Atomic Renga
Collaborative Linked Tanka Poetry Writing57 total reviews
Comment from dragonpoet
This poem gives jarring images and uses new metaphors to show us the effects of the bombs on the Innocent Japanese people they were dropped on. Not all those killed were from the military. The shadow in the artwork can be the childhood lost in this bombings and can also be indicative of the kimono images burnt into the skin.
Keep writing
Joan
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2017
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This poem gives jarring images and uses new metaphors to show us the effects of the bombs on the Innocent Japanese people they were dropped on. Not all those killed were from the military. The shadow in the artwork can be the childhood lost in this bombings and can also be indicative of the kimono images burnt into the skin.
Keep writing
Joan
Comment Written 20-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2017
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Yes, Joan, Dean was telling me that vaporized people turned to shadows on walls. I looked it us and sure enough I found a picture of a girl playing jump rope when the blast occurred, vaporizing her in mid-jump. I was going to use an actual photo of a woman whose kimono's pattern burned into her skin but I decided to use the vaporized girl to represent "childhood lost." Thank you for your review of our poem which "gives jarring images and uses new metaphors to show us the effects of the bombs on the Innocent Japanese people they were dropped on."
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You're welcome. I think you made the right choice in artwork.
Joan
Comment from Mitchell Brontė
Enola Gay is a wonderful song by orchestral manoeuvres in the dark and these wonderful Tanka treats reminded me of it.
Everyone of these is an absolute treat and hard to pick a favourite but maybe the second one which accompanies your fantastic choice of artwork beautifully.
Have a great evening
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2017
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Enola Gay is a wonderful song by orchestral manoeuvres in the dark and these wonderful Tanka treats reminded me of it.
Everyone of these is an absolute treat and hard to pick a favourite but maybe the second one which accompanies your fantastic choice of artwork beautifully.
Have a great evening
Comment Written 20-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2017
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Oh, thank you, YNWA, for your generous, six star review of our tanka renga. Yes, Dean told me about the vaporized people but when I saw the picture of a girl vaporized in mid air while playing jump rope, I decided to use that picture. Thank you for your review.
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
A wonderful poem, my friend. I learned a lot I didn't know about the incident with the bomb. I didn't know about the shadow figures, for one.
I love cowriting poems. Feral from Malanda and I used to do that, and it was like you said, our work just flowed. It's a lot of fun.
Take care,
Rhonda
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2017
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A wonderful poem, my friend. I learned a lot I didn't know about the incident with the bomb. I didn't know about the shadow figures, for one.
I love cowriting poems. Feral from Malanda and I used to do that, and it was like you said, our work just flowed. It's a lot of fun.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment Written 20-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2017
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Yes, Rhonda, as Dean and I were cowriting this he told me about people vaporized by the blast. I looked it up and sure enough I found pictures of people's and even a cat's shadow burned into walls and sidewalks by the atomic blast. The photograph of a girl vaporized mid-air while playing jump rope stunned me. Yes, Dean and I enjoyed cowriting poems, "our work just flowed."
Thank you for your review.
Comment from nancyrabbrose
"bouncing words and images off of one another": how much better than the dropping of a bomb! Your poem is amazing. It vividly tells the story. You have done us all a service by picturing that horrible event, yet making an art piece of it. This kind of memorial is what we need. Thank you. Well done.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2017
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"bouncing words and images off of one another": how much better than the dropping of a bomb! Your poem is amazing. It vividly tells the story. You have done us all a service by picturing that horrible event, yet making an art piece of it. This kind of memorial is what we need. Thank you. Well done.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2017
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Oh, thank you, Nancy, for your generous, six star review. Dean and I had a lot of fun but also felt the horror of writing this renga. He was telling me about the shadows of vaporized people. I looked it up and found a picture of a girl vaporized while jump roping. Thank you for your compliment on an art piece well done.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
What a brilliant idea, and how well you both did with this. When you think how long ago this happened, and there are still horrific consequences arriving from it, it beggars belief that they are still being made. Well done the pair of you, the poem and the author's notes were so well written! :) Sandra xx
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reply by the author on 20-Mar-2017
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What a brilliant idea, and how well you both did with this. When you think how long ago this happened, and there are still horrific consequences arriving from it, it beggars belief that they are still being made. Well done the pair of you, the poem and the author's notes were so well written! :) Sandra xx
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2017
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Thank you, Sandra, for your generous review of our renga about a horrific event.
Comment from Bill O'Bier
You've got to be on the look out for engineers - they begin with sewing machines and end up with the atomic bomb. Your poem is very interesting. I like your Renga structure. I have a friend that I have written alternate sections of a short story with and it's interesting the different twists the story will take when done this way.
Bill~
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2017
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You've got to be on the look out for engineers - they begin with sewing machines and end up with the atomic bomb. Your poem is very interesting. I like your Renga structure. I have a friend that I have written alternate sections of a short story with and it's interesting the different twists the story will take when done this way.
Bill~
Comment Written 20-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2017
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Yes, Bill, Dean and I are quite pleased with the different twists we gave each other's stanzas in this renga. Thank you for your review.
Comment from Pantygynt
What a magnificent exercise to be involved in, and what a great result this tanka sequence is. Trust Dean to choose a ghastly topic buthe way the pair of you handle this is tremendous. The reference to Enola Gay and Little Boy sets the scene for an amazingly creative anti-nuclear protest. Once you realise what the picture is, you begin to appreciate the enormity of nuclear warfare. These all work as individual tankas as well as components of the whole.
Excellent accompanying notes too. Very well done. You will have to share these six stars between you - three each. Lol.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2017
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What a magnificent exercise to be involved in, and what a great result this tanka sequence is. Trust Dean to choose a ghastly topic buthe way the pair of you handle this is tremendous. The reference to Enola Gay and Little Boy sets the scene for an amazingly creative anti-nuclear protest. Once you realise what the picture is, you begin to appreciate the enormity of nuclear warfare. These all work as individual tankas as well as components of the whole.
Excellent accompanying notes too. Very well done. You will have to share these six stars between you - three each. Lol.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2017
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Yes, Pantygynt, trust Dean "to choose a ghastly topic" but, truth be told, I had just been thinking about the subject that day when he pitched the idea to me. He was afraid I would reject it, but I ran with it with him. Thank you for your generous, six star review. I wish I could have shared the stars with Dean, but I gave him a sixer for his latest solo work. Thanks again.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Wow! What an amazing suite of haiku.
You & your writing partner did an awesome job. You both were in sync with the historical & emotional impact of this event.
Each of the haiku is in perfect form. One almost forgets s/he is reading haiku. The message 'takes over.'
Excellent job. Jan
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2017
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Wow! What an amazing suite of haiku.
You & your writing partner did an awesome job. You both were in sync with the historical & emotional impact of this event.
Each of the haiku is in perfect form. One almost forgets s/he is reading haiku. The message 'takes over.'
Excellent job. Jan
Comment Written 20-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2017
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Yes, Jan, Dean and I "both were in sync with the historical & emotional impact of this event." Thank you for reviewing our renga in which "the message takes over."
Comment from dmt1967
This is a sad poem. When will people stop killing other people, I wonder? I like the flow of this poem and your structure is sound. Thank you for sharing this poem and have a great week.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2017
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This is a sad poem. When will people stop killing other people, I wonder? I like the flow of this poem and your structure is sound. Thank you for sharing this poem and have a great week.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2017
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Thank you for your review. Dean proposed the idea and structured the tankas into a narrative from bombing to aftermath.
Comment from harleyangelbrat
Your poem is very touching and heart felt. It is descriptive and expressive which makes for an interesting read. It is sad and reminds us how awful war is and leaves us praying that all war will end and there will be peace on earth. I am touched by this poem and it brought tears to my eyes. It deserves six stars and more. God bless you!
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2017
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Your poem is very touching and heart felt. It is descriptive and expressive which makes for an interesting read. It is sad and reminds us how awful war is and leaves us praying that all war will end and there will be peace on earth. I am touched by this poem and it brought tears to my eyes. It deserves six stars and more. God bless you!
Comment Written 20-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2017
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harleyangelbrat, I pray that no one will ever use an atomic bomb again. The pictures of Nagasaki and Hiroshima are horrendous. Thank you for your generous, six star review of our "very touching and heart felt" renga.
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You are very welcome. I pray there will never be one, as well. We must trust in the Lord and take no thought for tomorrow. He will take care of us. I hope you have a blessed day! Marilyn
