Once upon the heart..
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Love's Lullaby"Love poems
28 total reviews
Comment from cumulus365
You really know how to be gentle. This is a very lovely poem. These words you wrote caress me I as read along. In this four stanzas poem, the meaning of each line paints of a calming moment between a mother with her dear youngster. Each stanza has the internal rhyme and pattern rhyme of abab that makes the thought flows well. This poem reminds me of when my twins were born. They were small and I wished they could fall asleep so I could rest. I could have this poem to read then, and that was 13 yrs ago. Nice write.
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2017
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You really know how to be gentle. This is a very lovely poem. These words you wrote caress me I as read along. In this four stanzas poem, the meaning of each line paints of a calming moment between a mother with her dear youngster. Each stanza has the internal rhyme and pattern rhyme of abab that makes the thought flows well. This poem reminds me of when my twins were born. They were small and I wished they could fall asleep so I could rest. I could have this poem to read then, and that was 13 yrs ago. Nice write.
Comment Written 23-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2017
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What a lovely review!!! i so do appreciate you taking the time!! and twins??? how fun!!! Thank you so very much!!
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You're welcome, cumulus
Comment from nancy_e_davis
Very nice Susan, A lovely message here my friend but I stumbled on several lines and respectfully offer a solution for each which you can use or lose or fashion your own.
Steady heartbeats thrum, till asleep
where heartbeats lull you off to sleep
'neath joyful tomorrows, foretold.
beneath tomorrows joy foretold
love's harbor will shelter the storm.
love's harbor shelters from the storm.
Your picture choice is lovely and the presentation nice.
Let me know when you edit and I will re-evaluate. Nancy
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reply by the author on 23-Feb-2017
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Very nice Susan, A lovely message here my friend but I stumbled on several lines and respectfully offer a solution for each which you can use or lose or fashion your own.
Steady heartbeats thrum, till asleep
where heartbeats lull you off to sleep
'neath joyful tomorrows, foretold.
beneath tomorrows joy foretold
love's harbor will shelter the storm.
love's harbor shelters from the storm.
Your picture choice is lovely and the presentation nice.
Let me know when you edit and I will re-evaluate. Nancy
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 23-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2017
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thank you Nancy! I'll make the corrections...yes, I wasn't sure on those lines also.. i got "stuck" lol i change right now!!!
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thank you nancy..it does sound better :-)
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The sixth line is still out of meter Susan.
Comment from Mustang Patty
Your poem tells a beautiful love story. Is the artwork you've chosen a hummingbird enjoying a blossom?
One of the lines that bothered me, 'Steady heartbeats thrum, till asleep' Do the heartbeats stop when sleep comes? (I sometimes take things too literally.)
The flow and rhythm of the poem is good, and it makes for a pleasant read, thanks for sharing,
~patty~
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2017
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Your poem tells a beautiful love story. Is the artwork you've chosen a hummingbird enjoying a blossom?
One of the lines that bothered me, 'Steady heartbeats thrum, till asleep' Do the heartbeats stop when sleep comes? (I sometimes take things too literally.)
The flow and rhythm of the poem is good, and it makes for a pleasant read, thanks for sharing,
~patty~
Comment Written 23-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2017
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:-)..yes, I see that...but I think the pic is just a branch in the moonlight...you're funny! I take everything literally too...but I meant, heart beating....as one falls asleep to the steady thrum....Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review! I do appreciate it!!! hope you have a splendid day!! :-))))
Comment from ronnie k
"Loves harbor will shelter the storm" what a beautiful way to incorporate the love you have, this one single line gave love it ability to mend and heal all hurts.
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2017
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"Loves harbor will shelter the storm" what a beautiful way to incorporate the love you have, this one single line gave love it ability to mend and heal all hurts.
Comment Written 23-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2017
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and you got it!! thank you for reading and for the wonderful review!!! I appreciate you taking the time to do so!!!
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written love lullaby. Lovers will take care of each other and have their partner can be assured to have their best interests at heart. Fight all storms together.
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2017
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A very well-written love lullaby. Lovers will take care of each other and have their partner can be assured to have their best interests at heart. Fight all storms together.
Comment Written 23-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2017
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You got it Sandra!!! thank you for your wonderful review!! I do appreciate you!
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
Such a beautiful touching and utterly heartfelt poem, I felt the love flow from it it was utterly fantastic. Well done on an amazing write with perfect flow and rhyme, I adore it kindest regards, Meia x
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2017
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Such a beautiful touching and utterly heartfelt poem, I felt the love flow from it it was utterly fantastic. Well done on an amazing write with perfect flow and rhyme, I adore it kindest regards, Meia x
Comment Written 23-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2017
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Oh Meia! You are too kind...I read your works and just sigh at your talent!!! thank you for such wonderful words...I do appreciate you! :-)
Comment from robyn corum
SJ,
A sweet poem to take the place of that wicked and horrible lullaby we all sing to our babies. Some of the rhymes felt a littttle forced, but I suppose when you're doing the internal rhyme as well, so allowances must be made. *smile*
One note:
1.) shall nether fear, cause single tear,
--> 'nether'? Do you mean 'neither'? Maybe?
Thanks!
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reply by the author on 23-Feb-2017
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SJ,
A sweet poem to take the place of that wicked and horrible lullaby we all sing to our babies. Some of the rhymes felt a littttle forced, but I suppose when you're doing the internal rhyme as well, so allowances must be made. *smile*
One note:
1.) shall nether fear, cause single tear,
--> 'nether'? Do you mean 'neither'? Maybe?
Thanks!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 23-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2017
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Thanks dear....meant "nether" as in deep down fear...but if it doesn't made sense, i could change it... ALWAYS open to improvements!!..( too new to really know what i'm doing lol)..thanks you for the review!! I so appreciate you!
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oh and...what really is a forced rhythm?? how do i know I'm doing it?
Comment from humpwhistle
A tender and moving lullaby.
Excellent use of language. Smooth syntax.
Perhaps meant for a child, but not necessarily.
There's depth within this tenderness.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2017
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A tender and moving lullaby.
Excellent use of language. Smooth syntax.
Perhaps meant for a child, but not necessarily.
There's depth within this tenderness.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 23-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2017
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Well didn't you just put a smile on my face!!! Thank you for the wonderful review and the 6 stars!!!!!! :-)))
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My pleasure. L
