Comment from Nikki-Nicole

Excellent

'Change of Fate' is a very interesting story.
It pulls the reader in and holds them.
Nicely written.
The image is an excellent choice for this story.
Thank you for sharing it.
Good luck with your future writing!
-Nicole-

 Comment Written 07-Apr-2017

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reply by the author on 07-Apr-2017

Thank you for your great review. I'm so glad you enjoyed it. Hopefully, you'll stick around and see what Sarah has in store. All I can say is the poor goons won't know what hit them lol. The ending has a twist you'll never see coming, lol. Thanks again for your wonderful review. Happy reading, take care.

Comment from Eternal Muse

Excellent

I loved the first part of the story up to the point when the heroine shut the goon dead. Masterfully told, with a great use of dialogue and other writer's devices.

The other two parts confused me. Who is Mia? Who is Katelyn? Who is Sarah & John? Perhaps, you need to clarify this for the reader.

You have a great talent, I enjoyed reading your story.

 Comment Written 07-Apr-2017

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reply by the author on 07-Apr-2017

I'm so glad you liked the first part but saddened the second was so confusing to you. With the scenes separated you assumed they were different characters, right? I didn't think about that happening. I'll go back and fix it and again I'm sorry you was so confused.
To clear your confusion: Sarah and John are Katelyn and Mia's, parents. Katelyn and Mia are twins, Mia was given up for adoption at birth Katelyn wasn't.
Thank you again for your review and again I'm sorry I confused you. Take care.

Comment from emptypage

Good

The story is interesting, compelling. I like it.

You need to pay better attention to your grammar, though. Readers get distracted by errors.

You wrote, "This is my purpose the reason I'm here." You need a comma after "purpose."

You wrote, "Mia starts thinking back to the last time her and Katelyn skyped." SHE, not "her."

You wrote, "If only that was possible." Use WERE instead of "was."

 Comment Written 07-Apr-2017

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reply by the author on 07-Apr-2017

I'm so glad to see you again. That in itself makes my day. I'm really glad you enjoyed the story sorry for the mistakes. Guess I'll have to edit a little better next time, won't I? Wasn't you who found a mistake in a story I thought was perfect, a mistake no one else found? Maybe you should become an editor. So glad to see you again, take care.

reply by emptypage on 07-Apr-2017

I AM an editor, LOL. Writer, editor, former teacher. You write well. It will be saleable if you get the grammar down--or hire an editor to do that for you.

reply by the author on 07-Apr-2017

lol, no wonder.

reply by emptypage on 07-Apr-2017

Sorry. I get bogged down in it sometimes. But as a writer, pretty well published, I know that readers really notice such things.

reply by the author on 07-Apr-2017

Don't be sorry I'm glad you catch my mistakes because then it forces me to step up my game. That's what I need someone to push me to do better to help me grow to learn.
Just to let you know, Grammarly didn't even catch that and it's supposed to be one of the best grammar checkers.

reply by emptypage on 08-Apr-2017

Grammarly is NOT good.

reply by the author on 08-Apr-2017

Is there any that's better? As you can tell I need all the help I can get.