Fantasy Awaits
A poem about a fictitious new cruise ship at sea.10 total reviews
Comment from Selina Stambi
Rumor has it, Captain was a narcissistic fool
who got sloppy at the wheel. ... like these lines, particularly the second one. They say a lot!
Hello Maureen,
This is an interesting piece. :)
Good rhyme/near rhyme with the occasional un-rhyme line thrown in.
I'd hate to be at the mercy of a captain who was 'sloppy at the wheel' ... Yikes!
Congratulations on your win. Well done!
Love,
Sonali xx
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2017
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Rumor has it, Captain was a narcissistic fool
who got sloppy at the wheel. ... like these lines, particularly the second one. They say a lot!
Hello Maureen,
This is an interesting piece. :)
Good rhyme/near rhyme with the occasional un-rhyme line thrown in.
I'd hate to be at the mercy of a captain who was 'sloppy at the wheel' ... Yikes!
Congratulations on your win. Well done!
Love,
Sonali xx
Comment Written 13-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2017
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Thanks so much. I am having a fun time writing these days and FanStory is a very good platform that allows us to do just that.
Maureen Sky
Comment from tfawcus
One of the better pieces of satire about the current political situation that I have read recently! What a very good metaphor this is. I hope that we aren't all sunk when the cruise liner hits the rocks.
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2017
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One of the better pieces of satire about the current political situation that I have read recently! What a very good metaphor this is. I hope that we aren't all sunk when the cruise liner hits the rocks.
Comment Written 03-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2017
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Thank you.
M. Sky
Comment from Dan-C
I really enjoyed your poem. I like the contrast between the two ships. Your descriptions are amazing. I think I would lukevto sail on that ship and live out a fantasy.
Dan
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2017
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I really enjoyed your poem. I like the contrast between the two ships. Your descriptions are amazing. I think I would lukevto sail on that ship and live out a fantasy.
Dan
Comment Written 03-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2017
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Thank you. I am trying. I find reading more each day and reading the work of other authors and poets is truly helping me.
M. Sky
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
A really cute poem about a cruise ship "Fantasy", and it's uglier sister ship, "Dynasty".
You did a good job of working the words from the prompt into the tale without making it sound awkward.
Good luck in the contest,
Rhonda
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2017
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A really cute poem about a cruise ship "Fantasy", and it's uglier sister ship, "Dynasty".
You did a good job of working the words from the prompt into the tale without making it sound awkward.
Good luck in the contest,
Rhonda
Comment Written 03-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2017
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Thank you so much.
M. Sky
Comment from RobertaLee
I have a bit of difficulty with the punctuation you have chosen as it creates incomplete sentences that are a distraction to the flow. There doesn't need to be a period at the end of your lines; you can go without and work on the rhyme scheme and the rhythm/meter. It's a cute idea, the beached ship and the new one. If you want to write rhymed poems, counting syllables per line and having a consistent rhyme scheme would surely help.
Thanks and best wishes in the contest.
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2017
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I have a bit of difficulty with the punctuation you have chosen as it creates incomplete sentences that are a distraction to the flow. There doesn't need to be a period at the end of your lines; you can go without and work on the rhyme scheme and the rhythm/meter. It's a cute idea, the beached ship and the new one. If you want to write rhymed poems, counting syllables per line and having a consistent rhyme scheme would surely help.
Thanks and best wishes in the contest.
Comment Written 03-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2017
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Thank you. Yes, I need to learn more about the proper way to puncutate various different poems.
Thanks again.
Maureen Sky
Comment from BeasPeas
The barker for this cruiseship line has used all the words required. Good job with this fun piece. Good rhyming throughout in this story poem. Much luck in the contest. Marilyn
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2017
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The barker for this cruiseship line has used all the words required. Good job with this fun piece. Good rhyming throughout in this story poem. Much luck in the contest. Marilyn
Comment Written 01-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2017
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Thank you so much. I had fun with this one.
Comment from Bobbi22
Just as you noted, this is a fun and quirky poem. Reminds me of the intro to the old TV show The Love Boat - come on in for all the fun. Very well written. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2017
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Just as you noted, this is a fun and quirky poem. Reminds me of the intro to the old TV show The Love Boat - come on in for all the fun. Very well written. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 01-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2017
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Thank you. Yes, it does remind us of that TV show, haha. I had forgotten about that show.
Comment from winnona
A well-written contest entry.I think you have completed the challenge of the contest well. Your words flowed well line to line combining easily and forming the message of the poem for the reader. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2017
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A well-written contest entry.I think you have completed the challenge of the contest well. Your words flowed well line to line combining easily and forming the message of the poem for the reader. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 01-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2017
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Thank you Winnona.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
I enjoyed your take on the use of the required words. You told a great little story. The words all made sense in it. They fit in well--not obvious--but part of the story.
Good job & best wishes in the contest. Jan
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2017
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I enjoyed your take on the use of the required words. You told a great little story. The words all made sense in it. They fit in well--not obvious--but part of the story.
Good job & best wishes in the contest. Jan
Comment Written 01-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2017
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Oh thanks, Jan. I had fun with it.
M. Sky
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careful, you signed your name on a blind contest reply
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Oh ok, oops.
Comment from Dr. Nad
Fantasy AwaitsIs a very good Poem written for the prompt listing the four words fantasy, rival, gas, float. Your entry is a delightful story of the cruise ship That is about to launch And the cautionary tale of one that's about to sink. Thanks for sharing. May God bless you!
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2017
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Fantasy AwaitsIs a very good Poem written for the prompt listing the four words fantasy, rival, gas, float. Your entry is a delightful story of the cruise ship That is about to launch And the cautionary tale of one that's about to sink. Thanks for sharing. May God bless you!
Comment Written 01-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2017
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Oh thank you. It was fun to do. Not sure I will be taking a cruise ship anytime soon though. Haha!
Thanks again,
M. Sky
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You are welcome.
Embrace the love from above.
