The Flanders Mare
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "The Flanders Mare chapter 1"Six Months of Marriage
16 total reviews
Comment from Aussie
The Tudors are one of my favorite readings. I think she may not have been endowed with beauty, rather she had remedies that could soothe his ulcerated leg. They were going to cauterize it, can you imaging what he would have endured; hopefully passed out. The poppy was widely used in the East - that would have given him some relief. Not that he deserved it!
Well done, well written. XXK.
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2019
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The Tudors are one of my favorite readings. I think she may not have been endowed with beauty, rather she had remedies that could soothe his ulcerated leg. They were going to cauterize it, can you imaging what he would have endured; hopefully passed out. The poppy was widely used in the East - that would have given him some relief. Not that he deserved it!
Well done, well written. XXK.
Comment Written 03-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2019
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Dear Aussie, Your comments on Henry Tudor are almost universal. Everyone feels a decided antipathy towards him. Given his political needs at the time and his unslakeable appetite for women, food and constant adulation, he was at the mercy of any "advisor" who sought to feather his nest at the Crown's expense.
We who look back on the historic records fail to see the man behind the King. I agree that he wasn't much of a husband, but his betrayal of the women who put their faith in him was abysmal. I encourage you to read all the chapters of this story and judge for yourself. After all ,nothing can hurt him how, or any of his wives. But this story is about Anne of Cleves and my perception of her. I hope you enjoy it. Cheers Cass
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I enjoyed it immensely. Have you read any of Jean Plaidy books?
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Beautifully written and imaginative Cass, who would want to marry Henry after his past history! But every woman thinks they can change their man, but it never happens, I don't think she was ever crowned Queen in the end, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2019
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Beautifully written and imaginative Cass, who would want to marry Henry after his past history! But every woman thinks they can change their man, but it never happens, I don't think she was ever crowned Queen in the end, love Dolly x
Comment Written 15-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2019
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Dear Dolly. Thank you for your review and the five stars. No ,Anne of Cleves was never crowned Queen, but she triumphed in other ways. This story is a work of fiction, but I think there needs to be an account of Henry being paid back in his own coin.
That's as far as I'll go in a spoiler alert. Thanks again cheers Cass
Comment from Marlene Shinn Lewis
This first chapter has caught me, and I'm eager to read the rest! Details and flow are well crafted. My only suggestion is that we have a brief scene with Anne and Dame Domitilla parting. I need a little tear here, sniff, sniff. Heck with the laundry--keep writing!
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2019
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This first chapter has caught me, and I'm eager to read the rest! Details and flow are well crafted. My only suggestion is that we have a brief scene with Anne and Dame Domitilla parting. I need a little tear here, sniff, sniff. Heck with the laundry--keep writing!
Comment Written 15-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2019
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Dear Marlene, Thank you for your review and your comments. So, you want a bit of tear jerking do you? Hang on to your handky darling, you'll get your wish, soon enough. The story has a number of chapters, some of which have heartrending partings in them. Keep reading, there's a bit of handky stuff for you. cheers Cass
Comment from Mustang Patty
Hi, Cass,
Will you be including the part how Anne 'spit out' the first kiss Henry bestowed upon her? It is one of those points of 'lore' that is spread through different accounts.
Anne does become very skilled after Henry sets her aside as his 'sister.' She is allowed any books she wants in her household, and with little else to do, she reads extensively.
Thank you for sharing,
~MP~
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2019
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Hi, Cass,
Will you be including the part how Anne 'spit out' the first kiss Henry bestowed upon her? It is one of those points of 'lore' that is spread through different accounts.
Anne does become very skilled after Henry sets her aside as his 'sister.' She is allowed any books she wants in her household, and with little else to do, she reads extensively.
Thank you for sharing,
~MP~
Comment Written 14-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2019
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Dear Patty, Thank you for your review and the five stars. Now ,now no spoiler alerts! This is a work of fiction and as such may not be as historically exact as it might be. However Anne does come away from this experience without blemish and considerably better off than she expected. Your comments on further chapters would be greatly appreciated. cheers Cass
Comment from SLMorrical
This is very good. I can relate to Anne's apprehension of why she was picked instead of her prettier sister. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I have heard of the witch's cat before. This is a good beginning for the story. Good luck in the contest. Very well done. Keep writing.
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2019
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This is very good. I can relate to Anne's apprehension of why she was picked instead of her prettier sister. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I have heard of the witch's cat before. This is a good beginning for the story. Good luck in the contest. Very well done. Keep writing.
Comment Written 14-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2019
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Dear Friend, Thank you for your review and the five stars. Your remarks are most welcome and your admonition to "keep writing" I take to heart and will follow diligently. There areseveral chapters to follow, so if they gain the same reception as this one, it bodes well for my future as a writer of longer pieces. thanks again. cheers Cass
Comment from susand3022
Hi Cass... I feel like I keep telling this to people lately... it's my newest pet peeve... PLEASE don't apologize for the length! It isn't long! Don't you know we all really want things to be longer??? Don't you hate having to write the tiniest chapters sometimes? I love all of these series' that are being done now about that time period. I can see you do too! :)
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2019
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Hi Cass... I feel like I keep telling this to people lately... it's my newest pet peeve... PLEASE don't apologize for the length! It isn't long! Don't you know we all really want things to be longer??? Don't you hate having to write the tiniest chapters sometimes? I love all of these series' that are being done now about that time period. I can see you do too! :)
Comment Written 13-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2019
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Dear Susan, Thank you for your review and the five stars. OOps! sorry! I thought I had broken a FanStory rule about having a chapter that was longer than 1000 words. Good! 'cos the next one is 1200 words. I couldn't have broke it up if I had wanted to as one thing was closely blended in with another. Yes, I too love historical TV series, especially English ones, but Anne of Cleves has always been a favorite of mine. For years the history books portrayed her as an unattractive, thick headed German Hausfrau, but somehow I never accepted that view. Now I can say what I think. Oooh! What fun! However remember this IS a work of fiction!!!!! Cheers Cass
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Please tell me you're joking about the word count Cass... I just can't handle that on a WRITING site! How stupid would that be???
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
An interesting start to what sounds like a fascinating story. Is this Henry the 8th? I know very little of English history. I assume Anne is French, and he wants to join the two kingdoms thru marriage? Or is he the one who could not father a child and blamed all his wives? Should be fun, if he doesn't behead her. :)
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2019
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An interesting start to what sounds like a fascinating story. Is this Henry the 8th? I know very little of English history. I assume Anne is French, and he wants to join the two kingdoms thru marriage? Or is he the one who could not father a child and blamed all his wives? Should be fun, if he doesn't behead her. :)
Comment Written 13-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2019
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Dear Phyllis, Thank you for your review and the five stars. Yes this is Henry the 8th, and No Anne is not French but German. Henry has one son by his third wife Jane Seymour who died nine days after little /Edward was born. This story is about Anne of Cleves, Henry's 4th wife. It is a dynastic marriage, and also political because Anne comes from a Lutheran background as Henry is seeking to distance himself from the Church of Rome. Anne has always been portrayed as a plain featured HausFrau, whos spoke little English and amused herself with playing card games. The Anne of this story is very different. I hope you all enjoy reading about her. Cass
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Thanks for the info. Everything is always about politics, isn't it? LOL
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
Good introduction to character and setting here. Well devised in this arena.
Dame Domi,, as we called her, - delete one of the initial commas.
"Anne" she said ,fixing me with her bright, beady eyes "You have only one thing to fear when you go to England".- you need a comma before the closing speech marks after Anne. Also there should be punctuation after eyes - in this instance probably a period. If you use a comma then the second piece of dialogue needs to start lower case as it would then be continuing dialogue. The space after said should come after the comma rather than before it. It would also be a good idea to put the very end punctuation inside the speech marks.
There are many articles of punctuation missing throughout this instalment, primarily around the dialogue. There needs to be some form of punctuation before the closing speech marks every time. And as stated above, it's best to be consistent with end punctuation. Full stops/periods at the end of dialogue should really come inside speech marks as you do for question marks and so on.
"Yes " she hissed "The witch's cat's name - comma needed after Yes and full stop / period after hissed.
I would suggest going through this again looking for punctuation bits & pieces as they are distracting and can hamper the flow of the writing. There's also a lot of blank space after the post which gives the illusion of a much longer post.
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2019
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Hi there,
Good introduction to character and setting here. Well devised in this arena.
Dame Domi,, as we called her, - delete one of the initial commas.
"Anne" she said ,fixing me with her bright, beady eyes "You have only one thing to fear when you go to England".- you need a comma before the closing speech marks after Anne. Also there should be punctuation after eyes - in this instance probably a period. If you use a comma then the second piece of dialogue needs to start lower case as it would then be continuing dialogue. The space after said should come after the comma rather than before it. It would also be a good idea to put the very end punctuation inside the speech marks.
There are many articles of punctuation missing throughout this instalment, primarily around the dialogue. There needs to be some form of punctuation before the closing speech marks every time. And as stated above, it's best to be consistent with end punctuation. Full stops/periods at the end of dialogue should really come inside speech marks as you do for question marks and so on.
"Yes " she hissed "The witch's cat's name - comma needed after Yes and full stop / period after hissed.
I would suggest going through this again looking for punctuation bits & pieces as they are distracting and can hamper the flow of the writing. There's also a lot of blank space after the post which gives the illusion of a much longer post.
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 13-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2019
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Dear Girraffmang, Thank you for your thorough review and advice on my first chapter. It has been most helpful and clarified several points for me. I have gone over the whole piece and corrected where it was needed. Please feel free to comment on subsequent chapters. And if I've missed anything in this chapter please don't hesitate to let me know. The one thing I don't know how to fix is the long white tail after the chapter ends. Any suggestions or tips on how to---? My sincere thanks again cheers Cass
Comment from Shirley McLain
I enjoy your storyline and characters very much. You wrote with lots of detail which makes the minds picture clearer. I've made a few recommendations below. Have a good night. Shirley
You seem to have a format problem and it could just be the program and I have also found some double wording. There needs to be a comma after Dame Domi
Dame Domi as we called her, was a skilled apothecary and herbalist who had been in charge of Mother's still room for as long as I could remember. (Make into two sentences)
I knew she had been been in Mother's employ since before her marriage to Papa.They were devoted friends and Dame Domi was Mother's most trusted confidante.
"What might that be good Dame?" I asked politely, not wanting to offend her. (space between the two comments)
She hesitated for a moment and then said (comma) (delete space)
"Beware the witch's cat".
I realized she had had another of her "turns"so I prepared a cup of warmed wine for her and held it to her lips.
She sipped a few mouth fulls and then with a knowing look at me took the cup and drank it down. (delete space)
She knew I had added something to the wine to calm her, but as I had been her apt and obedient pupil, she trusted me implicitly.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2019
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I enjoy your storyline and characters very much. You wrote with lots of detail which makes the minds picture clearer. I've made a few recommendations below. Have a good night. Shirley
You seem to have a format problem and it could just be the program and I have also found some double wording. There needs to be a comma after Dame Domi
Dame Domi as we called her, was a skilled apothecary and herbalist who had been in charge of Mother's still room for as long as I could remember. (Make into two sentences)
I knew she had been been in Mother's employ since before her marriage to Papa.They were devoted friends and Dame Domi was Mother's most trusted confidante.
"What might that be good Dame?" I asked politely, not wanting to offend her. (space between the two comments)
She hesitated for a moment and then said (comma) (delete space)
"Beware the witch's cat".
I realized she had had another of her "turns"so I prepared a cup of warmed wine for her and held it to her lips.
She sipped a few mouth fulls and then with a knowing look at me took the cup and drank it down. (delete space)
She knew I had added something to the wine to calm her, but as I had been her apt and obedient pupil, she trusted me implicitly.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 12-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2019
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Dear Shirley, Thank you for your detailed review and the suggestions which I have acted upon. It takes another point of view sometimes to see small errors which make a great deal of difference. The things you pointed out are so obvious to me when I look at them, but I wouldn't have seen them without you having mentioned them. I look forward to your comments in the next chapters. cheers Cass
Comment from BeasPeas
Cass. This is outstanding. I enjoyed every line. Clear and interesting. I loved your descriptions and use of herbs and holistics. Ann is one of my favorites, and I do believe she was smart and clever. She managed to save herself in a dangerous atmosphere in a dangerous time. I'm looking forward to reading more. Kudos to you for a super write. Marilyn
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2019
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Cass. This is outstanding. I enjoyed every line. Clear and interesting. I loved your descriptions and use of herbs and holistics. Ann is one of my favorites, and I do believe she was smart and clever. She managed to save herself in a dangerous atmosphere in a dangerous time. I'm looking forward to reading more. Kudos to you for a super write. Marilyn
Comment Written 12-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2019
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Dear Marilyn thank you for your review and the AWESOME SIX stars. This has been a long time coming and I am very excited now it's finally "out there". This story has some raunchy parts to come, but I'll warn readers when that happens. thanks again
Cheers Cass
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Hi Cass. You're so welcome. A great story so far and I can't wait for you to post again. As I mentioned, I'm fascinated with Anne of Cleves. She was a smart lady. Marilyn
