia pictures
herself embraced in her mom's arms. She then imagines feeling the
warmth, the love as Sarah draws her in closer. If only it could be.
Suggest not repeat "arms": She wonders how it would feel to be held in
her mom's arms. She imagines the warmth, the love, as Sarah draws
her in closer. If only it could be.
"Where's my money, Katelyn?" A deep voice asks.
Small "a" -- a deep voice asks.
Started, Mia gasps. She feels his hot breath hiss against the nape of her
neck as a sharp, pointy object digs into the center of her back.
"Startled" misspelled -- suggest omit "hiss"
Realizing she's about to scream, the intruder quickly warns; "Make a
scene and I'll slice you where you stand."
Reword; continue in Mia's POV.
Suggest: As though anticipating her scream, the intruder warns, "Make a
scene and I'll slice you where you stand."
Mia brings her right fist over her left shoulder, making contact with his
nose. The weapon lodges deeper into her skin as his head plunges
back. Mia pulls a gun from her pocket as she spins around. His long,
sharp blade slashes across her back as she turns. Mia feels a hot,
sticky liquid trickle down her skin; she pushes the sensation, the
pain from her mind.
Suggest: Mia brings her right fist over her left shoulder, making contact
with his nose. The weapon lodges deeper into her skin as his head
plunges back. She pulls a gun from her pocket as she spins around.
She feels a hot, sticky liquid trickle down her back. She pushes the
sensation, and the pain, from her mind.
"My sister is dead because of you," Mia pulls the trigger. The thug's body
thuds to the ground. She stands frozen in place as a bright red liquid
covers the tip of her shoes.
Suggest omit description of blood as "liquid"; you do so in previous
paragraph:
"My sister is dead because of you," she screams, as she pulls the trigger.
The thug's body drops to the ground. She stands over him, frozen in
place, watching his blood cover the tip of her shoes.
"She's got a gun," One of the men yells.
Small "o" -- "She's got a gun," one of the men yells.
His outburst brings her back to reality. Mia watches the attendants
scream as they run for the safety of their cars.
Suggest put her name in first sentence; "watches" not good verb for
seeing.
His outburst brings Mia back to reality. The attendants scream as they
run for the safety of their cars.
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2019
|
Exciting story, woman heroine is always good to see. I have suggested some word changes and reorganizations that might make the writing more concise and flow better. I hope they're in order; it's difficult to work with the little space provided for reviews and keep one's place, and I stopped a couple times and returned to it.
**************************************
I return home from the cemetery physically and mentally drained. I'd lost
everything that meant anything to me the day the goon pulled his
trigger.
Tense switch -- suggest: I return home from the cemetery physically and
mentally drained, having lost everything that meant anything to me
the day that goon pulled his trigger.
"Oh Lord, please take me too," I sob. As an agonizing pain continues to
lurk deep inside my being. It was like a cold, empty darkness has
seized my inner soul. This harrowing sensation seems to worsen the
closer I get to our house.
Suggest reverse order & combine[She would mention the family before
she asked that he take her too]: A cold, empty darkness seizes my
soul. "Why them, Lord?" I cry. "Why did you take my family?" I feel an
agonizing pain inside me, intensifying as I approach the house.
"Please take me too," I sob, as I open the door.
I turn to find my husband watching TV on the couch
Omit "turn" -- no indication of turning
I find my husband on the couch watching TV
They smile and then their images slowly fade away. Reality suddenly hits
me.
Suggest: They smile, but their images soon fade, and reality hits me.
I scan the room in hopes I'll see them one last time but discover their
precious memories scattered through the house instead.
Suggest: I scan the room, hoping to see them one last time, but discover
only precious memories scattered throughout the house.
"I can't do this, I just can't," I bawl. Overwhelmed with emotions, I run
through the door; a ghastly man shoves me back inside. My
exhausted body stumbles across the floor, landing against the
stairway.
The man's filthy clothes cover a small portion of his large, tattooed
body. His dark greasy hair falls well past his shoulders. The five
o'clock shadow hides a few of the numerous scars spread across his
pale, sunken face.
Suggest combine description passages: "I can't do this," I cry, overcome
with emotion. As I attempt to run through the door, a ghastly man
appears and shoves me back inside. His filthy clothes cover only
part of his massive, tattooed body, and his dark, greasy hair falls well
below his shoulders. His five-o'clock shadow hides only a few of the
scars marking his pale, sunken face.
Running over, he shoves his gun against my head. "Your husband, John
didn't make good on Katelyn's debt, so it's up to you to pay."
The man's breath was a mix of tobacco and liquor. The stench is so
appalling that it makes me gag.
"You have two choices, either pay up, or you die." He cocks his gun
and then pushes it deeper into my skull.
Suggest combine & place commas both before and after "John": He runs
over and shoves his gun against my head. "Your husband, John,
didn't make good on Katelyn's debt, so it's up to you to pay," he
snarls, his breath a disgusting combination of tobacco and liquor. He
cocks his gun and pushes it harder into my skull. "You have two
choices, pay up or die."
I realized I have three options;I can pay them what my daughter owes,
not pay and end up with my family, or I can fight like hell.
Tense change, colon rather than semicolon, & missing space before "I
can pay"
Suggest: I realize I have three options: I can pay what my daughter owes,
not pay and end up like my family, or I can fight like hell.
Through gritted teeth, I say:
Comma after "say"
My stilettos slip through a hole in the worn fabric, he doubles over in
pain.
My stilettos slip through a hole in the worn fabric, and he doubles over in
pain.
The gun flies out of his hand as his body bounces across the marble
floor. I race for the weapon; he grabs a hold of my leg as I run by.
I try to pull free but I lose my balance, plummeting face-first to the
floor. I kick him with my other heel. His head flies back; thumping
against the steps.
I reach for the gun but find I'm still too far away. I scoot forward and
try again. My fingertips graze the tip of the cold hard barrel. I start to
move closer when I feel the goon's hand squeeze my calf. I draw up
my leg and I kick him again. His head falls back; blood spurts from
his nose. I bring up both feet and kick him as hard as I can. His
muscular body crumbles to the floor. Scooping up the gun, I turn
back around.
Compress & combine, eliminate the use of "floor" to two rather than three times. Suggest:
The gun flies out of his hand as he bounces across the marble floor. I
race for the weapon, and he grabs my leg. I try to pull away and lose
my balance, falling face-first but able to kick him with my other heel.
His head flies back, thumping against the steps. Once again I reach
for the gun. As my fingertips graze the tip of the barrel, I feel the
goon's hand squeeze my calf. I draw up my leg and kick him again,
causing him to crumble to the floor, blood spurting from his nose.
I'm then able to scoop up the gun.
"No one messes with my family, no one," I scream. Something deep
inside of me snaps the second I pull the trigger. It was like a cold evil
being that had been lurking inside me finally escaped.
I pull the trigger one last time and then head towards the door.
"I'll take care of every last one of you junkies. Happy to have a new
purpose, I climb into my car.
Reorganize; add quote after "junkies". Suggest: Something inside me
snaps, and I pull the trigger. "No one messes with my family," I
scream, "no one." I pull the trigger again and head for the door. "I'll
take care of every last one of you junkies."
She didn't feel strong enough to face their questions, the rejection that'll
undoubtedly follow; so she decides to watch from afar.
Tense switch [doesn't" & comma after "follow" rather than semicolon. Suggest: She doesn't feel strong enough to face their questions or the
rejections that'll undoubtedly follow, so she decides to watch from
afar.
Mia thinks back to the last time she and Katelyn skyped as she gazes
across the lawn."I'd be happy if they'd answer just one of my
questions," Mia says into the computer screen.
Need space after "lawn."
"What, sis?" Katelyn questions.
Omit assignation; suggest just "What, Sis?"
"I think I already know. Guess Sarah and John didn't think I was worth the
extra effort." Unlike her sister, Mia's feeble health requires a lot of
care. A strict diet, special equipment, numerous trips to the
specialists. It was more than what most parents were able to give.
Close in space between "effort" and "unlike"; omit "the" before
"specialists."
Suggest: Unlike her sister, Mia's feeble health required [I think "requires"
should be past tense here] a lot of care--a strict diet, special
equipment, numerous trips to specialists, more than what most
parents were able to give.
If they could only see me now, she thinks. She has a 4.0 average at one
of the most prestigious schools in the country and she was promised
a job when she graduates in May. All of my success doesn't make up
for what John and Sarah did, discarding me at the fire station like I
was a piece of trash.
Thoughts in Italics; misplaced "only". Suggest: If only they could see me
now: a 4.0 average at one of the most prestigious schools in the
country and the promise of a job when I graduate in May. My
successes don't make up for what John and Sarah did--discarding
me at a fire station like I was a piece of trash.
Mia cries again. Suggest omit.
She recalls how the kids use to make fun of her in school. Shivering, Mia
pushes the thought aside.
Suggest: She recalls the kids making fun of her in school. Shivering, she
pushes the thought aside.
I wish Katelyn would've pushed me to confront them. Who am I kidding? I
wouldn't have told them who I was, even if we did have a chance to
meet. No, I'd hide like a coward the way I did today. She thinks back
to the chain of events that had taken place just moments ago.
Suggest reverse: She thinks back to the chain of events that had taken
place just moments ago. [Then the Italicized thoughts]
Mia starts to introduce herself; she loses her courage and quickly steps
away.
Suggest: She starts to introduce herself but loses her courage and
quickly steps away.
I wonder what it'd feel like to be wrapped in her arms, she dreamily
thinks as she glances towards the dwindling crowd. Mia pictures
herself embraced in her mom's arms. She then imagines feeling the
warmth, the love as Sarah draws her in closer. If only it could be.
Suggest not repeat "arms": She wonders how it would feel to be held in
her mom's arms. She imagines the warmth, the love, as Sarah draws
her in closer. If only it could be.
"Where's my money, Katelyn?" A deep voice asks.
Small "a" -- a deep voice asks.
Started, Mia gasps. She feels his hot breath hiss against the nape of her
neck as a sharp, pointy object digs into the center of her back.
"Startled" misspelled -- suggest omit "hiss"
Realizing she's about to scream, the intruder quickly warns; "Make a
scene and I'll slice you where you stand."
Reword; continue in Mia's POV.
Suggest: As though anticipating her scream, the intruder warns, "Make a
scene and I'll slice you where you stand."
Mia brings her right fist over her left shoulder, making contact with his
nose. The weapon lodges deeper into her skin as his head plunges
back. Mia pulls a gun from her pocket as she spins around. His long,
sharp blade slashes across her back as she turns. Mia feels a hot,
sticky liquid trickle down her skin; she pushes the sensation, the
pain from her mind.
Suggest: Mia brings her right fist over her left shoulder, making contact
with his nose. The weapon lodges deeper into her skin as his head
plunges back. She pulls a gun from her pocket as she spins around.
She feels a hot, sticky liquid trickle down her back. She pushes the
sensation, and the pain, from her mind.
"My sister is dead because of you," Mia pulls the trigger. The thug's body
thuds to the ground. She stands frozen in place as a bright red liquid
covers the tip of her shoes.
Suggest omit description of blood as "liquid"; you do so in previous
paragraph:
"My sister is dead because of you," she screams, as she pulls the trigger.
The thug's body drops to the ground. She stands over him, frozen in
place, watching his blood cover the tip of her shoes.
"She's got a gun," One of the men yells.
Small "o" -- "She's got a gun," one of the men yells.
His outburst brings her back to reality. Mia watches the attendants
scream as they run for the safety of their cars.
Suggest put her name in first sentence; "watches" not good verb for
seeing.
His outburst brings Mia back to reality. The attendants scream as they
run for the safety of their cars.
Comment Written 10-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2019
-
Thank you so much for your review and for all of your help. You're right, it does sound a lot better.
Thank you again for all your suggestions, it's always greatly appreciated, how I learn, grow as a writer, take care.
-
You're welcome Misty. I'm glad you could use the editing changes.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Tragic story, but very well written, as we say back home, it has a noun and a verb, in translation a beginning and an end. Everything comes together into a wonderful story that has sustenance, action and philosophical insight
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2019
|
Tragic story, but very well written, as we say back home, it has a noun and a verb, in translation a beginning and an end. Everything comes together into a wonderful story that has sustenance, action and philosophical insight
Comment Written 09-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2019
-
Thank you so much for reading my chapter, I'm glad you found it enjoyable as sad as the plot is.
Thank you again for your kind review, it means a lot to me, take care.
Comment from Gail Denham
Well, I am a bit confused - it's a great plot - I think. The two fights with goons are a bit alike - the kicks of the mom work, however, it sounds as if she was lucky - then Mia has much the same experience. The goons are awfully similar - perhaps someone sent to get money, one of them might be fairly well dressed and not as icky?
Anyway - you have a good story going - guess I'd make the goons less yukky - and the incidents less similar. Perhaps Mia is just stalked for a time?
Just my opinions. Good luck
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2019
|
Well, I am a bit confused - it's a great plot - I think. The two fights with goons are a bit alike - the kicks of the mom work, however, it sounds as if she was lucky - then Mia has much the same experience. The goons are awfully similar - perhaps someone sent to get money, one of them might be fairly well dressed and not as icky?
Anyway - you have a good story going - guess I'd make the goons less yukky - and the incidents less similar. Perhaps Mia is just stalked for a time?
Just my opinions. Good luck
Comment Written 09-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2019
-
Thank you so much for your review. Although I am sorry it left you so confused. The first goon was sent to collect, the second just happened to see Mia, had a bit of mistaken identity with no clue that Katelyn was dead.
Thank you again for your positive feedback and your suggestion, I will consider your ideas, take care.
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
Morning does not show the day always, thinking, acting, behaving and other's appreciation of things are different from reality, practice is beyond thought; nice taletelling; well said, well done. Liked and enjoyed the read. Keep Writing, Inspiring, Changing
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2019
|
Morning does not show the day always, thinking, acting, behaving and other's appreciation of things are different from reality, practice is beyond thought; nice taletelling; well said, well done. Liked and enjoyed the read. Keep Writing, Inspiring, Changing
Comment Written 09-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2019
-
Thank you so much for reading my chapter, I'm glad you enjoyed it. Your mind can distort reality.
Thank you again for your kind review, take care.
Comment from the13thpoet
Hello again Mistydawn. As always I have enjoyed reading your work. It was well written and engaging from start to finish. The characters and dialogue was also great. You painted vivid pictures with your words, great job!
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2019
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Hello again Mistydawn. As always I have enjoyed reading your work. It was well written and engaging from start to finish. The characters and dialogue was also great. You painted vivid pictures with your words, great job!
Comment Written 09-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2019
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Thank you so much for such a warm review, I'm so glad you enjoyed it. I wrote this last year when my daughter was battling drugs. I'm not promoting violence, southern justice and I'd never do it. I shake when I see a gun. Writing this made me feel better, fictional revenge.
Thank you again for your continuous support and encouragement, It means the world to me, take care.
Comment from Neonewman
I wouldn't want to be in those Thugs shoes at the moment, looks like they may be getting their upcoming soon. Fast paced, thrilling, well-rounded chapter.
God bless
Steve
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2019
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I wouldn't want to be in those Thugs shoes at the moment, looks like they may be getting their upcoming soon. Fast paced, thrilling, well-rounded chapter.
God bless
Steve
Comment Written 09-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2019
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Thank you so much for such a warm review, and your encouraging words. You're right, the thugs are in for it now. Sarah's thoughts are that she has nothing left to lose, which is a dangerous state of mind.
Thank you again for your review it's always greatly appreciated, take care.
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My pleasure.
