This is the Deep
Free verse34 total reviews
Comment from Kerry Foley Robinson
That was really a terrific poem. It had
a mysterious darkness of what lye's beneath
the sea. Wonderful write. ~Kerry~
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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That was really a terrific poem. It had
a mysterious darkness of what lye's beneath
the sea. Wonderful write. ~Kerry~
Comment Written 20-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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Many thanks, Kerry, for your review of this and for your interesting comments. I actually had in mind the death of one whose dreams had failed to materialise through lack of action ? which goes to show that what is in the mind of the poet is not necessarily what is in the mind of the reader! LOL I like the way reviews here open up different interpretations of a piece of work. All the best, Tony
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Your welcome Tony, I am sorry for the one who's dreams had failed. It is Quit something, as the variety of differences in peoples interpretations of things they read. I do apologize for mine. Kerry
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Goodness! No need to be sorry! The effect of a poem upon the reader is always more important than any intention the poet have had!
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written free verse poem, our dreams often take us to the dreadful deep where the dreams drown and get tangled with the plankton and weeds on the ocean's floor.
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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A very well-written free verse poem, our dreams often take us to the dreadful deep where the dreams drown and get tangled with the plankton and weeds on the ocean's floor.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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Many thanks, Sandra, for your review of this and for your interesting comments. I actually had in mind the death of one whose dreams had failed to materialise through lack of action ? which goes to show that what is in the mind of the poet is not necessarily what is in the mind of the reader! LOL I like the way reviews here open up different interpretations of a piece of work. All the best, Tony
Comment from nuthead
Your poetry is wonderful. This is the first free verse poem of yours I've read and it too is a lyrical delight to read, especially out loud. Such lovely sounds. The D and W and L alliteration is done well, without being overdone.
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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Your poetry is wonderful. This is the first free verse poem of yours I've read and it too is a lyrical delight to read, especially out loud. Such lovely sounds. The D and W and L alliteration is done well, without being overdone.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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Many thanks for your review of this, Shirley, and for your affirming comments about the form. All the best, Tony
Comment from rama devi
Wow! hat a masterfully crafted, unique and impacting write. Superb phonetics with all the D, P, W, S and L sounds--rolls off the tongue read aloud. So eloquent. Great word crafting and outstanding fluid flow. Especially enjoyed reading these lines aloud:
where dreams, like plankton,
swirl through weed,
the widow's weeds of dread,
Clever closing note. Ironic.
Bravo.
no nits but one (optional) suggestion for different punctuation choices to sculpt the closing more dramatically (in my opinion)...just a thought:
Dreams drowned in deed
(or lack of it)--
a loss, but lost no more.
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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Wow! hat a masterfully crafted, unique and impacting write. Superb phonetics with all the D, P, W, S and L sounds--rolls off the tongue read aloud. So eloquent. Great word crafting and outstanding fluid flow. Especially enjoyed reading these lines aloud:
where dreams, like plankton,
swirl through weed,
the widow's weeds of dread,
Clever closing note. Ironic.
Bravo.
no nits but one (optional) suggestion for different punctuation choices to sculpt the closing more dramatically (in my opinion)...just a thought:
Dreams drowned in deed
(or lack of it)--
a loss, but lost no more.
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 20-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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Many thanks, RD, for your review of this and for your helpful comments. I'm always delighted when you decide that one of my poems is worth a sixth star! All the best, Tony
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:-)))) Also delighted!
Comment from ~Dovey
Hi Tony:
The lyrical and utter poetic nature with intersperse rhymes in this piece suggest way more to me than free verse. It is absolutely beautiful. The consonance of D, W, and L make this read like a scene from a dream.
Thank you for sharing. It's completely enchanting.
Kim
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2017
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Hi Tony:
The lyrical and utter poetic nature with intersperse rhymes in this piece suggest way more to me than free verse. It is absolutely beautiful. The consonance of D, W, and L make this read like a scene from a dream.
Thank you for sharing. It's completely enchanting.
Kim
Comment Written 19-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2017
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Many thanks for your very kind review of "This is the Deep" last week, Kim. Much appreciated. Tony
Comment from Badger_29
I awarded six because of the genius clever construction, ad the mystifying double entendre` at the end, you raelly had me scratchin' for a moment, had to read it three times.
Wonderful use of colorful adjectives and fantasy seascape.
Well done,
Godspeed,
Brother Badger
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2017
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I awarded six because of the genius clever construction, ad the mystifying double entendre` at the end, you raelly had me scratchin' for a moment, had to read it three times.
Wonderful use of colorful adjectives and fantasy seascape.
Well done,
Godspeed,
Brother Badger
Comment Written 19-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2017
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Many thanks for your very kind review of "This is the Deep" last week and for the six stars. Both much appreciated. Tony
Comment from w.j.debi
Although you call this free verse, I love the meter and the occasional rhymes. The imagery is amazing. I can sense the dreams sinking down, down, down ... through the plankton and the weeds and into the dark to drown in their final home.
Your use of alliteration makes this trip over the tongue delightfully when read aloud. Excellent use of simile.
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2017
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Although you call this free verse, I love the meter and the occasional rhymes. The imagery is amazing. I can sense the dreams sinking down, down, down ... through the plankton and the weeds and into the dark to drown in their final home.
Your use of alliteration makes this trip over the tongue delightfully when read aloud. Excellent use of simile.
Comment Written 19-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2017
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Many thanks for your very kind review of "This is the Deep" last week, WJ, and for the six stars. Both much appreciated. Tony
Comment from Matoshka
I love the thought of your dreams that were lost, then found. Your words are so peaceful and serene. Your picture fit your words so well. I enjoyed the trip beneath the waves, where your lost dreams were found. Blessings
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2017
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I love the thought of your dreams that were lost, then found. Your words are so peaceful and serene. Your picture fit your words so well. I enjoyed the trip beneath the waves, where your lost dreams were found. Blessings
Comment Written 19-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2017
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Many thanks for your very kind review of "This is the Deep" last week, Matoshka, and for the six stars. Both much appreciated. Tony
Comment from Pantygynt
I like this a lot but would dispute that it is free verse. I could write a rhyme scheme on this and the iambic metre shines through the line breaks. It could be the basis of an interesting discussion in the free verse class you enquired about earlier. I do hope we can find a time acceptable to both of us.
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2017
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I like this a lot but would dispute that it is free verse. I could write a rhyme scheme on this and the iambic metre shines through the line breaks. It could be the basis of an interesting discussion in the free verse class you enquired about earlier. I do hope we can find a time acceptable to both of us.
Comment Written 19-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2017
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Yes - I'm interested in the borderline between strict form and incoherence, for I think free verse should navigate a course between.
As for the free verse course - I'm still interested and shall shortly enrol. Times may need some renegotiation towards the end of the course to take account of Summer time (26 Mar) in UK and Winter Time (2 Apr) here in Oz. I'm generally up and about by 5.30 to 6 a.m. here and find that a good time to do most of my writing. I can usually manage sometime after 7 p.m. too.
Comment from Nan Beeson
Your free verse poem, "This is the Deep" is indeed, "Deep." It takes us to the bottom of the ocean where the scavengers await the garbage cast into the sea and ravenosly feed freely upon them.
But there is much more to the the deep than that. They hold military secrets the secular world knows naught about. I say this because I have been there and have even written about them....
There is no end to life.. It keeps going on and on until man awakens to his own divinity and no longer needs to search the deep recesses of the ocean floor for answers.
It is to me -- like drowning in the vast sea and flipping over like the manta ray and showing the other side of its dual nature that hides the answer to many of the secrets of the universe.
I loved reading your poem, even though I was tempted "as usual" to go off the track because of remembrances of my own experiences in the darkest regions of the ocean floor.
I hope I am forgiven for what I have written, and if I have offended you in any way, please let me know and I will no longer review your work or put my two cents in about how they effected me, personally.
Sincerely, Nan:))
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2017
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Your free verse poem, "This is the Deep" is indeed, "Deep." It takes us to the bottom of the ocean where the scavengers await the garbage cast into the sea and ravenosly feed freely upon them.
But there is much more to the the deep than that. They hold military secrets the secular world knows naught about. I say this because I have been there and have even written about them....
There is no end to life.. It keeps going on and on until man awakens to his own divinity and no longer needs to search the deep recesses of the ocean floor for answers.
It is to me -- like drowning in the vast sea and flipping over like the manta ray and showing the other side of its dual nature that hides the answer to many of the secrets of the universe.
I loved reading your poem, even though I was tempted "as usual" to go off the track because of remembrances of my own experiences in the darkest regions of the ocean floor.
I hope I am forgiven for what I have written, and if I have offended you in any way, please let me know and I will no longer review your work or put my two cents in about how they effected me, personally.
Sincerely, Nan:))
Comment Written 19-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2017
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Very many thanks, Nan, for your in-depth review and commentary on "This is the Deep", last week. Much appreciated as always. Best wishes, Tony
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I am so pleased you liked it, Tony.... Oftentmes your poems are so deep I have to pass on them.... but this one really resonated with me.
Thank you for sharing it and hope you have a most wonderful weekend.....Nan:))
