Haiku Club Challenge Multi-Author
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "haiku suite (gills-gasping fish)"A collection of haiku written by FanStory Poets
53 total reviews
Comment from RGstar
Your sense of these are rapidly giving character to each, connected to you, and that is what a poet should aim for, to be like himself, not like another.
Bravo.
Best wishes.
RGstar
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2017
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Your sense of these are rapidly giving character to each, connected to you, and that is what a poet should aim for, to be like himself, not like another.
Bravo.
Best wishes.
RGstar
Comment Written 27-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2017
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Yes, RGstar, I strive to connect with my subject so that I can convey its character. Thank you for your review and best wishes.
Comment from Janet Foor
A lovely haiku suite my friend. Excellent satori lines.
I too have witnessed this site. Mine was in a remote part of Alaska and I was watching through a telescope. The fish was so big that the eagle had to make several attempts to lift off the water but his persistence won him the prize.
Well done.
Blessings
Janet
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2017
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A lovely haiku suite my friend. Excellent satori lines.
I too have witnessed this site. Mine was in a remote part of Alaska and I was watching through a telescope. The fish was so big that the eagle had to make several attempts to lift off the water but his persistence won him the prize.
Well done.
Blessings
Janet
Comment Written 27-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2017
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Yes, Janet! I have been telling reviewers that people in Alaska witness eagles carrying fish all of the time. I was shocked here in California to see an eagle carry a large fish which was wriggling and still alive. Thank you for your review.
Comment from dmt1967
Usually, birds look so elegant but the one in the picture looks like the photographer has caught him with his trousers down lol. Great poem and picture and thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2017
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Usually, birds look so elegant but the one in the picture looks like the photographer has caught him with his trousers down lol. Great poem and picture and thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 27-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2017
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Thank you for your review of my "great poem."
Comment from rosehill (Wendy)
OK, I love a clever satori and these fill the bill to perfection. I am an utter failure at crafting haiku, but do know somewhat of the rules involved and feel you have satisfied even the sticklers with these two offerings: photo an assistant, but not a necessity in the least, two connected lines, syllable count etc. This was a delight to read with my morning cup of wake up.
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2017
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OK, I love a clever satori and these fill the bill to perfection. I am an utter failure at crafting haiku, but do know somewhat of the rules involved and feel you have satisfied even the sticklers with these two offerings: photo an assistant, but not a necessity in the least, two connected lines, syllable count etc. This was a delight to read with my morning cup of wake up.
Comment Written 27-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2017
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Thank you, rosehill, for your review. I am glad you enjoyed my haiku with your morning cup of coffee and found them a delight to read.
Comment from Mustang Patty
I love your tribute to the eagle's hunt within these two haikus. There is nothing as spectacular as watching an eagle in flight. Seeing them hunt is inspiring.
Your words flow well, and the story told within so few words, is breathtaking.
Thank you for sharing,
~patty~
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2017
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I love your tribute to the eagle's hunt within these two haikus. There is nothing as spectacular as watching an eagle in flight. Seeing them hunt is inspiring.
Your words flow well, and the story told within so few words, is breathtaking.
Thank you for sharing,
~patty~
Comment Written 27-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2017
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Yes, Patty, I was spellbound to see an eagle with a fish in its talons fly over my condo. I never forgot the sight. Thank you for your review.
Comment from Bill Schott
This haiku, gills gasping fish, has the sound of a sent you to me because of the intentional humor of your closing lines which play on the words to make it funny. Nice.
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2017
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This haiku, gills gasping fish, has the sound of a sent you to me because of the intentional humor of your closing lines which play on the words to make it funny. Nice.
Comment Written 27-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2017
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Thank you, Bill, for your review of my funny haiku. I am glad you got the intentional humor.
Comment from Lu Saluna
These are good haiku,
gills-gasping fish
swishes against eagle's grip
air apparent
I get a really clear, concrete image from the first two lines. The satori is perfect. I really like it. Very creative.
eagle flies fish
toward eaglet's gaping beak
seafood flown daily
I can see very vivid imagery with this haiku. The parent eagle flying food to their young, hungrily await the food to be dropped into their open beaks
The sator is cute.
Well done.
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2017
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These are good haiku,
gills-gasping fish
swishes against eagle's grip
air apparent
I get a really clear, concrete image from the first two lines. The satori is perfect. I really like it. Very creative.
eagle flies fish
toward eaglet's gaping beak
seafood flown daily
I can see very vivid imagery with this haiku. The parent eagle flying food to their young, hungrily await the food to be dropped into their open beaks
The sator is cute.
Well done.
Comment Written 27-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2017
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Thank you, Lu, for your detailed and generous review. I appreciate it. I am glad you saw the vivid imagery in my haiku.
Comment from Jackarrie
Hi
Yes this would be a great entry into the haiku club challenge. I am sure I did review it before, What I would like to know is how do you repost it without the ratings still on it.? I have posts I would love to repost, but I do not think you just promote them,
Good luck
Mary
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2017
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Hi
Yes this would be a great entry into the haiku club challenge. I am sure I did review it before, What I would like to know is how do you repost it without the ratings still on it.? I have posts I would love to repost, but I do not think you just promote them,
Good luck
Mary
Comment Written 27-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2017
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Thanks, Mary, for your review. When you repost again, you change the title sightly to create a new post. Otherwise, it will not let you repost with the same title. With a slightly new titles, your post starts over again with the ratings. I promote them, too.
I just learned from the Haiku Club coordinator, Gypsy, that everyone is only given two weeks to post to challenges. Therefore, I will not repost any more to challenges I missed.
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Thanks for that information I appreciate it, pity you missed the time of the challenge. Mary
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Yes, not only did I miss it but I wasted precious member dollars in the repost. I am writing reviews now to post new work. Thanks.
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Yea that is frustrating, GRRRR
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Oh, no, (sadness) we closed the fish challenge already. We are up to spring now, challenge 12. It's very sad, this suite would be a great contender for the anthology book The challenge is a week long but we accept entries for two weeks for each topic.
In any case, it will be an awesome addition to the multiauthor haiku challenge book.
1 )
gills-gasping fish
swishes against eagle's grip
air apparent
2)
eagle flies fish
toward eaglet's gaping beak
seafood flown daily
Although the picture is beautiful and complements the suite, it's not necessary to visualize the scene you paint with your well chosen words.
Both haiku have a strong connection with their phrases and their satori.
The satori are clever and insightful.
Good job sweetie pie,
Gypsy
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2017
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Oh, no, (sadness) we closed the fish challenge already. We are up to spring now, challenge 12. It's very sad, this suite would be a great contender for the anthology book The challenge is a week long but we accept entries for two weeks for each topic.
In any case, it will be an awesome addition to the multiauthor haiku challenge book.
1 )
gills-gasping fish
swishes against eagle's grip
air apparent
2)
eagle flies fish
toward eaglet's gaping beak
seafood flown daily
Although the picture is beautiful and complements the suite, it's not necessary to visualize the scene you paint with your well chosen words.
Both haiku have a strong connection with their phrases and their satori.
The satori are clever and insightful.
Good job sweetie pie,
Gypsy
Comment Written 27-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2017
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Thank you, Gypsy, for your generous review. You explained that we accept challenges for only two weeks for each challenge. This post was for the air challenge. If closed, I will focus on new work for the current and future challenges rather than fill in or repost to the challenges I missed.
Are the challenges still announce on Tuesday or is it Saturday at midnight now? I want to know how long I have to submit to twelve. Is ten closed?
I have a question about a haiku I am working on. Can the satori go on the first line instead of the last? I have seen some haiku like this.
Thank you for your review, support, and clarification.
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Hello, honey,
I post late on Saturday night so it's ready on Sunday morning.
We closed the air challenge on February 2nd. Challenges one to nine are closed.
Yes, your satori may be written first or last. I would use a kireji pause. The pause is very important in haiku. It separates the phrase from the satori giving the reader that needed pause to ponder.
You may use the following punctuation marks-
2 dashes (my favorite) normal pause
1 comma for short pause ... basically the same as we use in grammar.
I hope this helps. Let me know if you have more questions. You are always to drop by the club or send me a private message if you want a more detailed response.
Thank you sweetie pie,
gypsy
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Could I use a long dash instead of two small ones? Thanks for the clarification.
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Yes, of course, I just prefer two but one is fine. The long dash is even better. :)
Comment from Irish Rain
Great haiku's...sad little fish!!! Can you imagine if the Eagle fling over your house with the fish had dropped it? And you got slapped by a flying fish? Ah, my imagination is running tonight...I should be writing!! Loved these, blessings...
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2017
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Great haiku's...sad little fish!!! Can you imagine if the Eagle fling over your house with the fish had dropped it? And you got slapped by a flying fish? Ah, my imagination is running tonight...I should be writing!! Loved these, blessings...
Comment Written 26-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2017
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Thank you, Irish Rain, for your review. I am glad your imagination is running tonight.
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You're most welcome!!!
