Comment from Sis Cat

Excellent

I can tell by your words of your katuatas that the couple is experiencing friction in their marriage. The two poems work together to answer and evade:

"How are you doing?
Did you think of me today?
Is our love in a good place?

"Here is my paycheck
I thought of you once or twice
Oh, are we on that again?"

I think that you using these poems in this form energized them. They say more together than apart.

You show your craftsmanship at words, form, and emotions.

Thank you for sharing.

 Comment Written 01-Apr-2017

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reply by the author on 02-Apr-2017

Thank you for reading and reviewing. I appreciate your comments and encouragement.
~patty~

Comment from DR DIP

Excellent

Interesting poem Patty. i think the scenario you have described in words is not uncommon with a lot of couples be them married or not, The left hand poem speaks in the woman's eyes whilst the right in the man's Is this what there relationship has come to? Thanks for sharing

dip

 Comment Written 01-Apr-2017

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reply by the author on 02-Apr-2017

Thank you for reading and reviewing. I appreciate your comments and encouragement.
~patty~

Comment from Teri7

Excellent

Patty, This is a very cute contest entry you have penned. I have not tried that format either, but it looks like you did a great job with it. I love the dialogue you used and the wording was great. Really cute art work. Best wishes in the contest! Teri

 Comment Written 01-Apr-2017

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reply by the author on 01-Apr-2017

Thank you for reading and reviewing. I appreciate your comments and encouragement.
~patty~

reply by Teri7 on 02-Apr-2017

you are so welcome

Comment from Dean Kuch

Excellent

To the best of my knowledge, Patty (which is limited, at best), the katauta is a Japanese poetic form that is actually considered an incomplete or half-poem. They are a Japanese poetic form that consists of 17 or 19 syllables, arranged in three lines of either 5, 7, and 5 or 5, 7, and 7 syllables.
The form was used exclusively as a form of communication between two lovers.
This is where the katauta form differs greatly from senryu.
So, if I'm right, it appears to me that your katauta is in perfect form, and has even been given a contemporary feel with the handing over of the man's paycheck theme, LOL.
Well done!
~Dean

 Comment Written 01-Apr-2017

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reply by the author on 01-Apr-2017

Thank you for reading and reviewing. I appreciate your comments and encouragement. I always enjoy your reviews,
~patty~

Comment from Mrs Happy Poet

Excellent

I like the way you experimented with this form in a creative way to form a good piece of poetry syllable count correct and I enjoyed well done regards Jill

 Comment Written 01-Apr-2017

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reply by the author on 01-Apr-2017

Thank you for reading and reviewing. I appreciate your comments and encouragement.
~patty~

Comment from MelB

Excellent

Hi Patty, spot on syllable count in all lines. Is our love in a good place is a great question to ask in a relationship. Cute picture and title to go with the poems.

 Comment Written 01-Apr-2017

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reply by the author on 01-Apr-2017

Thank you for reading and reviewing. I appreciate your comments and encouragement. I'm glad the poem was amusing to you.
~patty~

reply by MelB on 01-Apr-2017

You're most welcome. I enjoyed it:)

Comment from okanaganbell

Excellent

i actually liked this very much. The correlation between; What is assumed... said... and its true meaning, in someone's eyes, is quite intriguing. WHICH IS IT? OR WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? as relationships go. very good.

 Comment Written 01-Apr-2017

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reply by the author on 01-Apr-2017

Thank you for reading and reviewing. I appreciate your comments and encouragement. I'm glad the poem was amusing to you.
~patty~

Comment from patcelaw

Excellent

I do not know the format or what it would be called. I can say though that it is written well and is easy yo read and understand. Have a blessed weekend, Patty.
Patricia

 Comment Written 01-Apr-2017

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reply by the author on 01-Apr-2017

Thank you for reading and reviewing. I appreciate your comments and encouragement. I'm glad the poem was amusing to you.
~patty~

Comment from c_lucas

Excellent

Almost any relationship will fall within a pattern as it grows older. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read. There is very good imagery.

 Comment Written 01-Apr-2017

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reply by the author on 01-Apr-2017

Thank you for reading and reviewing. I appreciate your comments and encouragement. I'm glad the poem was amusing to you.
~patty~

Comment from lyenochka

Excellent

Clever use of this format to say so much between a husband/wife relationship. The wife is concerned about the love between them and the husband feels he's done his part by working for the paycheck. I read them once sequentially, then one line of each at a time. I like the conversational effect of the latter and wonder would it still be "sedoka" style to have each line of each poem share the same line visually? It's just fine as it is.

 Comment Written 01-Apr-2017

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reply by the author on 01-Apr-2017

Thank you for reading and reviewing. I appreciate your comments and encouragement. I'm glad the poem was amusing to you.
~patty~