Under The Weather
Poor Elsie9 total reviews
Comment from Bill Schott
This tyburn, Under the Weather, seems to be saying something satirical about what might be a cow named Elsie. I seem to be smiling.
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This tyburn, Under the Weather, seems to be saying something satirical about what might be a cow named Elsie. I seem to be smiling.
Comment Written 30-Jan-2017
Comment from winnona
A well-written contest entry.I think you completed the challenge of the contest well. Your words flowed line to line combining and forming the humorous message of the poem for the reader.
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A well-written contest entry.I think you completed the challenge of the contest well. Your words flowed line to line combining and forming the humorous message of the poem for the reader.
Comment Written 30-Jan-2017
Comment from angel123
Your Tyburn poem is interesting. It rhymes and flows well, but I believe you are to use your first four rhyming words in the order that they are listed in your nine syllable sentences. For instances, madder and matter should be use at the 5th syllable and end at the 8th. That is now I understood it, but we will both have to re-read the rules to be sure.
angel123
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2017
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Your Tyburn poem is interesting. It rhymes and flows well, but I believe you are to use your first four rhyming words in the order that they are listed in your nine syllable sentences. For instances, madder and matter should be use at the 5th syllable and end at the 8th. That is now I understood it, but we will both have to re-read the rules to be sure.
angel123
Comment Written 29-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2017
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Many thanks for trying to help. Actually, i considered placing the four words in the order they appear in the last two lines, as in the example. I remembered from my previous Villanelle, that it wasn't a requirement. And, because I wanted the payoff to be as funny as possible, I avoided showing the two words together at the top, in an effort to avoid tipping the ending phrase to the reader. (No one wants that kind of tip top.)
Thanks again, Angel. Your comments are always appreciated!
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OK that's good to know. Good luck in the contest.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
A fun write and bladder's matter and can make you sadder, your poem reminded me to do my pelvic floor exercises! Ha ha! Love Dolly x
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A fun write and bladder's matter and can make you sadder, your poem reminded me to do my pelvic floor exercises! Ha ha! Love Dolly x
Comment Written 29-Jan-2017
Comment from zell0152
I am feeling more and more bloated by the minute! I can definitely relate to 'Feeling under the Weather' and comparing this type of feeling to a cow is hilarious.
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I am feeling more and more bloated by the minute! I can definitely relate to 'Feeling under the Weather' and comparing this type of feeling to a cow is hilarious.
Comment Written 29-Jan-2017
Comment from aryr
Awwww poor Elsie, how awful to feel so bad. Bad Bad Bladder. This was simple yet so direct, and a fantastic rhyme. It was both interesting and amazing that you were so creative with all the 'er' just for a cow LOL, great job, thanks.
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Awwww poor Elsie, how awful to feel so bad. Bad Bad Bladder. This was simple yet so direct, and a fantastic rhyme. It was both interesting and amazing that you were so creative with all the 'er' just for a cow LOL, great job, thanks.
Comment Written 28-Jan-2017
Comment from Sasha
I am terrible when it comes to understanding the all too many and complicated styles of poetry. But I think I got this one. I think this is very clever and a great entry for the contest. I wish you all the best. Very nice work with this one.
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I am terrible when it comes to understanding the all too many and complicated styles of poetry. But I think I got this one. I think this is very clever and a great entry for the contest. I wish you all the best. Very nice work with this one.
Comment Written 28-Jan-2017
Comment from PoemsOfDD
Don, good to see you've entered the tyburn contest again. I would argue that it isn't quite correct with the word 'matter' not quite fitting in with the three other required words to rhyme. However, the committee don't seem to care about strict rhyming so this will not doubt fit the bill, as has been shown in the recent past to other entrants. Best of luck to you and Elsie. :-) ~DD
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2017
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Don, good to see you've entered the tyburn contest again. I would argue that it isn't quite correct with the word 'matter' not quite fitting in with the three other required words to rhyme. However, the committee don't seem to care about strict rhyming so this will not doubt fit the bill, as has been shown in the recent past to other entrants. Best of luck to you and Elsie. :-) ~DD
Comment Written 28-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2017
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Thanks again, DD! 'Near rhymes' generally are considered legitimate, with the exception of stricter forms like sonnet, haiku, et al
(So far, Elsie's not faring so well, but i had fun working with her.)
Don
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
A very funny and yet perfectly done tyburn poem. Location of the introductory words is perfect and the whole piece is cute to read. Nicley done
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A very funny and yet perfectly done tyburn poem. Location of the introductory words is perfect and the whole piece is cute to read. Nicley done
Comment Written 28-Jan-2017
