Atomic Renga
Collaborative Linked Tanka Poetry Writing57 total reviews
Comment from Abby Wilson-hand
what you have penned here is pretty
words really touched me mazing as this may be
I would have given you a six i9f I had one
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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what you have penned here is pretty
words really touched me mazing as this may be
I would have given you a six i9f I had one
Comment Written 21-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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Oh, thank you, Abby, for your virtual six star review for our touching poem. We appreciate it.
Comment from Bill Schott
This renga captures these world changing moments, both with the allusions to the happenings on those fateful days in the Pacific, and the stark picture of a child silouetted onto the wall.
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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This renga captures these world changing moments, both with the allusions to the happenings on those fateful days in the Pacific, and the stark picture of a child silouetted onto the wall.
Comment Written 21-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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Yes, Bill, as Dean and I were writing this, he was telling me that the atomic blasts vaporized people who left nothing behind but shadows. I looked it us and sure enough I found photographs taken of shadows of people caught outside when the bombs dropped. The shadow of the girl playing jump rope is a stark one. Thank you for your generous, six star review.
Comment from Jackarrie
Hi Sis Cat/Dean,
Together you both have written a great poem about a very tragic time in our history. People are still suffering today from that bomb in 1945. I do not think we have learned anything from past atrocities.
Interesting that the bomb was called after the boy who dropped it.
Fire breathing dragon
flames over Nagasaki--
vengeance unleashed.
Well done to both of you, Mary
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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Hi Sis Cat/Dean,
Together you both have written a great poem about a very tragic time in our history. People are still suffering today from that bomb in 1945. I do not think we have learned anything from past atrocities.
Interesting that the bomb was called after the boy who dropped it.
Fire breathing dragon
flames over Nagasaki--
vengeance unleashed.
Well done to both of you, Mary
Comment Written 21-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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Yes, Mary, not only are people still suffering today from the 1945 atomic bombs and Japan has to deal with the radiation of Fukushima, but it has to worry about North Korea and its missiles. Dean penned the haiku portion you love and I edited it by changing "flies over Nagasaki" to "flames over Nagasaki" and rearranging the word order of the last line.
Thank you for your generous, six star review. We appreciate it. Be sure to thank Dean directly when you run across his work.
Comment from Hitcher
A thoroughly engrossing read, every tanka standing alone in its own uniqueness but joined together like threads on a rope to create unison and strength. My favourite stanza if you don't mind me saying...
Radiation--
the gift that keeps on giving.
No returns, please.
One lonely man limps along,
unhappy with his purchase.
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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A thoroughly engrossing read, every tanka standing alone in its own uniqueness but joined together like threads on a rope to create unison and strength. My favourite stanza if you don't mind me saying...
Radiation--
the gift that keeps on giving.
No returns, please.
One lonely man limps along,
unhappy with his purchase.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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Yes, Hitcher, as Dean and I were writing this we talked about Nagasaki and Hiroshima. I said "Radiation--the gift that keeps on giving. No returns, please." and we decided to keep those lines. Dean added, "One lonely man limps along, unhappy with his purchase," and thus completed your favorite stanza. Thank you for your review.
Comment from ameen786
I can imagine the fun you had in composing this awesome Renga; although, a sad theme reflecting history's ultimate tragedy, each tanka is a delight to read and read again, thank you Sis.
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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I can imagine the fun you had in composing this awesome Renga; although, a sad theme reflecting history's ultimate tragedy, each tanka is a delight to read and read again, thank you Sis.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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Yes, and thank you, Dean, he proposed the subject. We had a lot of fun writing this. The sad theme also moved and disturbed us. Thank you for your generous, six star review.
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I thank you both for sharing.
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
This is a very well written renga, my friend. Thank you for the author notes which answered the questions I had. You and Dean did a great job with what could have been a boring story. Good luck in your class~Debbie
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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This is a very well written renga, my friend. Thank you for the author notes which answered the questions I had. You and Dean did a great job with what could have been a boring story. Good luck in your class~Debbie
Comment Written 20-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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Yes, Debbie, it could have been a boring story, but the more Dean encouraged me to look into it, the more fascinated I became. I had been thinking about writing about the atomic bomb for my own writing project when Dean proposed this renga theme.
Thank you for your review and compliments on our job well done.
Comment from Vijay Kumar V
Great work. It's really a skill to write so spontaneously and in a perfect flow. I love the way you have described the scenes of atomic drop.
Have a great day
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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Great work. It's really a skill to write so spontaneously and in a perfect flow. I love the way you have described the scenes of atomic drop.
Have a great day
Comment Written 20-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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Yes, Lova, writing spontaneous;y both scared and thrilled me. Historically, Japanese used to meet at taverns and tea houses and spontaneously write rengas that stretched into one hundred stanzas. You saw the results here when we followed the example of a culture. Thank you for your review.
Comment from sue133
A brilliant collaboration on a pretty horrific true story. After the first three lines, I thought it was about teenagers as young as 14 being used as human bombs in Iraq and, more recently, Turkey. But then it became clear. I had read about the vaporization leaving shadows.......... Your poem is fantastically well written and left me paralysed with the thought of what happened. The words are carefully chosen, conveying such sadness and possibly regret. 'Radiation-the gift that keeps on giving....No returns, please' has stayed with me. Congratulations to you and Dean. Susan
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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A brilliant collaboration on a pretty horrific true story. After the first three lines, I thought it was about teenagers as young as 14 being used as human bombs in Iraq and, more recently, Turkey. But then it became clear. I had read about the vaporization leaving shadows.......... Your poem is fantastically well written and left me paralysed with the thought of what happened. The words are carefully chosen, conveying such sadness and possibly regret. 'Radiation-the gift that keeps on giving....No returns, please' has stayed with me. Congratulations to you and Dean. Susan
Comment Written 20-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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Oh, thank you, Sue, and thank Dean, too, and mention this renga when you run across his work. We are quite thrilled and honored by our "brilliant collaboration." I said as a joke that line 'Radiation-the gift that keeps on giving....No returns, please' and we decided to keep it. Thank you for your review of our "fantastically well written" poem
Comment from WalkerMan
Your superb and aptly illustrated renga covers the essence of this tragedy necessary to prevent even greater loss of life, had we needed to invade Japan to end World War II in the Pacific. That little girl may have been lucky in her instantaneous demise, rather than enduring prolonged suffering as many initial survivors did. It is important to note that we could as easily have bombed Tokyo, with far greater loss of life, just as major cities like New York have been targeted since the Cold War days of the 1950s. President Truman was trying to end a war, not wipe out a country. Sadly, humanity's corrupt "elites" still benefit from war, so the threat of such horrid waste remains; and Obama increased that threat by his shameful deal with Iran's evil leaders. It is ironic that energy-poor Japan had to turn to nuclear power as a source, later suffering from radiation's effects again after the Fukushima Daiichi disaster that ultimately may poison the entire world. Even now, the people who live too close to that still-contaminated area are being told to return there to live or lose government aid, thus assuring continued needless suffering. Until humanity purges itself of corrupt leaders, there will be no end to such insane waste of life and potential for good.
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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Your superb and aptly illustrated renga covers the essence of this tragedy necessary to prevent even greater loss of life, had we needed to invade Japan to end World War II in the Pacific. That little girl may have been lucky in her instantaneous demise, rather than enduring prolonged suffering as many initial survivors did. It is important to note that we could as easily have bombed Tokyo, with far greater loss of life, just as major cities like New York have been targeted since the Cold War days of the 1950s. President Truman was trying to end a war, not wipe out a country. Sadly, humanity's corrupt "elites" still benefit from war, so the threat of such horrid waste remains; and Obama increased that threat by his shameful deal with Iran's evil leaders. It is ironic that energy-poor Japan had to turn to nuclear power as a source, later suffering from radiation's effects again after the Fukushima Daiichi disaster that ultimately may poison the entire world. Even now, the people who live too close to that still-contaminated area are being told to return there to live or lose government aid, thus assuring continued needless suffering. Until humanity purges itself of corrupt leaders, there will be no end to such insane waste of life and potential for good.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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Yes, WalkerMan, there are videos on YouTube of honey bees attempting to pollinate flowers near Fukushima. The flowers are so radioactive that the bees die right on top of them as the camera rolled.
If we had invaded Japan, the lose of life would have been higher. Ironically, our firebombing on Tokyo killed more people than died in Hiroshima and Nagasaki combined. I wish the Japanese military leaders had surrendered then, but they did not budge until we dropped Little Boy and Fat Man on them.
Thank you for your generous, six star review and detailed notes. Yes, the nuclear threat remains.
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You are welcome, Andre. Your post is both timely and important.
Indeed, and sad for all humanity as well as those bees. The people are being forced to go back to their contaminated homes because Japan fears loss of tourism and trade unless things seem "back to normal" there.
Ordinary people don't create wars -- only their corrupt, feelingless leaders (political and/or religious) do. Until we get rid of THEM, the horrors will continue. -- Mike
Comment from frierajac
This is all very interesting as a process very descriptive, and the devil in the details.
Especially the photo shoot. It seems as luck would have it though, stacked against the god concept. One could feature the bombs that fall these days everywhere
such and as the mines and other weapons like ping pong balls on mouse traps.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2017
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This is all very interesting as a process very descriptive, and the devil in the details.
Especially the photo shoot. It seems as luck would have it though, stacked against the god concept. One could feature the bombs that fall these days everywhere
such and as the mines and other weapons like ping pong balls on mouse traps.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2017
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Yes, frierajac, as Dean and I wrote this, he told me that people were vaporized by the atomic bomb. I looked it up and found photographs of people's and even a cat's shadows burned into walls and sidewalks when they were vaporized. The picture of the girl vaporized mid-air while playing jump rope stunned me. Thank you for your review of our renga.
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thank you
