Haiku Club Challenge Multi-Author
Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "haiku (winter is the end)"A collection of haiku written by FanStory Poets
11 total reviews
Comment from Leineco
Ahhh. . .nuclear winter, or meteor induced winter (poor dines). . .
perhaps the winter of climactic disruption or the frozen winter of
glacial upheaval.
no matter how you dress it up - it still spells the end for vast swaths
of nature and all of her flora and fauna!
tree branches and family branches. . .deadened!
Well done Gypsy!!!!
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2017
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Ahhh. . .nuclear winter, or meteor induced winter (poor dines). . .
perhaps the winter of climactic disruption or the frozen winter of
glacial upheaval.
no matter how you dress it up - it still spells the end for vast swaths
of nature and all of her flora and fauna!
tree branches and family branches. . .deadened!
Well done Gypsy!!!!
Comment Written 23-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2017
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Thank you :)
Comment from krys123
Cheers, Gypsy;
-forgive me if I am wrong but I believe the satori is the first line of the haiku? This being so, if I am correct, this satori "winter is the end" would be fashionably stated as "winters end" if one has chosen to do so. Thus shortening the amount of syllables and removing un-implicated wording.
-I just love the the eerily picture that is definitely a benefactor to this haiku and vice a versa. And the way your coloring technique in this composition flows together so well, visually, it is solely a well composed piece of poetry, visually.
-Again I want to thank you for sharing and posting and take care and have a good one while sharing it with all.
Alex
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2017
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Cheers, Gypsy;
-forgive me if I am wrong but I believe the satori is the first line of the haiku? This being so, if I am correct, this satori "winter is the end" would be fashionably stated as "winters end" if one has chosen to do so. Thus shortening the amount of syllables and removing un-implicated wording.
-I just love the the eerily picture that is definitely a benefactor to this haiku and vice a versa. And the way your coloring technique in this composition flows together so well, visually, it is solely a well composed piece of poetry, visually.
-Again I want to thank you for sharing and posting and take care and have a good one while sharing it with all.
Alex
Comment Written 22-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2017
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Thank you, my friend :)
Gypsy
Comment from l.raven
HI Gypsy, I love winter...look at it like this...all that dead grass needs a break...needs to rest for awhile...just kidding...I love your poem...and a beautiful picture...yes I am catching back up again...sigh...very nicely written...love Linda xxoo
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2017
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HI Gypsy, I love winter...look at it like this...all that dead grass needs a break...needs to rest for awhile...just kidding...I love your poem...and a beautiful picture...yes I am catching back up again...sigh...very nicely written...love Linda xxoo
Comment Written 21-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2017
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Hello, Linda girl, how are you? I didn't scare you off with my phone conversation? LOL
Thank you for reading, sweetie pie,
Gypsy
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Never happen sweet angel...always love talking to you...and you are always sooo welcome...off to still catch up...LOL...love xxoo
Comment from Joan E.
Your mood is still dark if this poem is an example, but it certainly conveys the sensibility vividly in this succinct haiku with your parallel picture selection. Hugs- Joan
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2017
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Your mood is still dark if this poem is an example, but it certainly conveys the sensibility vividly in this succinct haiku with your parallel picture selection. Hugs- Joan
Comment Written 21-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2017
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I had a bad day yesterday ... very bad, but I am feeling better and the sun came out, although it rained off and on all day, it was warm and sunny. Gray rainy days get me down and when that happens on top of ... stuff... it gets to be too much. But I am feeling better.
Thank you for reading, honey,
Gypsy
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Here's to more sunshine, my friend. Hugs within hugs- Joan
Comment from Douglas Paul
I really like this one too - better than the other one I think, but not by much. I like the comparison between nature an man in this. Very profound, my friend
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2017
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I really like this one too - better than the other one I think, but not by much. I like the comparison between nature an man in this. Very profound, my friend
Comment Written 21-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2017
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Thank you, Douglas :) what are you doing up? It's 1 am here so it must be 4 am in Florida, unless you wrote this hours ago.
Gypsy hugs
Comment from Dean Kuch
Now THIS is haiku at its best, MariVal.
Composed in a more traditional westernized 5/5/6 formatted style, the wording is simplistic and clear.
The word economy, coupled with the kigo, or seasonal reference to winter, made for a chilling haiku experience.
No puns intended.
Outstanding!
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2017
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Now THIS is haiku at its best, MariVal.
Composed in a more traditional westernized 5/5/6 formatted style, the wording is simplistic and clear.
The word economy, coupled with the kigo, or seasonal reference to winter, made for a chilling haiku experience.
No puns intended.
Outstanding!
Comment Written 21-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2017
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Thank you, Dean, I appreciate your review and kind words. Thank you for the six stars.
ps. simplistic is demeaning and judging by your six, I am sure that is not what you meant. No worries.
1. Simplistic = characterized by extreme simplism; oversimplified: a simplistic notion of good and bad. I believe the word you want is ''simple'' dictionary
Gypsy
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Yes, simple...that's what I meant.
It wasn't meant to be demeaning at all.
You're very welcome, Gypsy Sensei.
~Dean
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Synonyms for "simplistic"-simple, uncomplicated, bare, easy, oversimplified, mild, pure, elementary, literal, primal ... and those are just a few...
Comment from Ric Myworld
Haiku, I mean, ACHOO!I wish winter was at its end. Of course, if winter was truly the end, for nature and men, wouldn't there be bare branches and dead as-- oh, never mind. Thanks for sharing another fine poem. :-)
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2017
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Haiku, I mean, ACHOO!I wish winter was at its end. Of course, if winter was truly the end, for nature and men, wouldn't there be bare branches and dead as-- oh, never mind. Thanks for sharing another fine poem. :-)
Comment Written 21-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2017
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LOL thank you, Ric.
Gypsy
Comment from Lu Saluna
This is a very effective haiku for winter
winter is the end
for nature and men
these two lines are true as nature takes a break and goes dormant and metaphorically we speak of winter being the end portion of our lives
bare branches and dead grass
the satori is very clear and doesn't mince words. The overall presentation of the icy cool colours further reinforces the cold of winter
Nicely done.
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2017
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This is a very effective haiku for winter
winter is the end
for nature and men
these two lines are true as nature takes a break and goes dormant and metaphorically we speak of winter being the end portion of our lives
bare branches and dead grass
the satori is very clear and doesn't mince words. The overall presentation of the icy cool colours further reinforces the cold of winter
Nicely done.
Comment Written 21-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2017
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Thank you, Lura, you are very kind.
Goddess bless you,
Gypsy
Comment from Sis Cat
yes, this poem is paired with your previous one in that you once again talked about bare or dead foliage. I know from studying kigo words for winter that withered trees and dead grasses are kigo for winter. I also see here an idea storm cluster in which you write several poems on a theme seen from different perspectives. I do that myself sometimes and tend to put them in a suite.
Thank you for sharing your stark, wintry haiku.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2017
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yes, this poem is paired with your previous one in that you once again talked about bare or dead foliage. I know from studying kigo words for winter that withered trees and dead grasses are kigo for winter. I also see here an idea storm cluster in which you write several poems on a theme seen from different perspectives. I do that myself sometimes and tend to put them in a suite.
Thank you for sharing your stark, wintry haiku.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 21-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2017
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Yes, suites are nice. My friend, Douglas Paul just wrote one about winter that was awesome. I always enjoy your suites, as well. Thank you for the review and kind words sweetie pie.
Gypsy
Comment from BOO ghost
A 5/5/6. Oh, does a hyphen count as a syllable? Nice choice in editor with text color. It does look cold -- picture blends with words. A picture paints a thousand words. Winter theme. Maybe BOO get time to add a chapter. This was perfect for winter. Your words have power. BOO!
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2017
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A 5/5/6. Oh, does a hyphen count as a syllable? Nice choice in editor with text color. It does look cold -- picture blends with words. A picture paints a thousand words. Winter theme. Maybe BOO get time to add a chapter. This was perfect for winter. Your words have power. BOO!
Comment Written 21-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2017
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No, the dash is a pause called kireji or cutting word. It's very important for haiku. There a few chives to choose from. "-" a dash is a long pause; a period"."is a complete stop; the "," comma" is a short pause and the semi-comma";" is a longer pause, between full stop and short pause; "...." ellipsis" means pause and what comes next is related. Old haiku (7th century) used kireji more than in Basho' s time. He broke all the rules. I love him. He is my favorite haiku master.
You can ask me any time. If you come to the club you will learn a lot from other members.
Thank you for the lovely review and six stars.
Gypsy hugs
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This is very informative info I can use for writing. I noticed the kireji used in the older version. This is educational, you shared a lot of goodies here --
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thank you, honey
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Some big time reviewing today! May slips in some time for studying. Yep, I also am a big gamer so now you see where some of my time goes. Split.
