Dead Butterfly and Sleeping Giant
Prose poem and haiku68 total reviews
Comment from estory
I think you are getting the gist of Anderson's prose work. the key is the repetitions of words, to create a music, subtle and subterranean, like magnetism or electricity. I think if you make the prose part a little more dense, you will have the effect Anderson tried to create. focus on words like 'writing' and 'poetry' and keep repeating them in sentances more often, yet keep the flow, the meaning. the haiku part is great. super image. you have that image of life continuing, the purpose of life, even as it passes, and that last line, the confetti left behind, is like the spirit lingering after the passing of the physical. you really understand haikus, and they are getting better and more consistent. complicated images that make us think about life estory
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2017
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I think you are getting the gist of Anderson's prose work. the key is the repetitions of words, to create a music, subtle and subterranean, like magnetism or electricity. I think if you make the prose part a little more dense, you will have the effect Anderson tried to create. focus on words like 'writing' and 'poetry' and keep repeating them in sentances more often, yet keep the flow, the meaning. the haiku part is great. super image. you have that image of life continuing, the purpose of life, even as it passes, and that last line, the confetti left behind, is like the spirit lingering after the passing of the physical. you really understand haikus, and they are getting better and more consistent. complicated images that make us think about life estory
Comment Written 27-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2017
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Yes, estory, I am really enjoying reading Anderson's "Getting Lost in a City Like This." He is doing things I have not seen in prose poetry before. Rather than copy him, I will use him as a springboard for my own creations. I am reading my copy closely before I return it to the library. Thank you for your review and detailed discussion of my prose poem and for complimenting my haiku: "they are getting better and more consistent. complicated images that make us think about life."
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I can't wait to read more of your prose poetry pieces. it should be very interesting. it is a form I am also very interested in. kind of the future of poetry. My favorite poem of Anderson's is Cafeterias. I think he really captures the feel of nostalgia, of a place that held happy memories, that no longer exists. estory
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I just finished one of Anderson's books today and I am amazed by his work. I want to read and write more prose poems. Thanks.
Comment from Ulla
Wow, Andre, this is startling writing. Startling as in beautiful and emotional. Wonderful!!. Do I have to say anymore? I'm sitting back taking it all in. What a clever mother you had. Thank you. All the best. Ulla:))
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2017
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Wow, Andre, this is startling writing. Startling as in beautiful and emotional. Wonderful!!. Do I have to say anymore? I'm sitting back taking it all in. What a clever mother you had. Thank you. All the best. Ulla:))
Comment Written 27-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2017
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Oh, Ulla, yes, my mother was clever and inspired. Thank you for your glorious, six star review of my "startling writing."
Comment from mvbrooks
What a beautiful story that brings a sense of warmth and comfort. To have such a mother who believes--patiently--is such a gift. The story is a positive conversation between the writer and his audience and the poem is spot-on in capturing the heart of the story in a few words.
How exciting to have this legacy of this writing gift.
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2017
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What a beautiful story that brings a sense of warmth and comfort. To have such a mother who believes--patiently--is such a gift. The story is a positive conversation between the writer and his audience and the poem is spot-on in capturing the heart of the story in a few words.
How exciting to have this legacy of this writing gift.
Comment Written 27-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2017
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Yes, mvbrooks, having my mother and the writing legacy she gave me is a great gift. Thank you for your generous, six star review.
Comment from nuthead
Sleeping giant. A mother knows.
I think all of us have a "groaner" story from childhood. Please don't tell it again! ;o)
But your mama knew you. Her faith in you never waivered.
"She then gave me a gift subscription to Poets & Writers and died." This line made me shiver. Glad to know her gift was received as intended. To wake her sleeping giant.
Your haiku is one of the most beautiful I've read. A lovely tribute to your intuitive mother. A lovely response to her haiku.
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2017
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Sleeping giant. A mother knows.
I think all of us have a "groaner" story from childhood. Please don't tell it again! ;o)
But your mama knew you. Her faith in you never waivered.
"She then gave me a gift subscription to Poets & Writers and died." This line made me shiver. Glad to know her gift was received as intended. To wake her sleeping giant.
Your haiku is one of the most beautiful I've read. A lovely tribute to your intuitive mother. A lovely response to her haiku.
Comment Written 27-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2017
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Oh, thank you, sjharshenin, for your kind review. I am still astounded that my intuitive mother knew even before I did. Thanks also for your compliment on my haiku inspired by hers.
Comment from Rasmine
Hello, SisCat,
I'm sorry about your mom, but I bet she still sees you flying. She is just way above you know watching you soar, and not looking up as she would have done if she was still alive.
Your poem is painting a photo in my mind. :)
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2017
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Hello, SisCat,
I'm sorry about your mom, but I bet she still sees you flying. She is just way above you know watching you soar, and not looking up as she would have done if she was still alive.
Your poem is painting a photo in my mind. :)
Comment Written 27-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2017
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Oh, thank you, Rasmine , for your generous review and condolences. Yes, shi is way up above, watching me soar!
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:)
Comment from nancyrabbrose
Wow, I am so impressed both with your haibun and the notes thereafter. I am touched that your mother in her great wisdom saw the poet in you and after her death your poetry soothes your grief and gives beauty and enlightenment to your readers. Well done.
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2017
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Wow, I am so impressed both with your haibun and the notes thereafter. I am touched that your mother in her great wisdom saw the poet in you and after her death your poetry soothes your grief and gives beauty and enlightenment to your readers. Well done.
Comment Written 27-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2017
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Oh, thank you, Nancy, for your review and kind words. Yes, my mother in her great wisdom saw the poet in me. Thanks again.
Comment from TAB_that's me
This gave me goosebumps at the end. She knew - mothers do that:) And she was right.
I love the haiku ending - a nice closing to the prose.
teresa
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2017
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This gave me goosebumps at the end. She knew - mothers do that:) And she was right.
I love the haiku ending - a nice closing to the prose.
teresa
Comment Written 27-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2017
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Yes, Teresa, I am still astounded how mothers can know. Thank you for your review and report that my poem gave you goosebumps at the end.
Comment from Mark Valentine
First of all, this is a great story - content-wise. It is inspirational and speaks to so many things: parent-child relationships - the fact that they see in us what we often don't see in ourselves and that their love for us transcends the grave. It also is an uplifting affirmation that we can still bloom into what we were meant to become, even after age 40.
The brilliance is the way you tell this story. The mixture of prose poem and haiku, the childhood anecdotes, the shifting voice to address your mom directly at the end - they all mix to make this a unique structure and yet, once you read this, it's hard to imagine that this story could have been told in any other way.
I'm glad she got you that subscription.
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2017
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First of all, this is a great story - content-wise. It is inspirational and speaks to so many things: parent-child relationships - the fact that they see in us what we often don't see in ourselves and that their love for us transcends the grave. It also is an uplifting affirmation that we can still bloom into what we were meant to become, even after age 40.
The brilliance is the way you tell this story. The mixture of prose poem and haiku, the childhood anecdotes, the shifting voice to address your mom directly at the end - they all mix to make this a unique structure and yet, once you read this, it's hard to imagine that this story could have been told in any other way.
I'm glad she got you that subscription.
Comment Written 27-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2017
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Yes, Mark, I'm glad Mom got me that subscription, too! I impressed myself in the way I told this story. I even quoted her letters to me. "they all mix to make this a unique structure and yet, once you read this, it's hard to imagine that this story could have been told in any other way." Thank you for your kind and generous, six star review.
Comment from tfawcus
I can't quite make up my mind if the six stars are for the Haiku or for the prose poem preceding it! Both are equally worthy. A mother's persistence usually pays off in the end!
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2017
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I can't quite make up my mind if the six stars are for the Haiku or for the prose poem preceding it! Both are equally worthy. A mother's persistence usually pays off in the end!
Comment Written 27-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2017
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Yes, tfawcus, a mother's persistence usually pays off in the end! Thank you for your generous, six star review for both equally worthy prose poem and haiku.
Comment from Poetic Friend
Wow, Sis, I wish I could award this masterpiece a hundred stars! It is one of the best poems that I have read on Fanstory since my membership. It is well-written in prose poetry form, which is rarely written by poets on FanStory.
The significance of the butterfly, in this poem, is memorable. I previously mentioned to you that I love butterflies.
Previously, you mentioned that your parents were artists. Your mother was an artist of both words and paint/sketch. I am so glad you listened to her and became the exceptional poet you are. She is smiling in heaven, and makes her presence known each time a butterfly flies within your view.
I sm curious, do you have scribbling poems on paper scraps cluttering your house like confetti at a convention? lol
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2017
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Wow, Sis, I wish I could award this masterpiece a hundred stars! It is one of the best poems that I have read on Fanstory since my membership. It is well-written in prose poetry form, which is rarely written by poets on FanStory.
The significance of the butterfly, in this poem, is memorable. I previously mentioned to you that I love butterflies.
Previously, you mentioned that your parents were artists. Your mother was an artist of both words and paint/sketch. I am so glad you listened to her and became the exceptional poet you are. She is smiling in heaven, and makes her presence known each time a butterfly flies within your view.
I sm curious, do you have scribbling poems on paper scraps cluttering your house like confetti at a convention? lol
Comment Written 27-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2017
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Yes, Poetic Friend, if I get an idea in the middle of the night, I write them on the back of a magazine in the dark. In the morning I transfer my idea to my notebook which I carry with me at all times. This and the posting of poems online on FanStory decreases the scraps of poems cluttering the house.
Thank you for your virtual hundred stars for my "masterpiece." Yes, Mom is smiling in Heaven. Thanks.
