Haiku Club Challenge Multi-Author
Viewing comments for Chapter 16 "haibun (poppy field dream)"A collection of haiku written by FanStory Poets
21 total reviews
Comment from Lu Saluna
moving is so very difficult. It stirs up so much emotion and no matter how old we get, sometimes we just want our mother.
Your haibun and haiku are so filled with sadness and fear of what is to come.
Remember, it is going to be okay. It is a good move and things will work out.
Sending you love and hugs.
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2017
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moving is so very difficult. It stirs up so much emotion and no matter how old we get, sometimes we just want our mother.
Your haibun and haiku are so filled with sadness and fear of what is to come.
Remember, it is going to be okay. It is a good move and things will work out.
Sending you love and hugs.
Comment Written 30-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2017
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Thank you, honey, you are very sweet and kind to me. I know things will work out... it's just tough right now. ;)
Comment from Joan E.
I admired the way the haibun captured the dual mood evoked by the poppy field: the focus on the "uncertainty" of life and loss of ones mother. The haiku adds another level of "fear". Well done- Joan
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2017
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I admired the way the haibun captured the dual mood evoked by the poppy field: the focus on the "uncertainty" of life and loss of ones mother. The haiku adds another level of "fear". Well done- Joan
Comment Written 30-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2017
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Thank you very much, my dear friend,
namaste,
Gypsy Haijin Sensei
Fanstory Instructor and poet
Member of the Haiku Society of America
~*~ a new haiku class every month ~*~
<>o<> Haiku 201 starts on April 5th<>o<>
~<>o<> Haiga starts on May 1st <>o<>~
Comment from l.raven
Oh Gypsy, this so broke my heart sweet girl...I am so sorry you are missing your mother so...I don't know what I would do without mine...I am so sorry you are moving....do you want to????....your poem is so very nicely written sweet one....but so sad....God Bless and all will be well...love you girl...Linda xxoo
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2017
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Oh Gypsy, this so broke my heart sweet girl...I am so sorry you are missing your mother so...I don't know what I would do without mine...I am so sorry you are moving....do you want to????....your poem is so very nicely written sweet one....but so sad....God Bless and all will be well...love you girl...Linda xxoo
Comment Written 29-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2017
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Thank you for being so compassionate and kind to me. Luv ya.
namaste,
Gypsy Haijin Sensei
Fanstory Instructor and poet
Member of the Haiku Society of America
~*~ a new haiku class every month ~*~
<>o<> Haiku 201 starts on April 5th<>o<>
~<>o<> Haiga starts on May 1st <>o<>~
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you are so welcome Gypsy...please take care of yourself...I will call soon...love ya Linda xxoo
Comment from apky
I'm so sorry I know too little about this to help you with aour question, friend. All I can say is that I do enjoy reading all you write and find whole chunks that make me reflect on my own life. Like this below?
Boxes all over the house. Four years of living safely packed in cartons. I feel like crying.
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2017
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I'm so sorry I know too little about this to help you with aour question, friend. All I can say is that I do enjoy reading all you write and find whole chunks that make me reflect on my own life. Like this below?
Boxes all over the house. Four years of living safely packed in cartons. I feel like crying.
Comment Written 29-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2017
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Thank you for taking the time to read and review my tanka. :)
namaste,
Gypsy Haijin Sensei
Fanstory Instructor and poet
Member of the Haiku Society of America
~*~ a new haiku class every month ~*~
<>o<> Haiku 201 starts on April 5th<>o<>
~<>o<> Haiga starts on May 1st <>o<>~
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
A sad write and a tribute to your Mother who will be missed, but as you say there is no turning back the clock, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2017
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A sad write and a tribute to your Mother who will be missed, but as you say there is no turning back the clock, love Dolly x
Comment Written 28-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2017
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Thank you very much, my dear friend,
namaste,
Gypsy Haijin Sensei
Fanstory Instructor and poet
Member of the Haiku Society of America
~*~ a new haiku class every month ~*~
<>o<> Haiku 201 starts on April 5th<>o<>
~<>o<> Haiga starts on May 1st <>o<>~
Comment from Dean Kuch
While preparing to move, with all of your belongings packed away in cardboard boxes which pretty much sum up your life, it can be a little stressful.
But like all seasons, this one too shall pass, and you'll get settled into your new home where you can start a fresh new batch of fond, familiar memories.
Lovely haibun, Gypsy.
Best of luck, and may you have many blessings in your new home...
~Dean
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2017
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While preparing to move, with all of your belongings packed away in cardboard boxes which pretty much sum up your life, it can be a little stressful.
But like all seasons, this one too shall pass, and you'll get settled into your new home where you can start a fresh new batch of fond, familiar memories.
Lovely haibun, Gypsy.
Best of luck, and may you have many blessings in your new home...
~Dean
Comment Written 28-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2017
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Thank you, Dean, you are very kind and I am grateful for your friendship and lovely review.
Thank you very much, my dear friend,
namaste,
Gypsy Haijin Sensei
Fanstory Instructor and poet
Member of the Haiku Society of America
~*~ a new haiku class every month ~*~
<>o<> Haiku 201 starts on April 5th<>o<>
~<>o<> Haiga starts on May 1st <>o<>~
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It's always a pleasure, Gypsy.
Comment from Father Flaps
A wonderful haibun, Gypsy. It made me remember our move in September of 2015. We bought a garden home in Saint John. We had lived in Grand Bay since our marriage in 1975, and brought up three children. So many years in the same house, stuffed into boxes marked "kitchen", "tools", "clothes", "canned goods", etc. etc. No going back, we're on a journey to something new. We left behind so many things... the memories, the neighbors, the birds, the trees, the trail through the village that I jogged for years. It's traumatic. I recall the Christmas we gave Matthew a lot of Star Wars figures and two spaceships. He is still a huge Star Wars fan at 40 years old. We still don't feel at home in the city, and we're waiting for the right house to come up for sale so we can move back to Grand Bay. We can still visit the old homestead because we sold it to our oldest son, Matthew, and his wife, Jaclyn. For us, there is a way back, but not with the same feeling. With most people who move, there is "no way back". I know what you're saying. So yes, your poem affected me.
Terrific presentation, I enjoyed listening to the birds. We miss them terribly. Especially the bravest of all, our winter friends, the chickadees.... "chickadee...dee...dee...dee"
I'm counting 5-8-3 syllables, so 16 altogether, less than the permitted 17.
Two suggestions,
"(red) poppy field dream
takes me (to) this road (to) nowhere--
no way back" ... (I think "red" is superfluous, since all poppies are red. And I'd change "to this road" to "on this road...
poppy field dream
takes me on this road to nowhere--
no way back) This would make 15 syllables.
I've said this before, I stay away from writing haiku poetry. Too many rules. But they are nice to read, especially within a haibun.
Thanks for sharing.
cheers
Kimbob
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2017
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A wonderful haibun, Gypsy. It made me remember our move in September of 2015. We bought a garden home in Saint John. We had lived in Grand Bay since our marriage in 1975, and brought up three children. So many years in the same house, stuffed into boxes marked "kitchen", "tools", "clothes", "canned goods", etc. etc. No going back, we're on a journey to something new. We left behind so many things... the memories, the neighbors, the birds, the trees, the trail through the village that I jogged for years. It's traumatic. I recall the Christmas we gave Matthew a lot of Star Wars figures and two spaceships. He is still a huge Star Wars fan at 40 years old. We still don't feel at home in the city, and we're waiting for the right house to come up for sale so we can move back to Grand Bay. We can still visit the old homestead because we sold it to our oldest son, Matthew, and his wife, Jaclyn. For us, there is a way back, but not with the same feeling. With most people who move, there is "no way back". I know what you're saying. So yes, your poem affected me.
Terrific presentation, I enjoyed listening to the birds. We miss them terribly. Especially the bravest of all, our winter friends, the chickadees.... "chickadee...dee...dee...dee"
I'm counting 5-8-3 syllables, so 16 altogether, less than the permitted 17.
Two suggestions,
"(red) poppy field dream
takes me (to) this road (to) nowhere--
no way back" ... (I think "red" is superfluous, since all poppies are red. And I'd change "to this road" to "on this road...
poppy field dream
takes me on this road to nowhere--
no way back) This would make 15 syllables.
I've said this before, I stay away from writing haiku poetry. Too many rules. But they are nice to read, especially within a haibun.
Thanks for sharing.
cheers
Kimbob
Comment Written 28-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2017
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My dear friend, Kimbob,
I adore your review. It's so personable, kind, and helpful... awesome.
Thank you for sharing your story with me. I will check my poem and make corrections. I didn't have the word 'red' originally but another reviewer recommended I included. I grew up in Spain where the poppies are red and now I live in California where the poppies are orange. oh well. I do agree with you, I should make it as succint as possible without sacrificing the meaning I am trying to convey. You got it perfectly. :)
Thank you very much, my dear friend,
namaste,
Gypsy Haijin Sensei
Fanstory Instructor and poet
Member of the Haiku Society of America
~*~ a new haiku class every month ~*~
<>o<> Haiku 201 starts on April 5th<>o<>
~<>o<> Haiga starts on May 1st <>o<>~
Comment from Rasmine
Oh, Gypsy. Your haibun made me feel like crying. I'm so sorry about your mother.
What I see is a field of poppies with a road through it. Where it goes is not known, but it may be something good along the way. See you tonight, if I remember. :)
Nice bird sounds.
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2017
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Oh, Gypsy. Your haibun made me feel like crying. I'm so sorry about your mother.
What I see is a field of poppies with a road through it. Where it goes is not known, but it may be something good along the way. See you tonight, if I remember. :)
Nice bird sounds.
Comment Written 28-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2017
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Thank you very much, my dear friend,
namaste,
Gypsy Haijin Sensei
Fanstory Instructor and poet
Member of the Haiku Society of America
~*~ a new haiku class every month ~*~
<>o<> Haiku 201 starts on April 5th<>o<>
~<>o<> Haiga starts on May 1st <>o<>~
Comment from Hitcher
Funny ! I should have read this one first... Red was already on your mind friend, ok ok, talk is cheap, I'm gonna sign up for one of your classes, you got room for me? I'm possibly off to England at the end of the month(April) my mum is not well unfortunately, Your Haiburn made me think of her : ) I'm here to learn and i think you can definitely help me move forward, and I know we will push each other ; ) So you tell me friend, which class should I start with first?
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2017
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Funny ! I should have read this one first... Red was already on your mind friend, ok ok, talk is cheap, I'm gonna sign up for one of your classes, you got room for me? I'm possibly off to England at the end of the month(April) my mum is not well unfortunately, Your Haiburn made me think of her : ) I'm here to learn and i think you can definitely help me move forward, and I know we will push each other ; ) So you tell me friend, which class should I start with first?
Comment Written 28-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2017
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I'll always have room in my classes for you. :) off to England? Lucky you :) I am sorry your mom is not feeling well. All my classes are self-contained and either one would be good. Haiku 201 would be good and if you are interested in art, the haiga class would be good too.
I am very flexible with time and on the first day of class we discuss schedules to find the best time for everyone.
Thank you very much, my dear friend,
namaste,
Gypsy Haijin Sensei
Fanstory Instructor and poet
Member of the Haiku Society of America
~*~ a new haiku class every month ~*~
<>o<> Haiku 201 starts on April 5th<>o<>
~<>o<> Haiga starts on May 1st <>o<>~
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
I love haibun and I should try writing some more, haven't written one for ages. I feel exactly as you do about my mother, too. I enjoyed your human haiku, Giddy
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2017
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I love haibun and I should try writing some more, haven't written one for ages. I feel exactly as you do about my mother, too. I enjoyed your human haiku, Giddy
Comment Written 28-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2017
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thank you, my friend,
namaste,
Gypsy Haijin Sensei
