Atomic Renga
Collaborative Linked Tanka Poetry Writing57 total reviews
Comment from Mustang Patty
With all of the news about Hong Kong and their missiles, this read reminds us of the very real dangers. The poem flows with rhythm and rhyme. You've done a good job with this one - the story rings through,
~patty~
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2017
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With all of the news about Hong Kong and their missiles, this read reminds us of the very real dangers. The poem flows with rhythm and rhyme. You've done a good job with this one - the story rings through,
~patty~
Comment Written 20-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2017
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Thank you, Patty, for your review of our renga whose story rings true for our time.
Comment from Kerry Foley Robinson
Oh my God what a tragic story that was in your notes; You poem about this was excellent. Extremely sad with a vivid picture in my mind, Great write.
~Kerry~
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2017
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Oh my God what a tragic story that was in your notes; You poem about this was excellent. Extremely sad with a vivid picture in my mind, Great write.
~Kerry~
Comment Written 20-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2017
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Oh, thank you, Kerry, your your review of our renga. As Dean and I were cowriting this he told me about people vaporized by the blast. I looked it up and sure enough I found pictures of people's and even a cat's shadow burned into walls and sidewalks by the atomic blast. The photograph of a girl vaporized mid-air while playing jump rope stunned me. I decided to use that picture instead of a photo of a woman whose kimono pattern branded her skin. Thank you for your review.
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You are very welcome, that is just so unreal-very crazy
Comment from nomi338
How terribly sad that the United States felt it necessary to slaughter all those innocent Japanese people to prevent the Japanese military from slaughtering innocent Americans. In the end it all boils down to greed, envy and lust. Three things that continue to make life on earth hell for most of the earth's inhabitants. This is a very well written piece as is all of your postings. Even though it made me feel sad, I did enjoy it.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2017
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How terribly sad that the United States felt it necessary to slaughter all those innocent Japanese people to prevent the Japanese military from slaughtering innocent Americans. In the end it all boils down to greed, envy and lust. Three things that continue to make life on earth hell for most of the earth's inhabitants. This is a very well written piece as is all of your postings. Even though it made me feel sad, I did enjoy it.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2017
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Oh, thank you, nomi338, for your review. Our renga was not supposed to make people feel happy. Some reviewers have cried. The images are so disturbing. I pray that no more atomic bombs are dropped anywhere on earth. Thanks again.
Comment from lyenochka
Great teamwork in creating a really thought-provoking, well documented collection of tankas. It is a piece of history that should not be forgotten especially when certain countries are still playing with nuclear weapons.
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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Great teamwork in creating a really thought-provoking, well documented collection of tankas. It is a piece of history that should not be forgotten especially when certain countries are still playing with nuclear weapons.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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Thank you, lyenochka, for your generous, six star review praising the teamwork of Dean and me "in creating a really thought-provoking, well documented collection of tankas."
Comment from flylikeaneagle
Sis Cat and Dean: excellent images and knowledge of war times. Imagine
being blasted and disappear by Baby. I'm sure you were having fun with Dean.
Hope this can be published to reawaken the impact of missiles. What is Korea up to with sending up missiles? Japan was heated up and destroyed lives. Well done.
flylikeaneagle
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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Sis Cat and Dean: excellent images and knowledge of war times. Imagine
being blasted and disappear by Baby. I'm sure you were having fun with Dean.
Hope this can be published to reawaken the impact of missiles. What is Korea up to with sending up missiles? Japan was heated up and destroyed lives. Well done.
flylikeaneagle
Comment Written 19-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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flylikeaneagle, I cannot imagine what it was like for a girl in Hiroshima to play jump rope with a rope tied to a fire hydrant when an atomic blast vaporized her and her rope. She did not know what hit her. No one did. As much fun as Dean and I had writing this renga, it also moved and disturbed us. I hope that never again will an atomic bomb be dropped on people. The actions and missiles of North Korea chill me. Thank you for your generous, six star review.
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
Lanterns on the water
parade past Atomic Dome--
all is still.
Sad sobs of survivors
breathe life into bobbing flames.
Such beauty in this write a well deserved six for its stark beauty Meia x
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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Lanterns on the water
parade past Atomic Dome--
all is still.
Sad sobs of survivors
breathe life into bobbing flames.
Such beauty in this write a well deserved six for its stark beauty Meia x
Comment Written 19-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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Thank you, Meia, for your generous, six star review of our Atomic Renga. In the closing tanka, I came up with the first three lines and Dean the last two lines, forming a fitting and a somber end.
Comment from Wabigoon
Sis--
ferocious poem or poems in a lot of ways. Don't know how to grade a collaboration -- I'll tell you which stanza I liked best and you can take credit for it or not:
Kimono's pattern
branded into my skin--
forever wardrobe.
Colorful weaves emblazoned
on my heart, body, and soul.
Really good.
I saw a series of, I think, huge prints out in Oakland at the Oakland Museum of Art once on Hiroshima or Nagasaki -- don't remember which, was struck enough to write a series of poems. There was an image of a wild, riderless horse in the prints and I used that throughout the poems.
Thanks. Nice collaboration. I guess some appreciation goes to Gypsy and Dean as well.
Best
Wabigoon/Jeff
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2017
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Sis--
ferocious poem or poems in a lot of ways. Don't know how to grade a collaboration -- I'll tell you which stanza I liked best and you can take credit for it or not:
Kimono's pattern
branded into my skin--
forever wardrobe.
Colorful weaves emblazoned
on my heart, body, and soul.
Really good.
I saw a series of, I think, huge prints out in Oakland at the Oakland Museum of Art once on Hiroshima or Nagasaki -- don't remember which, was struck enough to write a series of poems. There was an image of a wild, riderless horse in the prints and I used that throughout the poems.
Thanks. Nice collaboration. I guess some appreciation goes to Gypsy and Dean as well.
Best
Wabigoon/Jeff
Comment Written 19-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2017
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Jeff, both Dean and I wrote that particular stanza. He was telling me about how the blasts burned the kimono patterns into people's skin. I Google pictures and sure enough I found one of a Japanese survivor. I came up with the haiku:
Kimono's pattern
branded into my skin--
forever wardrobe
Dean finished the tanka with the lines
Colorful weaves emblazoned
on my soul
I added to it to say "on my heart, body, and soul."
I was going to use the picture of the branded woman to illustrate our renga but decided to use a picture of a girl vaporized while playing jump rope.
Thank you for your generous, six star review of our "ferocious" collaborative poem.
Comment from w.j.debi
A haunting poem that really makes the reader pause to consider what war and man's genius has contributed to the Earth. It looks like you and Dean work very well together. This is thoughtful and poignant. The artwork you chose is perfect for this piece. In fact, I studied it for several moment before reading the poem and wondered if the shadow was a ghost or not, since the fire hydrant is a shadow but their is no little girl to cast a shadow. I guess she is a ghost in a way. Horrible stuff is done in war and this is one of the worst acts ever. Your descriptions are well done in an excellent narrative voice.
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2017
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A haunting poem that really makes the reader pause to consider what war and man's genius has contributed to the Earth. It looks like you and Dean work very well together. This is thoughtful and poignant. The artwork you chose is perfect for this piece. In fact, I studied it for several moment before reading the poem and wondered if the shadow was a ghost or not, since the fire hydrant is a shadow but their is no little girl to cast a shadow. I guess she is a ghost in a way. Horrible stuff is done in war and this is one of the worst acts ever. Your descriptions are well done in an excellent narrative voice.
Comment Written 19-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2017
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Yes, w.j.debi, the image of the girl vaporized while jumping rope makes me feel nauseated. I was going to use a picture of a woman whose kimono pattern was branded into her skin, but I feel that the girl's innocence says a lot. Thank you for your generous, six star review of our poignant and haunting renga.
Comment from catch22
Hello Poet, this is such a cool poem with innovative lines and phrasing. I love the concept behind it--powerful and each tanka could stand alone if it had to. Outstanding concrete images throughout and the poem has a timely political message to it. This was a breathtaking write. Bravo!
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2017
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Hello Poet, this is such a cool poem with innovative lines and phrasing. I love the concept behind it--powerful and each tanka could stand alone if it had to. Outstanding concrete images throughout and the poem has a timely political message to it. This was a breathtaking write. Bravo!
Comment Written 19-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2017
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Thank you, catch22, for your breathtaking, six star review. Dean and I had a great time writing this renga that "has a timely political message." Thanks.
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You and Dean are very welcome. It was a pleasure.
Comment from RGstar
This one is written in the same form you recite...with speed and a certain report style.
It would be good for you to do this on stage.
Without the many conjunctions slowing it down, it was fast moving, as well, interesting.
Good write.
Best wishes.
RGstar
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2017
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This one is written in the same form you recite...with speed and a certain report style.
It would be good for you to do this on stage.
Without the many conjunctions slowing it down, it was fast moving, as well, interesting.
Good write.
Best wishes.
RGstar
Comment Written 19-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2017
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Thank you, RG, for your review. Dean and I had fun writing it over the space of an hour and a half. I wonder how this would work on stage. Thanks again.
