Poetry NOOK
Viewing comments for Chapter 333 "Fantasy Garden"Eclectic style
5 total reviews
Comment from Thomas Bowling
A very good contest entry. I hope you do well. It is hard to win contests. The writing is so arbitrary. It takes skill and some luck.
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2017
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A very good contest entry. I hope you do well. It is hard to win contests. The writing is so arbitrary. It takes skill and some luck.
Comment Written 29-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2017
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Nice to hear from you again,. Yes it is hard to win contests, I have loads of penning that did not make it.........one day...........
.I am in it for the experience, and the challenge of different writing styles.
Thank you for ,your wishes, review and great stars. Trisha
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
It may be an idea to look at your presentation and punctuation on this piece.
Separating the dialogue out onto separate lines looks much better and is easier to follow.
You have punctuation missing at various points around your dialogue as well -
She mused "'I must be seeing things". - need a comma after mused.
"Hi" said a small voice "Where are YOUR wings?" - comma needed after Hi and a full stop after voice.
She answered, " Silly! People don't have wings like yours". - delete the space after the opening speech marks.
The horsefly and the bee chorused "But where can you go without wings?" - need a comma after chorused.
I liked this piece, it's very sweet.
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2017
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Hi there,
It may be an idea to look at your presentation and punctuation on this piece.
Separating the dialogue out onto separate lines looks much better and is easier to follow.
You have punctuation missing at various points around your dialogue as well -
She mused "'I must be seeing things". - need a comma after mused.
"Hi" said a small voice "Where are YOUR wings?" - comma needed after Hi and a full stop after voice.
She answered, " Silly! People don't have wings like yours". - delete the space after the opening speech marks.
The horsefly and the bee chorused "But where can you go without wings?" - need a comma after chorused.
I liked this piece, it's very sweet.
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 28-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2017
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Thanks for the advice. I was not too sure of the format. I learn something each time I write. The rest are proof reading misses. You keep me on my toes!
How do rate when you review? Is it subject preference, number of mistakes, poetic style, is the goal of the piece achieved, or overall weakness of writing? It would be help me strive for 5 or 6 stars.
I appreciate your review,
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
LOL this is a cute piece of drabble and good luck in the contest it is a cute and strong entry. No changes would I make, it is precious and a great message.
for a short piece you do not have to make extra paragraph for under 100 words if it is a one paragraph piece which yours is.
for anything over 100 words and more than one paragraph, yes it should.
It is politically correct under 100 words to do either. to make it more interesting and seem longer, you can do it now.
...even the rocking horse.
She mused, "I must be seeing things".
"Hi!" said a small voice, "Where are your wings?"
She looked in the direction of the voice, and saw a beautiful dragonfly.
She answered, "Silly! People don't have wings like yours".
The horsefly and the bee chorused, "But where can you go without wings?"
Angel said, "Everywhere! Mummy told me I have God's gift of wings. She calls them 'magination."
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2017
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LOL this is a cute piece of drabble and good luck in the contest it is a cute and strong entry. No changes would I make, it is precious and a great message.
for a short piece you do not have to make extra paragraph for under 100 words if it is a one paragraph piece which yours is.
for anything over 100 words and more than one paragraph, yes it should.
It is politically correct under 100 words to do either. to make it more interesting and seem longer, you can do it now.
...even the rocking horse.
She mused, "I must be seeing things".
"Hi!" said a small voice, "Where are your wings?"
She looked in the direction of the voice, and saw a beautiful dragonfly.
She answered, "Silly! People don't have wings like yours".
The horsefly and the bee chorused, "But where can you go without wings?"
Angel said, "Everywhere! Mummy told me I have God's gift of wings. She calls them 'magination."
Comment Written 28-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2017
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I'm grateful for the feedback rating and your opinion. The count is a little intimidating, but I will double check that again. I'm so glad you like it!
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Did I mess up and review it wrong?
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Okay, that is clearer ! Basically my choice then.
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It is under 100 words. Yours is like a paragraph but you can do either one you like. Over 100 words you need to separate lines
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I'm always grateful for you.
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No you were fine
Comment from Mustang Patty
Your drabble flash fiction entry flows well, and tells a compelling story in just a few words. You have given us the character of a child and her imagination. Thank you for sharing and good luck in the contest,
~patty~
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2017
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Your drabble flash fiction entry flows well, and tells a compelling story in just a few words. You have given us the character of a child and her imagination. Thank you for sharing and good luck in the contest,
~patty~
Comment Written 28-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2017
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Thanks - I appreciate the encouragement. Also I am honored you took the time to review and rate my Drabble
Fiction penning.Trisha
Comment from tfawcus
Yes - as all poets know, one can go anywhere on the wings of imagination. There are no limits. One of the more amazing gifts bestowed upon us by our creator.
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2017
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Yes - as all poets know, one can go anywhere on the wings of imagination. There are no limits. One of the more amazing gifts bestowed upon us by our creator.
Comment Written 28-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2017
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Thanks, I'm not sure if you are saying my Drabble is not fictional enough, or that you agree with it. Please clarify. I appreciate the review and stars. Hi there in Australia!
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Everything in the imagination is fictional - until it's acted upon - so your poem fits the bill exactly.
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Thanks very much for the reassurance. My first fiction Drabble you see !
