Perennials of War
Viewing comments for Chapter 14 "Chapter Funf part zwei"Is Anderson a gallant knight? Can he recover Shan
35 total reviews
Comment from mbroyles2
This is an excellent chapter to this book. We get a little more insight into Anderson's custody battle and what is driving Shana to leave.
I suspect she won't get far.
Great writing!
Michael
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2017
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This is an excellent chapter to this book. We get a little more insight into Anderson's custody battle and what is driving Shana to leave.
I suspect she won't get far.
Great writing!
Michael
Comment Written 05-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2017
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Thank you for the generous review.
Comment from judiverse
It doesn't take much for Patricia to find fault and try to keep Anderson from getting custody. She sounds like a terrible mother. Shana decides to take off because she doesn't want to jeopardize Anderson's chances of getting custody. She doesn't know what she's running into by leaving. I'm sure the men who've been following her will be on her trail at once. Shana is a person who wants to do the right thing, unlike Patricia. Great work. Something I look forward to reading and deserves a six. judi
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2017
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It doesn't take much for Patricia to find fault and try to keep Anderson from getting custody. She sounds like a terrible mother. Shana decides to take off because she doesn't want to jeopardize Anderson's chances of getting custody. She doesn't know what she's running into by leaving. I'm sure the men who've been following her will be on her trail at once. Shana is a person who wants to do the right thing, unlike Patricia. Great work. Something I look forward to reading and deserves a six. judi
Comment Written 05-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2017
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Thank you for the generous review.
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You're welcome. You must have rich relatives, to be able to write about the life style of a multimillionaire. judi
Comment from Sis Cat
My mouth dropped open when I read that Anderson pays twelve thousand dollars on the first of the month to Patricia for Emily's child support. I recall a story my mother told me about divorce court when she learned that her ex husband, my father, spent three hundred dollars a month to fire the kilns at his pottery school--the same amount of money he was supposed to pay in child support for three children, but this is a digression.
I enjoy how you weave Andreson's divorce and ex into your story. Seeking to protect his relationship with his daughter and increase his chance at custody, Shana leaves. But I'd dye putting herself in danger? I like how you put obstacles in the way of them forming a romantic relationship. You don't make it easy, and this is good because it makes interesting writing.
Your prose is clean, although I found one spag: "I need (to) speak to Anderson . . ."
Thank you for sharing your entertaining thriller.
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2017
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My mouth dropped open when I read that Anderson pays twelve thousand dollars on the first of the month to Patricia for Emily's child support. I recall a story my mother told me about divorce court when she learned that her ex husband, my father, spent three hundred dollars a month to fire the kilns at his pottery school--the same amount of money he was supposed to pay in child support for three children, but this is a digression.
I enjoy how you weave Andreson's divorce and ex into your story. Seeking to protect his relationship with his daughter and increase his chance at custody, Shana leaves. But I'd dye putting herself in danger? I like how you put obstacles in the way of them forming a romantic relationship. You don't make it easy, and this is good because it makes interesting writing.
Your prose is clean, although I found one spag: "I need (to) speak to Anderson . . ."
Thank you for sharing your entertaining thriller.
Comment Written 05-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2017
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I hate it when I leave those little words out. When I'm editing, I read right over them. Thank you for the catch.
Comment from Sixty70
Good job getting your sixth excerpt posted! Your story has many different intriguing plot lines. Poor baby Emily with a mother like Patricia! Anderson is trying to do the right thing, that's for sure.
Shana seems to have made a decision about her presence in the house interfering with the custody battle. It may help to dig a bit deeper into that. Why does she feel that way?
Word choice issue. I've pasted the following:
"I don't have the slightest clue. The only thing I'm sure of is she needs help and she can stay here as long as she needs too." "I guess that's as good a plan as any." Isaiah finished his coffee and stood. "I need to go. I have another meeting in thirty minutes. You know the traffic."
Three 'needs' in as many lines, and another one coming up very quickly. And then, having been acclimatized to the word, I noticed it at least three more times in the piece. I don't know what other writers call them - I call them my 'tic' words, words I use too much. Consider identifying the number of times you write 'need' and revising.
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2017
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Good job getting your sixth excerpt posted! Your story has many different intriguing plot lines. Poor baby Emily with a mother like Patricia! Anderson is trying to do the right thing, that's for sure.
Shana seems to have made a decision about her presence in the house interfering with the custody battle. It may help to dig a bit deeper into that. Why does she feel that way?
Word choice issue. I've pasted the following:
"I don't have the slightest clue. The only thing I'm sure of is she needs help and she can stay here as long as she needs too." "I guess that's as good a plan as any." Isaiah finished his coffee and stood. "I need to go. I have another meeting in thirty minutes. You know the traffic."
Three 'needs' in as many lines, and another one coming up very quickly. And then, having been acclimatized to the word, I noticed it at least three more times in the piece. I don't know what other writers call them - I call them my 'tic' words, words I use too much. Consider identifying the number of times you write 'need' and revising.
Comment Written 05-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2017
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You are so correct. Thank you for catching that. I will make a change. I appreciate the help.
Comment from Sasha
Oh dear! I fear Shana has made a big mistake by leaving. Anderson need to clarify to her that her being their will have no effect on his custody of his child. With the Russians looking for her, she could be in great danger. I do hope the dogs are with her and can provide protection if needed.
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reply by the author on 05-Feb-2017
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Oh dear! I fear Shana has made a big mistake by leaving. Anderson need to clarify to her that her being their will have no effect on his custody of his child. With the Russians looking for her, she could be in great danger. I do hope the dogs are with her and can provide protection if needed.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 05-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2017
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I hope for the best too. Thank you for the kind review.
