Haiku Club Challenge Multi-Author
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "Centipede"A collection of haiku written by FanStory Poets
5 total reviews
Comment from Peter@Poole
I've certainly glimpsed your imagery, and that's important. I can see the creature and understand the shoe salesman's alarm. As to structure, I believe the standard form is composed of five, seven and five syllables, whereas your haiku has 5-6-5 syllables, but that's not important to me. There is also no reference to weather or atmosphere, what is called a 'kigo' word, but I don't mind this break with tradition.
What I admire is how you paint a picture of a lowly creature that might alarm anyone. Yours was about nature rather than people or it would be called a senryu, of which I've written a few. Peter
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2017
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I've certainly glimpsed your imagery, and that's important. I can see the creature and understand the shoe salesman's alarm. As to structure, I believe the standard form is composed of five, seven and five syllables, whereas your haiku has 5-6-5 syllables, but that's not important to me. There is also no reference to weather or atmosphere, what is called a 'kigo' word, but I don't mind this break with tradition.
What I admire is how you paint a picture of a lowly creature that might alarm anyone. Yours was about nature rather than people or it would be called a senryu, of which I've written a few. Peter
Comment Written 04-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2017
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I appreciate your thoughtful comments. Thanks for your encouraging review. Elaine
Comment from judiverse
Wouldn't it be something to try to provide shoes for that many-limbed creature? Humorous and whimsical poem. That's a great satori line you came up with. Glad to see you're participating in this Haiku Club Challenge. I think it might be clearer if you wrote long-bodied creature. Your syllable count would still work for the Haiku.
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2017
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Wouldn't it be something to try to provide shoes for that many-limbed creature? Humorous and whimsical poem. That's a great satori line you came up with. Glad to see you're participating in this Haiku Club Challenge. I think it might be clearer if you wrote long-bodied creature. Your syllable count would still work for the Haiku.
Comment Written 21-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2017
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I like your suggestion of long-bodied creature, it works well. Thank you for your suggestion. Elaine
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You're welcome. Glad it worked.judi
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You're very welcome, Mermaids. Great work. judi
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Mermaids
What an interesting haiku
Leaving me with the question
Why is the Centipede a shoe sales men delight delight?
Gert
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2017
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Hello Mermaids
What an interesting haiku
Leaving me with the question
Why is the Centipede a shoe sales men delight delight?
Gert
Comment Written 20-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2017
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It's a joke, many feet, many shoes. Thanks for reading and reviewing. Elaine
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Silly me Of course it's a great joke
Gert
Comment from marybell1
I loved the concept of your poem. I have given you five stars but I am not sure if you meant to keep to the 5-7-5 rule. If so line three is missing a syllable. You may wish to review this.
Good luck.
Marybell1.
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2017
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I loved the concept of your poem. I have given you five stars but I am not sure if you meant to keep to the 5-7-5 rule. If so line three is missing a syllable. You may wish to review this.
Good luck.
Marybell1.
Comment Written 20-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2017
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Thanks for an encouraging review. Thanks so much. Elaine
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You are most welcome.
Marybell1.
Comment from Teri7
This is a very interesting and good haiku you have penned about the centipede. You used very good descriptive wording and great imagery with the picture. Blessings, Teri
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2017
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This is a very interesting and good haiku you have penned about the centipede. You used very good descriptive wording and great imagery with the picture. Blessings, Teri
Comment Written 20-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2017
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Thanks for your thoughtful and encouraging review. Elaine
