2017 JAPANESE POETRY
Viewing comments for Chapter 14 "jisei haiku (chilled to the bone)"A collection of Japanese poetry
45 total reviews
Comment from BOO ghost
Jisei: the Japanese Death Poem Intriguing. The music has a Zen like quality to it. The tiny Thorn bird sings its death song as it thrusts its breast into a thorn doing its last death tune. Kind of like the thorn bird. Like your new gypsy image i your profile, by the way. I never heard of it called this name. It seems to be like a celebration. Life only has reincarnated from one living thing to another, perhaps, like trees have souls and swords have souls. Love the flute orchestra. this is the first of this kind I seen on fanstory. I really think it is cool. BOO may try one. This represents life and death as you written your death poem symbolizing your last moment on terrestrial earth, you hear the children's voices. This is a show stopper in my opinion. BOO!
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2017
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Jisei: the Japanese Death Poem Intriguing. The music has a Zen like quality to it. The tiny Thorn bird sings its death song as it thrusts its breast into a thorn doing its last death tune. Kind of like the thorn bird. Like your new gypsy image i your profile, by the way. I never heard of it called this name. It seems to be like a celebration. Life only has reincarnated from one living thing to another, perhaps, like trees have souls and swords have souls. Love the flute orchestra. this is the first of this kind I seen on fanstory. I really think it is cool. BOO may try one. This represents life and death as you written your death poem symbolizing your last moment on terrestrial earth, you hear the children's voices. This is a show stopper in my opinion. BOO!
Comment Written 05-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2017
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I adore your review. It's heartfelt and extremely generous. A million thanks from the bottom of my heart.
Gypsy
Comment from Hitcher
A death poem is a strange and slightly weird platform for a style of poetry but hey who am I to judgeđ??? I think you have presented a good example of the form so well done!
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reply by the author on 05-Mar-2017
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A death poem is a strange and slightly weird platform for a style of poetry but hey who am I to judgeđ??? I think you have presented a good example of the form so well done!
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Comment Written 05-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2017
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thank you
Comment from mountainwriter49
MariVal,
Well you've me with this one! I've not heard of the Japanese death poem before, so I've learned something new.
I like the sense of the haiku--seikatsu. Human. And yes, I do believe one who is dying will hear his/her children's laughter and see their faces before they pass through life's portal.
May I offer you some friendly suggestions?
I truly think two lines should be grammatically connected. What about:
chilled to the bone
as I lie on my empty bed
The satori is perfect and evokes emotive impact in a very strong manner. Gut wrenching almost (that's a Southern term :-)) For me, this haiku conveys a strong sense of sabi.
Well penned, MariVal,
Ray
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2017
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MariVal,
Well you've me with this one! I've not heard of the Japanese death poem before, so I've learned something new.
I like the sense of the haiku--seikatsu. Human. And yes, I do believe one who is dying will hear his/her children's laughter and see their faces before they pass through life's portal.
May I offer you some friendly suggestions?
I truly think two lines should be grammatically connected. What about:
chilled to the bone
as I lie on my empty bed
The satori is perfect and evokes emotive impact in a very strong manner. Gut wrenching almost (that's a Southern term :-)) For me, this haiku conveys a strong sense of sabi.
Well penned, MariVal,
Ray
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 05-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2017
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Thank you very much, Ray, you are so kind. I will check the phrase. I didn't know this haiku form until Dean Kuch brought it up to my attention. I have researched the form before writing this haiku and I find it fascinating.
I know you are having a hard time reading so I appreciate your review even more. Thank you
Gypsy
Comment from Kerry Foley Robinson
That was incredibly done, absolutely fabulous. I loved the Erie music added in.
The pictures both were superb choices. I enjoyed the story in your notes about the Jisei; followed by the traditional ones. I read them all several times; quit mesmerizing with the music.
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2017
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That was incredibly done, absolutely fabulous. I loved the Erie music added in.
The pictures both were superb choices. I enjoyed the story in your notes about the Jisei; followed by the traditional ones. I read them all several times; quit mesmerizing with the music.
Comment Written 05-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2017
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Thank you very much, Kerry, you are so kind. I love the pretty six stars. I didn't know this haiku form until Dean Kuch brought it up to my attention. I have researched the form before writing this haiku and I find it fascinating.
Gypsy
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It is extremely fascinating. And your most welcome. I thank you for the insight into theses fantastic writes.
Comment from Lu Saluna
Oh wow, this is very good. Death mask and all. The music is even very mournful.
Thank you for all the wonderful examples of Jisei: the Japanese Death Poem
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2017
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Oh wow, this is very good. Death mask and all. The music is even very mournful.
Thank you for all the wonderful examples of Jisei: the Japanese Death Poem
Comment Written 05-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2017
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Thank you very much, Lura Lay (I know that is not your name but I could not resist LOL), you are so kind. I didn't know this haiku form until Dean Kuch brought it up to my attention. I have researched the form before writing this haiku and I find it fascinating. The six pretty stars bring joy sparks to my heart.
Gypsy
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Your research paid off. I often do a great deal of research as well. I know of many gods and goddesses but do not know the gritty details or at least not enough to write a sufficient poem about them. Often I research for several hours for every hour I write poetry on a specific topic of detail like a god. Your research shows, you wrote an amazing haiku.
